Not sleeping

[hopinghope]

I am new here but i have been dealing with ptsd for almost 3 years now. My ptsd mostly stems from deaths. I found my dad dead a few years ago and he had been dead for several weeks. I seemed to get pass that death but since every year more family and close friends have passed. This year alone i have lost 4 people i cared for. Since the last dead just over a month ago i can't seem to sleep. When i do manage a few hours they are filled with nightmares or i can't go to a real sleep where instead i can hear everything around me awake at moment notice. I am so lost. I am in therapy but have few close friends. I try to exhaust myself so i will sleep and still nothing. I read to wear down and still nothing. I even tried writing things out and blacking out noise and light. Nothing seems to be working. Any suggestions? At this point my toddler even is thrown off her sleeping schedule. I know my deepest part with my ptsd stems from my dad's death. I still have never talked over what i saw. He was the main part of my life besides my children. I feel so lost without him. Of the 3 people i had build the trust to talk to about things 2 died this year.

 

[bellbird]

Oh @hopinghope , my sincerest empathy for the things you have endured throughout your life.

I, too, suffer from chronic nightmares.
Are you taking any medication?
And what type of therapy are you having?

Sending ((((((gentle hugs)))))) your way, if you accept.
I hope you will find some comfort in our community, and in talking to others with similar parts to their stories.

 

[MamaHopeful]

You are not alone.
The most I can sleep is an hour. If I can sleep an hour I feel like I've won the lottery.
My anxiety is so severe that as I fall asleep I just start kicking my legs or get a giant surge of adrenaline or yell out for help.
Not sleeping is a phobia of mine, so when I don't sleep my anxiety tends to spiral into cognitive distortions, too.
Having this space is helpful.
Sending you lots of love!

 

[hopinghope]

Right now i am only on meds from my oral surgery from this weekend and for acid reflux. The med from surgery does make it harder to sleep, it is one of the side effects but dentist won't switch it and so i am making do til the pain has gotten better. The sleeping issues have been going on long before this med tho. I too do jerk myself awake because i can't get the deep sleep. So then when the nightmares happen if i make it pass the point of hearing everything around because in such a light sleep more like a doze then i see or feel something that scares me to point i jump or jerk in my sleep. I am starting to think i yell or cry out during it because my daughter seems to end up 2-3 nights a week climbing in my bed (she's a toddler). I struggle to get up and make myself do anything. My daughter and son are the reason that makes me get up and try. I have been trying to find hobbys or something to find enjoyment from again. I even forced myself to go out and see a friend today to try to make a change. I keep pushing everyone away because beside my kids and therapist i just don't want to be around people. The less i sleep the more closed off i seem to become. My brother is the main family i have close and he has tried to help full the space my dad left but he lives in my father's house where i found my dad. So when i go there to spend time it's agonizing and getting worse. It triggers me smelling a scent and by time i go back home i have just sunk deeper. Thank you all for taking the time for a stranger. My therapist suggested trying forums. It helps to know there are others out there and feel a little less alone.

 

[bellbird]

You most certainly are not alone :)

Sounds like these nightmares are really stopping you from living your life.

I brought up the question about medications because there are some that are often prescribed for nightmares. Namely, Prazosin and Quetiapine (Seroquel). I know meds aren't everyone's thing but they might be a useful tool in breaking this constant cycle of sleep deprivation and emotional distress. They might also be useful particularly if your post-op meds tend to keep you awake.

Therapy-wise, I know many folks on here have had some success with EMDR (I've never tried it myself), perhaps you could ask your therapist if they have training in that area, or if they know of someone who does.

Good on you for trying to find things that will bring you enjoyment. It may be hard going, but I think that shows a lot of resilience :)

 

[TTC18]

So sorry for what you're going through - I can't recommend anything, I can't sleep myself.
I go to sleep at night just like a baby. AAAHhhhhhhh... all day long I look forward to that moment of my head sinking into the pillow. Out Like a Light!! But only for half an hour. And I wake up all night long until I give up and get up at 1AM or 2AM. It's horrible. I hope you find relief soon. Have you talked to your therapist about the lack of sleep? Sometimes I feel like I give my therapist too much information and she can't respond to all of it, and so picks the biggest bit to talk about. I have to repeat something multiple times and ask directly - WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT XYZ??? to get a response about it, sometimes. Hopefully your therapist has some ideas for you!