Not Sure What To Do

[Scared for now]

I've been on xanax for anxiety and tramadol for 6 years. Both perceived by my Prinary Care Doctor.
A year ago I entered therapy for childhood abuse and also started seeing a Psychiatrist to monitor my Xanax. He diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and PTSD after speaking my with my Therapist.
I have been wanting to get off the Tamadol. It really does nothing for the pain. I should mention that during this time my gallbladder was removed and pain has increased along with gastrointestinal problems. It isveryhardfor me to taper off the Tramadol. I take 50 mg. 3x a day. It's taken me 3 months to taper down to two. Therapy has become intense,as I've finally excepted what happened to me and now flashbacks are more linier.
Now for the last month, I've been experiencing paranoia and even drastic mood swings. I'm afraid I will never get through. I see a pain management group this week. I'm depressed and scared. I direct my abusive tantrums towards my husband, who doesn't deserve it. My psychiatrist doesn't want to up the Xanax, which is the only thing that really helps and wants me off the Tramadol. I want off the Tramadol. The paranoia is very isolating and I'm worried that I'm going to be put away.
I

 

[ManagerWife]

I've been on xanax for anxiety and tramadol for 6 years. Both perceived by my Prinary Care Docto...

Hi @Scared for now

I too suffered childhood abuse. I've battled anxiety my whole life. I understand the struggle.

I want to share with you my journey with medication especially Xanax. I built a tolerance to it rather quickly and it became less and less effective which led me to think I needed more and more. My mood swings were unmanageable. I had terrible fits of rage, yelling, screaming even. My psychiatrist's answer was to switch me to Klonopin, another benzodiazepine (stronger then Xanax) and he added Paxil. I too thought my fits of rage were a result of talking about my childhood. The new drug combo I was on turned me into a zombie. I demanded off the Paxil, the side effects were too severe and I simply could not function on Klonopin. I was in a cloud. I tapered off the Paxil and was put on Celexa. I wanted my Xanax back. My psychiatrist said no. Sooooo I went to my GP to plead my case. He explained to me the side effects of Xanax and just about any benzodiazepine can be severe mood swings and irritability which can certainly lead to fits of rage!
He explained that in his opinion benzos should never be a long term daily use solution and that they are best on an as needed basis. However they are highly addictive so he felt in my case I needed to focus more on talk therapy and actual exercise. He did prescribe me Valium (another benzodiazepine) as a crutch to have when I would hit panic. I eventually weened off Celexa and was in the gym 5 days a week. Then chaos hit! Personal turmoil, a sudden death of a family member. I couldn't deal. I ran back to my GP. This time I got my Xanex back! Plus he put me on a new drug, Lexapro. Within a week I felt calmer on the Lexapro BUT I was abusing the Xanex. I hadn't had it in years but my tolerance was still high. I was popping three 2 mg bars at a time and started to doctor hop to get more! (12 years ago one could pull off such a task). My mood swings and rage were back big-time. Back to my GP I went who once again warned me about the benzos! I finally got it. The benzos were a happy high that I loved falling asleep with but the side effects were out weighing any good. I quit all benzos (that withdrawal SUCKED!) and honestly I smoked pot to come off Xanax. It calmed me, lulled me to sleep and had relatively no side effects, well except making me want to eat a bag of Cheetos! I stayed on Lexapro and my mood swings were gone. I left the benzo train and eventually I weened of Lexapro.

Fast forward 10 years, life gets intense and my anxiety returns. I got back on Lexapro and again with a week or so I feel better. However, I hit a situation that gave me a full on panic attacks. I still had an old pill bottle with a couple of my friends left in it, Xanax. Yay! Sure I welcomed the happy lull of calm it produced but holy cow, the next day I was psycho! Irritable and lost my temper at my husband... as in level 10 RAGE! Yep my journey with Xanex is over. I am now off everything. I still deal with anxiety but meditate more and honestly smoke pot as needed.

I am not suggesting you go smoke pot... I just wanted to share with you my journey with Xanax and managing my anxiety. I do suggest Lexapro because of the great experience I had with it and how relatively easy it is to wean off it.

I wish you peace, light and strength and strength on your journey.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

First, I'd like to welcome you both to the forum. I'm glad you found us!

I wish I had some really awesome advice that would fix you up quick. My psychiatrist and I have been trying different combinations of meds for the last five years or so. Nothing works well, and nothing works for long. I don't smoke weed, but I'm beginning to feel like that might be a better option than the cocktail I'm on right now.

It's true, exercise is a great way to burn off nervous energy. Also, more than anything else, I've found that connecting to fellow members here has saved my sanity. We're here for you, and we will support you as best we can.

 

[Snowflakes]

My sufferer, under the guidance of a great psychiatrist, is still trying to find the right combination of meds to calm her CPTSD and Anxiety with the ultimate goal of reducing the meds. @ManagerWife is correct about the Xanax and benzo's in general. Benzo hell is the worse place to be and a hard place to get out of. My sufferer has taken them all and is still on one.

Like you @Scared for now her psych doctor wants to pull her off the benzo but can't at the moment. He is trying to add Lithium to the mix. Her meds, chronic pain, and C-PTSD is very similar to yours so I understand what you're going through.

As @Mal Content writes.....we're here for you and we will support you as best we can.