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[CornBread]

Hi, I'm cornbread, or CB. I have stumbled upon this forum a few times and finally decided to join. In my times of stumbling here it has been when looking for help for myself in dealing with my ptsd.

I am a combat vet of the current conflict in Iraq. Throughout my whole tour there wasn't a stretch where my own personal safety wasn't in danger or when I wasn't being exposed to harsh sights. Since about 6 months into my tour I became aware of the reaction I was having but nothing was really done to help me until I came back to the states. Once I started receiving help I was ridiculed by members of my unit for seeing a psychologist, for not being allowed to handle guns and just overall not being the person they remembered. I took all this harder than I should have probably but I wasn't really given support that I needed. Anyways, I left the army over a year ago as well as the support network of drs I had and am living at home with my mother. She tries to be sensitive but doesn't really know what to do. I had a nervous break down in the grocery store and she sent me to the car. Yeah.

Tonight feels like one of those shaky nights, where I know if I go to sleep I know that will happen. Its the dreams that no matter how hard you try you can't wake up, you can't change the events that are going to unfold. I'm a full grown adult and I'm afraid to go to sleep. Any advice from anyone?

 

[Anna]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Corn Bread,

Welcome to the forum. You will find a great deal of support and understanding here. Life can be very hard when those around us don't try to understand the emotional distress that trauma causes and offer us support.

I am not supported by my family - a military family although I was never in the military myself. The attitude of having to be emotionless and that emotions are a sign of weakness often sighted to me - that really urks me!!!

Emotional intelligence is a really important and its emotional consciousnesses that makes us 'human' and it is no reflection on our strength, capabilities or intelligence. It only adds to our intelligence in my mind.

The sleeping thing I can really empathize with you on - all trauma sufferers can. Up until my 30s, I used to sleep under my bed - a grown adult sleeping under her bed can you imagine?...but with greater awareness and therapy things get better.

I think it is really important for you to find a good trauma therapist who has experience working with vets. This forum is great and you will only get support from us, but working with a therapist to address your specific concerns and to give you the tools to better manage your PTSD is very important.

Welcome to the forum and I hope you start to sleep better soon. xxoo

 

[CornBread]

Thank you Anna and ptsd sufferer.

I am working to find a therapist in my area, I've seen a couple but I have a hard time trusting people. I guess they've rubbed me the wrong way. The VA hasn't been much help as far as counseling goes, medication wise they are great. None of my family or friends really understand how to work with me/deal with my symptoms. My mother is the greatest difficulty. She likes watching shows that talk about the war right now and gets annoyed when I ask her to change the channel. I've told her before that stuff triggers me, but as I said she doesn't really get it.

But its not just shows, driving down the road or seeing what seems like a familiar face (not friend but foe) will do it. Some days, as with anything, are better than others. But when those bad days happen, it feels like all the good ones mean nothing. Like no progress has been made because I get swallowed up so completely. Feels like going back 10 steps :(

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum :)

Hang in there.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Corn Bread,

Sometimes it is also our job to educate our families about our condition. You might like to tell your mum that she is one of your 'carers' and you would like her to learn more about your illness, as what you need to get better is her support.

I had to repeatedly educate and ask my husband to support me, but he eventually came to understand what was going on and how difficult things were for me....and now that he does understand, I am healing much faster with his support. Just giving him the title of 'carer' gave him a role to play, a sense of purpose and responsibility.

Try printing out some of the background information on PTSD, its symptoms and information for carers on this site to give to her to read over. With education, our families can be great support networks and fantastic carers. She might even like to join this forum as a carer to talk with other carers, learn about PTSD and learn from other carers.

Trust is very important with your therapist, but have a think about whether you have already made the judgement that the therapists don't understand you, before you go in to meet them...we are prone to doing this.

It is important to ask for help, but then you need to educate your therapist about what you are going through so that they can help you. They won't fully understand you on day one of a meeting, but being able to articulate how you feel and how life is affecting you, is all part of the process of healing. Trust must be there, and having a therapist familiar with military terminology might help.

Good support networks, through this forum, therapy, VA, family and sympathetic friends is vital for healing. But it is still our job to build those support networks.

Being triggered is hard going, but you will learn how to 'ground' with therapy and this helps manage triggering.

The idea behind 'grounding' is that when you are triggered, you need to immediately bring yourself into the 'present' by using 4 senses - hearing, touch, sight and smell. Touch something in front of you, say this is my table, say the date its 2011, tell yourself you are here are safe.

A carer on this forum also suggested carrying around a little silk bag with some essential oils on it, which you can smell to bring yourself back to the present.

I carry one, the silk is nice to touch, I put a clear quarts stone in it, which has a contrasting touch (is good for healing and regulating energy) and lemon grass essential oils (which rejuvenates the mind and clears the air). It sounds a bit hippy, which I am not, but has been a great tip, and encourages me to not only 'ground' but the meaning behind the stone and oils reminds me of what I need to do - heal, calm, clear the mind, and clear the air. You will find lots of useful tips like these in the forum.

Hang in there, life will get much brighter for you soon, xxoo

 

[Kris1984]

Welcome and sorry for what you have gone through, I can relate to the type of treatment you got in the military for seeking help. It is not you over reacting, it is the people who you think would always be there to help their buddy out who over reacted!

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum CB... one of the best traits they give us from military training, is how to motivate ourselves. Military have a hidden gem when it comes to healing, being military training. Even though our training and experience is what got us to PTSD, its also the one thing that can help us overcome it and heal due to our training.