Not feeling understood by my therapist...

[Sea_lady]

Today, I had another session with my therapist and I feel deeply misunderstood... What do you do when that happens? What can you do when you can't find the right words?...

 

[UnicornSightings]

Today, I had another session with my therapist and I feel deeply misunderstood... What do you do when...

“When I said (whatever you said) I felt you didn’t understand me. Can we talk about that?”

 

[blackemerald1]

“When I said (whatever you said) I felt you didn’t understand me. Can we talk about that?”

Exactly that^^

 

[xXRockFiendXx]

I spent the week thinking on what happened and then brought it back up the next session. My counselor ended up feeling that we were also not on the same page that day so it was easier to talk about the next session. I was able to explain better what I meant and felt with a week to think about it, myself, because God knows with this PTSD I hardly knew what happened the same day. I dunno if a week of thinking would be suitable for everyone but it helped me to slowly work through why I felt so disconnected from him that day.

 

[Sea_lady]

We talked and I tried to explain myself... She kept repeating the same stuff, and then said that I was "sabotaging the work". She tried to make me feel guilty because I was not following the instructions blindly, I was asking questions and I was highlighting that I didn't understand the reason why we were doing the protocol, and did not see what we were trying to achieve, exactly...

"Healing" was too vague... I kept asking more specific answers, she couldn't answers and she ended up putting the blame on me, all was my fault because I expressed doubts and hesitations. I asked her to do something else (address a specific trauma that disturbs me now) but she refused and wanted to make me keep on doing the thing she wanted to do today even though it was leading us absolutely nowhere and even if I didn't see what she was trying to make me do.... When I didn't look fully okay with that, she has finally told me we stop.

What would you do if you were in that situation?... I don't know what to think even if I feel something wrong happened today... That manner she had to manipulate me with making me feel guilty, putting the blames on me because I don't follow her way because of my confusion.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

What would you do if you were in that situation?.

Find a new therapist.

If it’s not the right fit it’s best to just find someone who is. If you T still isn’t willing to listen to what you’re saying then they’re probably not a very good T.

 

[blackemerald1]

So are you still talking about the same session in your opening post or have you been back and explained to her that you didn't understand?

How long have you been seeing this therapist? If you are new with therapy, it is natural you may be apprehensive about how things work and why. But again as already suggested...make sure you tell her what you are not understanding and why.

You are the client. She is (supposed) to be there to help you. So you have to achieve a high level of trust. Do you trust this person?

 

[Sea_lady]

@blackemerald1 Same session, yes, today... She later send me an email to suggest we have a talking session next week instead of keeping going on with what she wants. I've seen her once a week for 7 months...

Do I trust her?... I guess... I just don't see why she has stopped a work that started to be effective after long months of efforts to shift completely to another new thing. Either I block like today, or the outcome is the opposite of what she tries to achieve: last week, I was supposed to feel better after the session about my own existence, but I ended up worse, with the thought "I wish I wasn't born". Even when she tries to engage in a dialogue, she doesn't seem to understand me at all, and I sometimes don't see clearly her point.

I question, yes... That's what I am, it is my personality. I love Research, thinking out of the box, asking why for everything, I am curious, I don't just follow like a sheep. She seems to be bothered by that.

@NoWhereKnowWhere I think you're right... Maybe it is time for me to find another therapist. Someone who understands my needs and who will not make me feel like I am wasting a fortune, time and the little hopes I can have left...

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Is she a ptsd trauma therapist?

I think the T needs to understand how important it is that we feel in control and like we have a say.

Also, I misinterpreted my first t on a couple of occasions. I think that is part of the reason that she “fired” me, but the person she sent me to is a much better fit. Also, my first t seemed to want to focus on the work that she is passionate about during my sessions, not what I needed. Since I had never been in therapy before, I didn’t recognize that that was going on.

 

[Sea_lady]

@TexCat Yes, she is specialized in trauma therapy. You are very right when you highlight the need to feel in control... The work we do is upsetting and painful, I often feel bad after each sessions and almost gave up because of that. Feeling too passive and bearing the pain without even understanding why, if it worth it, where we are going to with that precisely... It is like feeling a powerless victim again. Being blamed when I dare insisting on understanding or formulate doubts and confused, that just makes me feel trapped.

 

[blackemerald1]

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking questions & expecting honest answers.

I don't think you should be blamed or be made to feel you are doing something wrong for asking about the treatment you are receiving.

Feedback is critical for you both. How else are you supposed to understand anything?

I hope your next appt., is much better.

 

[Corey]

I am in a very similar situation!
I also think we are very similar as people.

You say you have PTSD. Do you think you have anything else? Did any of your therapists tell you you have anything else?

I'm really confused with my own experience with therapists O_o