Not answering emails

[BoN-bOn]

i email my T pretty often. She has almost always responded. If not immediately, she usually responds eventually. I haven’t received an email from her in over a week. I’ve emailed her several times, nothing emergent but normally she would have responded. I am heartbroken & in need of some connection with her right now. My mind is bouncing around thinking “is this some form of punishment? Did I do something wrong? Am I too needy? Is this some way of making me less dependent on her? Is she gone forever?? Is she tired of me??” I feel so silly for needing to hear from her & I feel silly for jumping to these extreme conclusions & thinking I don’t matter. I honestly don’t have the energy to get out of bed today I just feel crushed.

 

[expectingbetter]

When will you see her next time? It would be good to ask her in person what has changed.

 

[UnicornSightings]

It’s not about you. Whatever is going on with her is based on her own thinking or her own issues. I get how you’re wondering what you did wrong but you didn’t do anything wrong. Ask her about it when you see her next. Maybe she has a lot going on personally. I think we tend to forget our therapists have their own issues that they have to tend to.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I will see her tomorrow. I just want to sleep until then.

 

[UnicornSightings]

This is also a good opportunity for you to consider how else you may find connection with someone. Is there a support group in your area? You could even just go and listen. Think of what your base need is and consider how you can meet that without your t.

 

[expectingbetter]

I know how you feel.
Tomorrow is very soon. I am sure she will reassure you that she is there for you and explain what is going on.
My T would suggest in such circumstances not to think about it until tomorrow, please try to occupy yourself with something, and in less than 24h you'll get your answer.
I'm very confident that the reason for this has nothing to do with your behaviour.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

i email my T pretty often. She has almost always responded. If not immediately, she usually responds ev...

This happens to me, but it is usually because I am in a trauma loop or triggered by something. My thought process that I am a bother and shouldn’t be invading her private time, or not valuable enough as a human being to receive a response. It doesn’t matter that she almost always responds. At one point, I got really upset because her response seemed cold and she only signed her name. We talked about it because it was spilling into my ability to trust her. I was really afraid that she would take email away entirely, and sometimes I really do need some advice when struggling with my usual grounding stuff between sessions. I also recently learned that I need to not share new information in an email with her. Saving that for in person. If I can’t say or have her read it in person, spitting it out in an email is not a safe idea on my end. It just makes it all worse for me. When I did make this mistake a few weeks ago, she got me through it and I felt more trust in her because of it, but I have now set this boundary on myself. Also, thank God she didn’t mention it at all to me when we met last week. The shame was really just too much for me to deal with right now.

I hope that you get a response soon, to put your mind at ease. I doubt your T is trying to teach any kind of lesson. She may just have a lot of personal stuff going on. The time my T did the “cold” response, it was really just some quick instructions on how to deal with my situation. She said she spit it out so fast because she was traveling at the time.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I’m afraid that she will stop responding forever too @TexCat , I am trying to remember all of the times she has told me to never ever apologize for emailing her & that I have every right to share my feelings with her. Somehow the panic sets in & I immediately feel unworthy, unlovable, inferior, disgusting, & the list goes on & gets worse & worse. So funny how minor bad feelings can turn into a catastrophe in a matter of hours. How suddenly you can go from feeling a little bit bad to feeling like you don’t deserve to be alive. :(

 

[Stephernovas]

Wow. You are putting a lot of your eggs into one basket. I get she is your therapist, but what part of what she has been teaching you can you do on your own to manage this moment? I have no idea where you are in your recovery, so this may come off as harsh, but I hope you consider what is making your emotions/mood so dependant on what one person in this whole world has to say? I have PTSD, so I get the needs around feeling secure and etc with someone (and to many 'the one person') that you have trusted but what would you do if you never got to talk to her again? How would you manage whats going on for you right now? That may be more of an "importanter" (lol) conversation than forcing your therapist to explain why she wasn't there when you needed her outside of session. What do you think?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m afraid that she will stop responding forever too @TexCat , I am trying to reme...

That’s because of rumination. Which might be a good goal for you to get out of that. I do that too if I don’t catch it right away and it’s easier to stop when you first catch the thoughts. I think that’s a dbt skill. Anyone know?

 

[BoN-bOn]

Yeah @Stephernovas ,there’s definitely some inner stuff going on at the moment & I feel angry for even having a “need” to hear from her or feel connected. I don’t NEED anyone so why is she any more important than anyone else right now?

 

[Stephernovas]

why is she any more important than anyone else right now?

honestly, I've had a similar situation but it was with a friend who dug into my life and made me get super close with her. Then one day, she ditched me and got her manager (she was my friend/personal trainer) to ask me not to contact her. It was a few short weeks after where I had my accident and was diagnosed with PTSD. To this day I still think about her, wonder why she won't talk to me or msg me back. I've had a lot of the same feelings you are experiencing right now. I hate to say it, but you are dependant on her. You say you don't need anyone, but this scenario you are struggling with right now tells a different story. The struggle now is, what are you going to do about it?
I feel for you, cause I know how bad this sucks.