Newbie...

[Shannon]

Hey, my name is Shannon and I'm 15years old. I've never done this before,..
I decided to join a site like this because I feel I need to talk to people who understand me (if they feel comfortable doing so). I've got lots of family who I talk to, and they're a great help, and also a few friends and my amazing boyfriend, who's been an absolute star! But I haven't spoken to anyone who has been through the same thing as I have, and sometimes I don't think my family, friends, boyfriend understand me properly, and I end up getting frustrated.

Getting to the point...
3 years ago in August, I was raped by a group of 4lads. I was 13 at the time! Believe it or not, after the rape had happened although I was scared and I felt ashamed of myself.. I feel so much worse now. And I feel so much more scared! I want to talk to a therapist but my mum says there's no point as it was nearly 3years ago. I'm in a good relationship with my boyfriend.. although our sex life is crap! I tend to get a lot of flashbacks, and I feel so guilty that I cant even have sex with my boyfriend. We've been in a relationship for 8months now, and it is a proper relationship. I love him to bits and I know that he loves me, he is so understanding with the whole thing!

Does anybody know any way of beating flashbacks? Can anyone help me, please?

 

[leanne1321]

Hi Shannon,

Welcome to the forum, you are certainly in a place where people can really relate to what you've been through and continue to feel.

A lot of my friends, family and husband know what I've been through, but as you say, they still don't understand properly.

With regards to therapy, try talking to your mother again and if she still wont help, is there not anyway you can go to a GP and get a referal without her? I was 13 when I went through my traumas and I ignored them. I spent my remaining teenage years in severe depression and my mother refused to get me anti-depressants at such a young age.

I've left it 15 years before seeking therapy and I think the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. You put up more and more barriers up against dealing with it which makes them harder to knock down. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that, but I'm happy that you are here and you are wanting therapy. It's hard, I won't deny it, but it will make you a much stronger person.

And as for flashbacks, I still need to practice, but it seems as though grounding techniques are the best. Try focusing on your breathing and concentrate on things around you, describe them if you have to.

Hope that helps

Leanne

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Shannon :)

Welcome to the forum :wave:

Therapy will be very beneficial to you. I was raped aged 20. I'm now 38 and started therapy about 6 months ago, so it's never too late!! I'd urge you to get the help now, not wait 18 years, like I did!!

Sadly, there are plenty of us here who can relate to what you are going through, and support you through your journey toward healing. Of course it can't be erased from your memory, but symptoms such as flashbacks, and sexual problems can be overcome.

On an editorial note, you must break your writing into short paragraphs, and use correct basic grammar in your posts
I have edited your post above, and your story, but in future posts may be deleted without warning, if you don't follow the basic rules of the forum. This video will help you understand why correct basic grammar is so important on a 'trauma' forum
[DLMURL]http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org/threads/basic-grammar.494/[/DLMURL]

 

[Shannon]

Thank you both, this all means a lot to me:) I'm sorry for the things you have both been through, I am happy to talk to people, as I know how much people want to feel comforted. I do not judge, as I know its hard to talk to people you may not know, about what's happened to you.

I think I will go down to see my doctor about speaking to a therapist, or try talking with another family member who could help me, I think I will benefit a lot more out of this:)

When having sex, I try to keep saying my boyfriends name, so I no that its still him (if you get me?) and I always keep my eyes open, and keep looking at him, but most of the time the flashbacks still come.

I'll try my best to use basic grammar in my posts, but as you can tell English is not my strong point in school.

Thank you for your kind words.
Shannon.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Shannon
Welcome to the forum!:)

 

[Shannon]

Hey, thank you for your welcome!:)

 

[cherryblossom]

I'll try my best to use basic grammar in my posts, but as you can tell English is not my strong point in school.

You have just shown that you can use good grammar - I can't express what a huge difference it makes - it makes your posts sooooo much easier to read. Thank you for making the effort, to change your writing - it's very much appreciated :D You express yourself very well, so I don't think you should put down your ability at English in school.

I think I will go down to see my doctor about speaking to a therapist, or try talking with another family member who could help me, I think I will benefit a lot more out of this :)

This is a great idea!! I would seriously suggest talking with a therapist (preferably a specialised trauma therapist). It won't be easy to talk to a stranger but they will have the skills to help, rather than just listen. It's brilliant that your family, friends and boyfriend are so supportive, but often it's only a professional that can really move you forward.

Also, you have us now too. We won't judge you either. And we understand what you are going though and can support you.

I'm not the best person to offer you sex advice (I've been single for years!!), but there are already a lot of posts here about it, and plenty of people who are going through similar to you.

We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[Shannon]

Thank you so, so, so much!

I am going to go down and see my doctor this weekend, after I have had time to speak to my mum:)

this Forum has already been such a great help, and this is only my second night on here! Everybody is so nice, and friendly! Knowing that your not the only one in the world, who has unfortunately been through hurtful things.

Thank you again!:D

 

[Nyx]

Welcome, Shannon!:peekaboo: