No Cure For Ptsd?

[Pixielicious]

I'm having a huge problem accepting the fact that there is no cure for PTSD.
I keep thinking to myself that if I get a 'grip' get a 'hold' of my disorder I can fix it.
I realise that I'm in some form of self denial because I am having problems in understanding why I can't just 'control' myself, why I can't control the flashbacks and just 'snap/click' myself to get well again.
Before PTSD, I was always in control of 'me', I was strong, always strong, very strong and able to climb over every obstacle i ever faced in my way.
But now I feel weak, out of control, out of balance and cannot connect myself, to myself anymore.
I also realise that self denial is harming me, so, how do I just accept the truth, that I'm cursed with this 'death sentence'?
Maybe I need some boot camp discipline, someone to tell me that I have to, I must accept the truth that I'm cursed with this horrendous disorder, because deep down in my logical mind I realise that I'll never ever get any better or ease the symptoms of PTSD until I accept this?

Help!!

 

[Silver.]

Well no, there is no cure for PTSD, but there is healing. You can get to a place where you don't have symptoms, or your symptoms could be very mild, this is where having a therapist comes in. The best decision most of us can make for ourselves.
It might seem hopeless, but people do get to this place through a lot of hard work.

you can do this!! :hug:

 

[Pixielicious]

Well no, there is no cure for PTSD, but there is healing. You can get to a place where you don't have s...

Thank you :hug:
Is it normal to feel the way I do, to feel responsible for my PTSD?
I realise that self blame and taking responsibility of another person's actions isn't going to get me anywhere, but it's my mind so why can't I control my mind like I used to do when I was healthy?
I just want my mind to obey me, to react, to think, to behave like it used to do.

 

[Silver.]

I struggle to control my mind now that I am off klonopin. I do understand that battle, I am sure a lot of us here can.
Feeling responsible for your PTSD is not something that I can relate to. (I am reading this as, you feel responsible you got it? If I am wrong, let me know)
I understand circumstances that have happened to me caused this. So I cannot say if it is normal or not, especially because this crap manifests itself in so many ways for so many people.
If it isn't normal, well okay, how does knowing if it is normal or not change how you feel about the situation?
Can you think of ways to come to acceptance that while you are responsible for your actions, you are not responsible for the PTSD?

 

[Pixielicious]

I think I blame myself for the PTSD because, I'm thinking I should be able to control my own mind, like I used to do.
For me personally, self control was something that I used to take pride in you know?
Do I blame myself for the actual trauma? Not really... I am not responsible for the way another person decides to treat me. Only in how I react. That said, I didn't have much of an option back then to how I really wanted to react. So I had no choice but to react in a way that kept me alive. Survival mode. Had I reacted in ways that I really wanted to back then, I would be facing a life sentence or even the death penalty now.
That said, is not PTSD a form of passive aggression?
These questions haunt me day and night, trying to find an intellectual answer, whilst my emotions are all over the place....I feel that the connection between my emotions and my intellect are severely bruised and damaged and all I really want is to connect these two together again :(
To regain my sanity...

 

[joeylittle]

I also realise that self denial is harming me, so, how do I just accept the truth, that I'm cursed with this 'death sentence'?
Maybe I need some boot camp discipline, someone to tell me that I have to, I must accept the truth that I'm cursed with this horrendous disorder, because deep down in my logical mind I realise that I'll never ever get any better or ease the symptoms of PTSD until I accept this?

It's hard. I think you are doing something I'm very prone to, which is thinking you need to make things black or white in order to cope with them. But, that's a cognitive distortion speaking. PTSD is bad. It's not a death sentence, you've not been cursed. Some awful, horrible trauma occurred, that was not your fault. Your mind grabbed onto it in a specific way that has left you with PTSD to work through. And some days, it's going to seem like the unclimbable mountain. Yes. But it can get better.

I can drown in the 'no cure' thinking. I do much better when I see things as, I'm aiming for remission. When I first encountered that term applied to depression - that there was no cure, but there was the possibility of achieving full remission, and staying stable for months, even years, they weren't sure yet...it made sense to me. Because symptoms can be rendered dormant. We do know that the brain can heal, grow, change - and that we can in some ways control that simply through how we use and apply it.

I don't know if any of this helps, but I wanted to share it.

 

[Pixielicious]

It's hard. I think you are doing something I'm very prone to, which is thinking you need to make th...

It does help, thank you so very much....
and yes, I am a very black/white thinker, especially when it comes to making decisions.
But imo I do weight out the cons and pros before I reach a decision.
I know, rationally speaking that the longer it takes for me to accept my PTSD, the longer it will take me to gain control over the symptoms of PTSD.
But my feelings of being trapped inside the symptoms of PTSD, which I cannot control horrifies me.. Really terrifies me... If I could , I'd take my brain out and re-program it to react, to think, to not have a single flashback...But I cant... God knows I've tried, I've tried everything intellectually I can possibly think of to stop the flashbacks , but they just appear, just happen, sometimes I get the 'alarm bells' ringing and I can try to ground, but other times they come on without a single warning, nada warning. And those are the flashbacks that make me think, ok its time to kill myself, I've totally lost my mind. My sanity was once something I admired, and now I'm just like WTF?? The shame and humiliation of not being in total control of my own precious mind is sometimes just too much to live with.

 

[joeylittle]

If I coyld, I'd take my brain out and re-program it to react, to think, to not have a single flashback...But I cant... God knows I've tried, I've tried everything intellectually I can possibly think of to stop the flashbacks , but they just appear

I just want to say - you can re-program your brain to react differently. It's not really possible to do it on your own, but it's what happens in both EMDR and narrative based Prolonged Exposure therapy. It's not impossible - it's just something that is very, very hard to do alone.

I never would have gotten on top of my symptoms if I was not doing trauma processing work almost immediately after they surfaced. But I used to have, easily, twice as many very bad trauma reactions, compared to how I am now.

You aren't stuck with this forever.

 

[Rani G2]

The “Cure“ thing is hard for me to grasp, as I have been dealing with my Selfidentity for such a long time,at times I feel that those so called post traumatic traits are so extremely intervowen with my mind structure that the pathological/dysfunctional or normal forms are hard for me to keep apart. Yes, with therapy, and small changes that have taken place, I do have an idea how it is to feel less anxious, less autoaggressive, and being more aware of what is going on.


Its a process with changes, relapsing and making progress again. PTSD (For Me) Not a branding that is put in there forever. I feel its a very individual process, depending on so many factors. The overly biologisation (Not saying that it has no effect on our brain process) Hasnt helped me much, more the process of developing and understanding trauma, and seeing it in larger dimensions. Even the diagnosis PTSD has a long history, with different kind of definitions. Who knows what the future brings.

 

[Pixielicious]

Looking around this site, I feel somewhat envious towards the people who have learned to live with PTSD, and are able to control their symptoms.
I find it amazing that they've lived with it for over 10+ yrs for example and have gained some kind of 'normality' over their lives.
I realise that they have also received therapy and are on medication which helps them.
But I was only formally diagnosed with this in November 2015 4-5 months after the actual trauma, and I just can't bare the thought of having to live like this for the rest of my life.
I don't want to go back on the medication I was on 5 months ago, because I hate being controlled by anything, man or medication. That said, I don't know which is worse, the constant flashbacks or the zombified feeling of being medicated.
But when the time comes, I am willing to go through EMDR... hoping it will help...I also hope my future T will be able to cope with my rantings :D