Not Meant To Rehash

[joeylittle]

@FridayJones - I just want to observe, you've done a clever thing that I've used some as well. I'm not saying anyone else needs to use it, but some might like it. We have a spoiler tag. For me, it functions like having endnotes on a post - it lets me expand on something, without literally taking up so much space.

Spoiler: extended thoughts on communication styles and sharing of my own

Because this:

Part of it is TBI, part of it is personality flaw, part 'Here's my bias front loaded; take what -if anything- applies".

is so similar to my own challenges with communicating. It does make me wonder how much of it is a TBI thing. See, here inside this spoiler I can now share that I for sure know I use more words than are always needed. It's partially a left-over something from when I was aphasic, it's partially very ingrained as a 'make sure you are completely transparent, otherwise you will be misunderstood, and misunderstandings can lead to reactions, and reactions can lead to consequences that don't stop.' Anyway, that's my little side tangent on communication.

But the events of the past few days, members chastising the entire community for something only myself and a few others do? Seems like consensus is everyone else would be better off if I left.

Nope. I think the difference has to do with intent. I'm always very clear that you're connecting everything back to the main-line of the conversation. And like @Ragdoll Circus said - if I want to skim and come back later, I do. There's a small batch of us could start the 'too many words, much story, many comparison, wow' club - but I believe intent does come across, even when execution feels sloppy (I also want to be clear, I'm really describing my opinions about my own moments of super-sharing, and kind of assuming that others who see that in themselves might have those same inner voices that I do. But, I could be way off base. I definitely know that I rely on my awareness of my own motivations - that if I'm honest, if I'm where I'm at, and if I know what we are collectively talking about, and I come to it with listening as well as talking, that it'll turn out OK, most of the time. Now, back to the main content.

It's very handy when I do want to share, but also want to say something that is focused, that is about the main subject, and doesn't get buried in my own ramblings.

Like I said - i don't think everyone should suddenly start hiding their ramblings - just sharing something that, style-wise, I find kind of fun and practical.

 

[Sandstone]

@FridayJones There are times I've had you on ignore, because I saw no relevance in what you wrote. There are times I've liked your posts because they are so spot on. The times I've liked your posts best are when you have started the thread with something you want to work on. I always like going on a journey with someone.

But those things are all about me, not about you. I'd prefer it if you stayed.

 

[Sandstone]

I also agree with @Alice.in.Wonderland that struggling with communication is part of my PTSD. We can't hear straight because there are so many layers of fear, distrust, and confusion. We can't speak straight because we don't know how our words will be received. To me, it often seems safer to stay silent

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’
’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’
’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.”

 

[Mallaky]

I hope I am right in believing that sometimes short snappy answers are the way to go, and sometimes a nice sprawling story is just right.
Just two days ago I wrote a long post about me in someone's thread, and the OP was very very happy about it. It was just what the OP needed. Made my day, honestly.

I am not sure about the harm it does if I guess wrong about the right tool. When misjudged my long posts just gets ignored and I still benefited from writing it, and I don't think I have ever registered me doing harm that way. And when I guessed right and a long post was needed, people appreciate it a lot, which is so nice. So I guess I will just continue like I did:
Thinking of how to contribute best and trust my judgement.

And if I ever get feedback to the contrary, feedback reminding me of all this, I will make extra sure I listen.
In a way I already did, I think, by not pushing anything when a post got no responses.

I am afraid though, that I got it all wrong. Then again, thats just the background music of my life.

 

[StellaBlue]

Seems like consensus is everyone else would be better off if I left.

I don't really post or log in much anymore - but I do come here to read the threads and get support vicariously....and I have to say, I find your posts some of the most helpful on this forum. Blunt? Usually. Do I agree with them all? Not necessarily. Do they (and you) add value to the conversation? Always. Would everyone else be better off if you left? No.

 

[ladee]

@FridayJones , there has been so much love , respect and support for you here in this thread... I just pray you take your own advice and let it mean something to you, and not deprive us of your insights and bare bones approach to helping us... Sending prayers to you.

 

[Mallaky]

Would everyone else be better off if you left? No.

The opposite really. Forum would be poorer without @FridayJones .

 

[Ava Jarvis]

I think you're awesome, @FridayJones, even when we don't agree. Please don't leave.

 

[shimmerz]

I think what is important to see in some postings is the widespread use of 'they (collective), everyone, all, us'. I know pretty much immediately that someone is reacting to an issue using deflection when there is this grandiose language. Unfortunately, many with abuse in our background take these things on ourselves because we were perhaps conditioned to be more sensitive to the reactions/verbage of others.

I personally, don't want to see anyone go. I value varied opinions and sometimes they can come from the most unlikely places/people/experiences. I cherish those golden nuggets. I think it would serve us all well if we could recognize when we are taking on something that doesn't belong to us. I, personally, am going to tell my stories if I feel they may be of use. The thing is, I will be making myself vulnerable to someone saying that that experience (although important to me) is not important to them. That can be like a dagger in the heart. But that is our own issue.... not someone else's.

Moving forward.... there was this time that.....

eh.... never mind. :speechless: :cool:

:hug:

 

[ladee]

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Thank you @shimmerz, let's hope this ends on a happy note.. Thanks for making me laugh !!

 

[anthony]

Guilty.

You aren't one of the offenders for myself... but then, I'm also not playing the guessing game either. People should not doubt themselves... when members are getting thread bans for such, then you know you're one of the offenders.