not scared to die

[Scott88]

I am actually finding this hard to word what I mean

My suicidle thoughts are no longer scaring me and Is that making me scared ? I don’t know the only thing stopping me right now from escaping all this pain and giving up is my child , is this going to dissapesr? I’s the thred that’s my child that’s keeping me here going to snap?
My thoughts of ending everything don’t scare or affect me now i am writing here because that’s what’s bothering me more I don’t want help got these thoughts it’s like if I do do it and end it I don’t need talking out of it I actually feel nothing towards ending it like it’s fine for me to do it? This is how I feel , is this thred of my child going to disappear and when that does that’s it ? Anybody felt like this?

 

[ladee]

Yes. That 'thread' of hanging on for my child never broke. He didn't know that was what was keeping me alive. Too much to burden him with.

But it was enough to keep me moving, enough for me to do what ever I had to do, one minute at a time some days, until something shifted enough for me to want to stay alive for myself.

And as much as I wanted to end my pain, I could not leave more pain behind for others. Especially my child.

If you haven't gotten help, please do. Do what ever it takes to get on medication, have someone to talk to. You don't have to 'feel' like it, just do it. You don't have to believe any support will help, just do it.

Suicidal thinking is so damned distorted, but at the time, it feels the most real and that action seems the only answer. It's not.

There is a reason your child is what is keeping you alive. Because that child represents hope. Because we are too blinded by pain to see any other way.

And I have also been at that 'blissful' place of not caring any longer. But I made my feet move. I couldn't do that to my child.

I hear you. I understand. You don't think you can do what it takes, but you can.

And, I can tell you, by staying with it, even when there was nothing but that thread that kept me hanging on, it has been worth staying for. I became the reason I stayed.

Do what ever it takes to get help with the depression.

Thank you for reaching out for help and validation. It has reminded me of where I was, and how hard it was to move forward, but how grateful I am today, that I took the action, with the help of that thread of my child, to have the life I have today.

Thinking of you today. Don't give up. It does change. It really does.

 

[Freida]

I've gotten to a point where the thoughts of dying don't scare me, and yep -- that scared the crap out of me.

Tell your T. Now. Let her help you sort that out because yes, your child is worth living for. And so are yo....

 

[blackemerald1]

Yes my children were & still are the thread - even though they are adults now. (I too did not tell them).
Get some help now.

You never stop being a parent & they don't stop being your children.

 

[shatter eyes]

My thread is my senior mom...

It scares me also how the thoughts of giving up and kill myself just dont impact me as if i a desensitived to fear death.

I want to live. Yet with all the pain and struggles plus TBI i am worry if my mom dies i would just give up. I want to get well and stop this thinking.

 

[TTC18]

You're not alone. Focus on your child. Even if you don't feel like you're worth it, your child is worth it. You're not afraid of death- I never have been. But I've utterly lost my sh*t thinking about harm coming to my child. If you have that thread, focus on it - look at it, see it, and make it powerful. Your child needs you.