Forgetful
Gold Member
I have been married for 26 years now. His first, my second marriage.
We have been thru rough times before and managed to stay together. He grew up in a tough home. His parents were both alcoholics. He was emotionally, verbally and physically abused by his father. Loud confrontations was an everyday occurence. He became an alcoholic.
I grew up in a supportive family. My parents never yelled at each other. Conflict was dealt by my dad going to my grandparents. So I never learned conflict resolution.
When I was 12 we moved to UK for 4 years. At the age of 13 I was sexually assaulted by a classmate. I never mentioned it to anybody! And after awhile I managed to stuff it down and got on with my life.At 18 I started smoking weed a few times a day.
Jump ahead to the age of 23. I am dating the man who I will marry. We went to a Halloween party but I left early as I wasn't feeling well. His father drove me back to his house and dropped me off. I went to bed. Sometime around 2:00 AM Joe got back. He was very drunk. He wanted sex, I did not. He forcefully raped me. I should have gone home but I didn't. The next day he told me that he cheated the night before. He forced himself on me to prove that he still loved me. Not sure if he was trying to prove himself or me.
This assault was a trigger and I had a flashback where I remembered bits and pieces of my rape some years earlier. I convinced myself that he loved me and was a good man.
We married a few months later. His drinking continued and I had to be high just to relax enough so sex is possible.
14 years ago he fell at work and broke his back. He was lucky he wasn't paralized. Shortly after that he went to rehab and has remained sober for 13 years. I tried to quit the drugs but as of right now I have not been successful.
He is in pain every day and keeps his meds locked up. I would sneak to get the key after he's gone to sleep and would steal his pain killers. I was finally caught by him after stealing a months worth ( 90 pills) so I understand why he can't trust me.
1 1/2 years ago he started sleeping on the couch. He says its only because its more comfortable. I have a feeling that its more than that. We've only been intimate twice this past year because I told him I had another flashback again during sex. He says we won't have sex again because he doesn't want t hurt me. He still hurts me by saying the stuff he says.
He keeps telling my 6 month old granddaughter that I'm crazy. He talks to many of his Facebook and other friends and family and our grown children about our sex life or lack of after I have asked him repeatedly not to. He'll talk about sex and what he wants me to do with him ( never what he wants to do with me). He's always putting me down.
I was diagnosed with PTSD about 3 years ago. He doesn't believe me because he knows many women had more traumatic experiences and they're OK and got over it. He has dyslexia and so he won't read up on it or use these forums to help him learn about it.
We have always had a dysfunctional relationship but it sure would be nice if he could understand what I struggle with everyday instead of saying I'm lazy, it happened so long ago that I should be over by now or his favorite..its mind over matter. My answer to that is always I have no mind so it doesn't matter.
Sorry this is so long. Just wanted to give a little inside info of what I deal with everyday. Any ideas of how I can help him understand PTSD and how hurtful his comments are
We have been thru rough times before and managed to stay together. He grew up in a tough home. His parents were both alcoholics. He was emotionally, verbally and physically abused by his father. Loud confrontations was an everyday occurence. He became an alcoholic.
I grew up in a supportive family. My parents never yelled at each other. Conflict was dealt by my dad going to my grandparents. So I never learned conflict resolution.
When I was 12 we moved to UK for 4 years. At the age of 13 I was sexually assaulted by a classmate. I never mentioned it to anybody! And after awhile I managed to stuff it down and got on with my life.At 18 I started smoking weed a few times a day.
Jump ahead to the age of 23. I am dating the man who I will marry. We went to a Halloween party but I left early as I wasn't feeling well. His father drove me back to his house and dropped me off. I went to bed. Sometime around 2:00 AM Joe got back. He was very drunk. He wanted sex, I did not. He forcefully raped me. I should have gone home but I didn't. The next day he told me that he cheated the night before. He forced himself on me to prove that he still loved me. Not sure if he was trying to prove himself or me.
This assault was a trigger and I had a flashback where I remembered bits and pieces of my rape some years earlier. I convinced myself that he loved me and was a good man.
We married a few months later. His drinking continued and I had to be high just to relax enough so sex is possible.
14 years ago he fell at work and broke his back. He was lucky he wasn't paralized. Shortly after that he went to rehab and has remained sober for 13 years. I tried to quit the drugs but as of right now I have not been successful.
He is in pain every day and keeps his meds locked up. I would sneak to get the key after he's gone to sleep and would steal his pain killers. I was finally caught by him after stealing a months worth ( 90 pills) so I understand why he can't trust me.
1 1/2 years ago he started sleeping on the couch. He says its only because its more comfortable. I have a feeling that its more than that. We've only been intimate twice this past year because I told him I had another flashback again during sex. He says we won't have sex again because he doesn't want t hurt me. He still hurts me by saying the stuff he says.
He keeps telling my 6 month old granddaughter that I'm crazy. He talks to many of his Facebook and other friends and family and our grown children about our sex life or lack of after I have asked him repeatedly not to. He'll talk about sex and what he wants me to do with him ( never what he wants to do with me). He's always putting me down.
I was diagnosed with PTSD about 3 years ago. He doesn't believe me because he knows many women had more traumatic experiences and they're OK and got over it. He has dyslexia and so he won't read up on it or use these forums to help him learn about it.
We have always had a dysfunctional relationship but it sure would be nice if he could understand what I struggle with everyday instead of saying I'm lazy, it happened so long ago that I should be over by now or his favorite..its mind over matter. My answer to that is always I have no mind so it doesn't matter.
Sorry this is so long. Just wanted to give a little inside info of what I deal with everyday. Any ideas of how I can help him understand PTSD and how hurtful his comments are
