Not Sure If It Is Ptsd Or Character Flaw

[mpb1031]

Hi, I have a question to hopefully get an answer to. I have a boyfriend we are both 50 and we have lived together and thought even to get married but PTSD and other issues came in the way. He was in Afghan. I have a question do Vets with PTSD show very selfish behaviour?

While living together I took care of us finacially When we could not live together I paid for him to move into an apartment. He later moved back in with me. I made sure he got started on hobbies, paid for all his supplies, went to all his doc appt, was there when he was in crisis.

He moved in with his Mom 4 months ago. Now he received his VA disability bought himself a new car but did not offer to help me pay for a doctor visit that I needed since I have no insurance. Even during our relationship and especially now that he has $$, he has not done anything nice for me, just himself.

I do not know his character before so I cannot judge the before and after. I just want to know if this is ptsd. Our relationship has been just over 1 yr.

Thank you

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Stormy Eagle]

Obviously I know nothing about your boyfriend, but you can not blame selfish behavior on PTSD. I have had many similar men in my life and none of them had this condition.

 

[Stormy Eagle]

I am going to be honest...I am very triggered by what you asked. Selfishness in not a symptom of PTSD; most of us are very kind and giving people. The man sounds like a complete jerk! It is no reflection on you, my last 2 men were the same way.

 

[Zipperhead]

Welcome to the Forum. No, selfish behaviour isn't a common symptom of PTSD. Withdrawl is though. If he is unaware of your needs, that might explain some of it. But if you have mentioned your needs, and he has made no effort to accomidate, then no, it's not the PTSD.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I just want to know if this is ptsd.

MBP,

A diagnosis can only be provided by a qualified psychiatrist or a psychologist.

Anyone can have 'issues' and can behave in ways that are not acceptable nor nice for others. Being selfish is a flaw in the general population and therefore it is not a suitable diagnostic criteria for any illness.

Having an illness like PTSD, does not mean that a person can 'get away' with treating others poorly. At times, things can be difficult and patience is required, but it should never be used as an 'excuse' for bad behavior. Any carer (loved one of a sufferer) must also look after themselves.

You might like to have a think about whether the relationship is healthy for you? I am guessing you're questioning this very thing as you have posted here....Only you know the answer to that question.

However, don't stay in a relationship 'solely' out of pity. Relationships should be based on many positive things and if you are in it because of pity, it is not being honest with yourself or your boyfriend, regardless of how long you have been together or any illness.

Best of luck,

 

[Nicolette]

IMHO PTSD Sufferers are selfish at times from their illness - that is when they isolate and withdraw as they take themselves away from others no matter the cost. This is also necessary for their survival so a catch 22.

The examples you gave mp1031 are not PTSD Selfishness IMHO.

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the forum.

I don't know if he has been formally diagnosed or not, but as PTSD Sufferer said only a professional can do that. I agree that there are times I may appear selfish or self-centered but it's because I tend to live in a series of complex environments in my head, often forgetting about those around, though not on purpose. That doesn't mean there aren't times I prefer to shut others out either, that being said from what you seem to be saying he doesn't seem to be the type that considers your feelings at all or ever and I wouldn't consider that a symptom of PTSD.

Take care of yourself,
peace,
Rain