Not Sure What To Do Or Where To Go After Being Brutalized By Police Because I Have Ptsd

[Lucycat]

But he may also have simply been trying to help. "Face your fears / come at them head on / it's painful don't give up" kind of attitude is what is preached from high to low. Both inside and outside of PTSD.

That was rather my interpretation of it. I think because I have recently been told that I should stand up and confront my abuser rather than cowering and crying at home. However after this discussion ( ?rant) from my husband I discussed it further with T. He agrees with @Ed Norton that these conversations belong in therapy. He suggested that I do not discuss anything therapy related with Rory if his responses are not helpful.

I absolutely agree that @Fadeaway 's partner does not sound helpful. I am just not sure if it is deliberate or simply desperate.

 

[Fadeaway]

I don't know right now, I feel so confused. Everything I am, everything I have thought to be true is so unclear to me. Things I wanted to belive, things I didn't want to believe...

I have struggled fighting against the fact that something was inherently wrong with me at birth that made people want to hurt me. I isolated myself as an adult for a reason I thought he was one one person in my life who would never hurt me. Learning to trust him was the biggest challenge i ever had but I did, and now...

With out him I am completely alone, he was the first and only person to love me. And the amount of things I am struggling with right now on top this.

 

[Ed Norton]

I'm sorry about what you're going through. I think that you should make it quite clear that what he's doing to you is cruel and abusive and that you will not tolerate it any more. As the saying goes you can do bad all by yourself. It's markedly unacceptable behavior on his part that at the very least only serves to retraumatize you. IF he can't understand that, he's simply not worth it.

 

[Ronin]

@Fadeaway, I hope that you'll find the kind of safety you need. Also I was thinking, would there be any safer psychiatric hospital you /could/ go to? Or combined in-patient/out-patient program? It sounds hospitalization'd be likely to mess you up more, but I was wondering if short time stay (days range) or combination of psychiatric care wouldn't be doable.

Is there any rape/crisis center anywhere near you that you could go to, or at least call when in time of emergency? Or women's shelters?

@Solara, I don't necessarily think @FridayJones is victim blaming here, or defending an abuser. What was shared is in some cases, to secure physical security of a person *is* priority, *however* achieved, is achievement. Is needed, nobody was saying good or first choice thing. Just that to an outside observer, partner included, what's immediately needed in the situation? May be darn difficult to figure, if unprepared for it.

And then there's difference in intent. The effect on the held person may be the same. But intent to harm them? Totally may not be there. To assume plain black and white that intent is there, is too simplistic.

May be difference in experience, though. I'm just not thinking it's helpful to judge every restriction as abusive, and with intent to be so. I've been in situations people keeping me with them, were keeping me from getting hurt worse. Via my own reactions or others. And I'm damned grateful they've done it. Pleasant, it wasn't. But that *isn't* a priority when staying alive is. Caring for the life of another *IS* care. Let's not pretend otherwise. Because it implies concern for life is nothing.

That said, I'm sorry for situations where the situation is bad, settings are bad, and people involved in it basically trapped, even arising.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think a few of you need to go over to the supporter side of the forum and check out how NO voluntary bad behavior is tolerated. I think I'm a bit shocked that we are the diagnosed ones who have VERY real involuntary behavior yet we are the ones who are supposed to be more forgiving of the normies than they are of us? Oh hells no. Yes, please, journey over there and see how harsh the comments can be. Why should we tolerate bad behavior when they don't? Please don't give me this "intention" crap. You know what they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions! This guy's behavior is VERY voluntary. He made a very conscious choice to imprison her. PTSD or not, its illegal to imprison anyone for any reason. Its like saying to someone "you're staying here and you're going to heal whether you like it or not!" I just don't get why there is so much sympathy for this guy! (Yeah, Friday is defending the actions of an abuser, you can't paint it any other way.)

 

[Friday]

@FridayJones ,
You have OBVIOUSLY never had the cops called on you, been prevented from leaving under your own free will, etc. Because, if you had, you would NEVER advocate this behavior as being helpful and therefore defend it.

Solara... I have been imprisoned, raped, & tortured for several months straight.

I dated one man who shoved a shotgun down my throat, and married another man who made that guy look sane.

I had the cops called on me last week. Hardly the first time. I have a bit of a peculiar relationship with LEOs... As they've been friends/colleagues, neutral, & outright enemies, My first rape experience was with 3 cops, and working in countries in conflict, half the time the police are more dangerous than the cartels & resistance combined.

I've seen good people do terrible things... With the best of intentions... More times than I can count. I've seen good people make mistakes and end up in over their heads even more often.

People can experience things, and come to different conclusions.

As I said above, I have no idea whether her husband was attempting to help or not. He absolutely may be abusive. He may also not be. It's not quite that black and white. Like if I'm restraining my friend from beating the crap outta some guy at the bar? Yes. Technically I could be charged with illegal imprisonment/ etc. Ditto when I take the keys, and refuse them access to their car. What changes, are not the acts, but the context of the acts. When you're restraining someone from hurting themselves, or someone else? The law tends to take a more realistic Good Samaritan view of it.

 

[Fadeaway]

First of all I want to clarify that in this instance there was no rape involved. I use the term brutality because my husband who is the son of a retired police officer keeps using that term to describe the physical force used against me because I was hysterical at that point. I figured since he was raised around police he had a pretty good idea of what was considered brutality or not. I would have just used the term physical assault had he not used the word brutality.

All I can say is that my husbands claims are along what @FridayJones has said. Based on what he has said, and the remorse he has shown, I do believe that in his heart he thought he was trying to help. I believe him when he says he believed he was trying to do what he thought was right. It isn't like I can say he didn't have a legitimate reason to fear that I might try to hurt myself because of my past history, but at the same time, I was trying to get away so I wasn't in that sort of place.

That said, like @Solara has said I feel that what he did was abusive. The intentions behind it don't change that. I have been in a very abusive relationship with a psychopath so I know that this is different in theory, but the effects are the same. My husband and I are very much at odds over this right now. He is quick to call what other people have done to me abuse, but I can't see a real difference right now.

All I know is that it has left me confused, insecure and unable to trust him. And because of multiple other factors going on, I can't cope with day to day living right now. My pets are receiving the basic minimum of care and I am not really taking care of myself at all.

 

[Fadeaway]

I can't do it anymore. Anxiety attacks and flashbacks are not the time to bring up stuff to upset me. How do I make him stop? I don't have any where to go. I can't get any f*cking help in this f*cking town.

I am so sick of him acing like i can turn it off like a switch. I am so sick of him thinking I have control over the screaming. IT IS AN INVOLUNTARY REACTION. My brain id f*cking divided into to, one that knows better and the other half that doesn't.

 

[Friday]

He needs to leave. If he won't... You take the card, or cash, and go to a hotel.

If you can't drive you call a cab.

Sort out a less expensive option after a day or two of sleeping, calm down, & reality check.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have less than $5 until the 3rd. in a city where I don't know a single soul. That makes things all the more worse and makes me more scared because i have no resources or options.

I know what I need but I don't know how to make it work. If we were even in a house instead of OMG why won't he styop,. why, make him stop pleas emake himstop please.

 

[digger]

Whatever his intentions, if you have asked him repeatedly to stop what he is doing and he won't, if you've told him repeatedly, when calm, that you know how to manage your symptoms yourself, and he continues to deliberately prevent you doing so, to me that sounds like it has crossed the line into abuse.

Your last couple of posts on this thread sound pretty desperate. Have you tried phoning a domestic abuse helpline? I know you were turned away from the shelter, but I imagine that's because you turned up there without referral - did they give you any advice though or numbers to call for help?

 

[Fadeaway]

What am I doing wrong the domestic violence hotline said to call back because I am not safe, I told them I never said i wasn't physically safe I just needed him to stop the verbal onslaught and they hung up on me.