bob fawcett
Bronze Member
Hi All,
Well this is an odd thread but I feel that soldiers with PTSD could be the only people who could relate to what I have had to be put through. I have owned a large dogsled company for the last 15 years. As the economy turned we were forced to sell to a corporation 2 years ago. They did nothing but complain about costs and were not willing to sell some of the herd because they wanted all the animals on deck "in case" it was busy. We had 330 dogs. most of them were raised by me and family (2 kids, now 7 and 11) This year I have lost the medial tendon in both my arms and have badly damaged both ulnar nerves. I was scheduled for surgery in early May. 2 weeks before surgery (still working) I was told the company was going to fold unless we took drastic action. The drastic action would be the immediate disposal of half the herd. There is no more money and the owners would only continue on if we did the reduction and went with a new business model, less dogs, less costs. These were my family. I reluctantly agreed to the job as I have always euthanised the older or injured dogs myself. Taken them for a nice walk, had a steak in a bowl in the woods and their last memory was a lovely mountain setting with a great meal. And always away from the rest of the herd. Well I was told I had 2 days to get the job done due to a large tour group we had coming and we couldn't afford more time. So I my manager take a truck to the bottom of the road so no one could come up and gave him a radio in case I shot myself. I then set about the direct execution of 60 of my friends on day 1. Some I missed, had to chase around with blood everywhere, some I had to slit their throats because it was the only way to keep them calm in my arms. I had one still alive in a pit I dug for a mass burial. I carried them all one by one so as to at least give them some kind of respect. Day 2 was no different. I guess I need people who have been to hell and have seen hell to understand how I feel and maybe be able to listen and share. I dunno if this is the right place, if not feel free to boot me. I have tried other forums but it is mostly out of work people, divorces, run of the mill stress. I have been diagnosed with complex ptsd, i cut myself to have some feelings, drink to have feelings otherwise I'm pretty dead emotionally. I cant sleep, I have regular flashbacks, I sometimes drop when I hear a dog bark, and gun shots freeze me solid. Overall a bit of a mess. I have great kids and a supportive wife but I fear my behavior is escalating and I may be forced to move out so as to not completely freak them out. That's my story. Oh yeah, surgery came out poorly, left my right arm worse than before, and they don't want to do my left one for fear of messing it up too. This leaves me in chronic pain. Thankfully I had full medical coverage and am able to support my family through all this. Kinda at rock bottom here. Hope I can connect with some of you and help and be helped through PTSD hell
Well this is an odd thread but I feel that soldiers with PTSD could be the only people who could relate to what I have had to be put through. I have owned a large dogsled company for the last 15 years. As the economy turned we were forced to sell to a corporation 2 years ago. They did nothing but complain about costs and were not willing to sell some of the herd because they wanted all the animals on deck "in case" it was busy. We had 330 dogs. most of them were raised by me and family (2 kids, now 7 and 11) This year I have lost the medial tendon in both my arms and have badly damaged both ulnar nerves. I was scheduled for surgery in early May. 2 weeks before surgery (still working) I was told the company was going to fold unless we took drastic action. The drastic action would be the immediate disposal of half the herd. There is no more money and the owners would only continue on if we did the reduction and went with a new business model, less dogs, less costs. These were my family. I reluctantly agreed to the job as I have always euthanised the older or injured dogs myself. Taken them for a nice walk, had a steak in a bowl in the woods and their last memory was a lovely mountain setting with a great meal. And always away from the rest of the herd. Well I was told I had 2 days to get the job done due to a large tour group we had coming and we couldn't afford more time. So I my manager take a truck to the bottom of the road so no one could come up and gave him a radio in case I shot myself. I then set about the direct execution of 60 of my friends on day 1. Some I missed, had to chase around with blood everywhere, some I had to slit their throats because it was the only way to keep them calm in my arms. I had one still alive in a pit I dug for a mass burial. I carried them all one by one so as to at least give them some kind of respect. Day 2 was no different. I guess I need people who have been to hell and have seen hell to understand how I feel and maybe be able to listen and share. I dunno if this is the right place, if not feel free to boot me. I have tried other forums but it is mostly out of work people, divorces, run of the mill stress. I have been diagnosed with complex ptsd, i cut myself to have some feelings, drink to have feelings otherwise I'm pretty dead emotionally. I cant sleep, I have regular flashbacks, I sometimes drop when I hear a dog bark, and gun shots freeze me solid. Overall a bit of a mess. I have great kids and a supportive wife but I fear my behavior is escalating and I may be forced to move out so as to not completely freak them out. That's my story. Oh yeah, surgery came out poorly, left my right arm worse than before, and they don't want to do my left one for fear of messing it up too. This leaves me in chronic pain. Thankfully I had full medical coverage and am able to support my family through all this. Kinda at rock bottom here. Hope I can connect with some of you and help and be helped through PTSD hell
