Relationship Newbie... Glad Im Not Alone

[J'qel]

No. You made your boundary, now enforce it. The first time is going to be the hardest. Once you make your boundary you need to stick with it, flying past it is a long slope that ends in heartbreak and yes, codependency. Don't go there. Is bad.

 

[Buttercup]

I agree...stick to your boundary you wrote earlier. It sounds like a great one! I know it's hard, but you can do this!

 

[Sighs]

Im still holding on to how he was in the beginning...waiting for him to return

That is never going to happen. That was the "honeymoon" phase. It doesn't come back in any relationship let alone one with PTSD in the picture.

Sorry to be blunt. :hug:

 

[Mypurpose]

The best demonstration of your love it to respect his space for now and not do what you think makes him...

That's the thing and what initially upset me. He will somewhat shut me out but still wants me to come and cook. Basically just cook...dont touch me or talk to me. He says that helps him. I refuse to drive an hour for that and my boundary now is pnly when he is up to it and its for a quality time visit. I was just stating how guilty I felt because I told him no.

 

[J'qel]

I understand entirely about the guilt.

My husband and I had to have a long talk because when we were dating he just wanted me to be there. Not to do anything. Just sit and be in the area. He has his own issues, but I found it really strange and honestly, pretty offputting.

What I ended up doing was different, because he didn't have the same issues, but the result was the same: we ended up actually doing *something* whenever I came over, be it talking, watching a movie, playing games on a console or a spare computer he had kicking around.

It's okay to feel guilty and you will for the first bit, but it is the right choice. <3 Stay strong.