Not new, but particularly bad right now...not trusting anyone, nobody seems real, almost feels like people are trying to trick me. Very foggy headed, extreme feeling of being in my thick bubble (my tiny reality and everything outside of me in fuzzy or non-existent so I'm avoiding the creepiness by mostly staring at the floor, staying in small familiar spaces). A note from my therapist suggested setting a timer and hiding. But she doesn't seem real either and I think I should quit therapy (topic for a different post but I don't want to get into it...all related to this stuff). Also hiding doesn't help today...I mean, I'm doing it naturally but curling up in some corner isn't making me feeling safer, just further away. Also nauseous and numb and feel weak (nothing physically wrong...just weak feeling connected to numb state).
I partly thinking I can haul my ass to my 12-step meeting but I feel like a freak and really non-functional, also not convinced I should drive. I don't want to be stuck this way forever. This is my typical disconnection x 10.
Mostly related to really early interpersonal traumas but I don't want to get into it or figure it out (just that I recognize the feeling from really young years)...I just want to feel more normal. On some level I realize I feel a little safer in this bubble state, but also that's it's not good for me. Breathing is a little challenging and I'm starting to get panicky.
Not sure if others relate to derealization, especially with people (like they are characters from some other reality and I can feel real to myself only if they are not real and I am protected in a very small, extremely isolative and avoidant bubble). Worse with people i feel in some position to trust. So I can't reach out to anyone in this state (oddly trying the web though). Does it ever get better? I'm extremely tired of insurance uncertainties with my current therapist but I'm not willing to start over somewhere else right now because I'm too on-edge and don't trust anyone anyway. I will cut myself up if anyone tries to get into my reality. Listening to birds to try to "wake up" a bit. Need to find a project or distraction and ride it out, but afraid I will never have a normal life.
Sorry this post is so f*cking confusing.
I partly thinking I can haul my ass to my 12-step meeting but I feel like a freak and really non-functional, also not convinced I should drive. I don't want to be stuck this way forever. This is my typical disconnection x 10.
Mostly related to really early interpersonal traumas but I don't want to get into it or figure it out (just that I recognize the feeling from really young years)...I just want to feel more normal. On some level I realize I feel a little safer in this bubble state, but also that's it's not good for me. Breathing is a little challenging and I'm starting to get panicky.
Not sure if others relate to derealization, especially with people (like they are characters from some other reality and I can feel real to myself only if they are not real and I am protected in a very small, extremely isolative and avoidant bubble). Worse with people i feel in some position to trust. So I can't reach out to anyone in this state (oddly trying the web though). Does it ever get better? I'm extremely tired of insurance uncertainties with my current therapist but I'm not willing to start over somewhere else right now because I'm too on-edge and don't trust anyone anyway. I will cut myself up if anyone tries to get into my reality. Listening to birds to try to "wake up" a bit. Need to find a project or distraction and ride it out, but afraid I will never have a normal life.
Sorry this post is so f*cking confusing.
