Not Sure Where To Start

[fishermanok]

Hello everyone. I would just like to tell you why I am here.

A few years ago, when I lived in Kansas, I went fishing one day on the river. As I was walking to the spot I usually went to, I met two young men. They were wading in the shallow water just on the edge. We stopped and visited for awhile, they told me good luck, and I told them to be careful. As I walked on down the shore I heard one of them yelling. I turned around and seen one of the boys had been knocked down by the current and was trying to get up by grabbing the other one. He couldn't do it and he almost pulled his friend down. I yelled at the boy still standing to come towards me. In the meantime his friend was swept down the river. I jumped in and swam to him and tried to get him out but he kept pulling me down. All I could think about was my wife and kids and that i couldn't save him. I finally had to kick him away to save myself. He didn't make it out and drowned.

I feel like it's all my fault because I couldn't help him and I've lived with that guilt for 8 years now. I don't like to fish that much anymore. Use to go all the time. Is what I am experiencing PTSD?

 

[anthony]

Hi Fisher, welcome to the forum mate. Is it PTSD? Nothing jumps out at me from what you have stated, however; what did jump out at me is that what you experienced was certainly traumatising enough for PTSD to develop. Guilt absolutely can stem into PTSD if untreated. You avoid fishing... I would say you certainly have some mild aspects often related to post traumatic stress, though I think you could also do yourself a lot of good by facing up to your fears and return to the fishing spot, even go fishing.

You need to think about this logically, and I do know and understand about guilt as a veteran myself, just so you know this is experience talking. Facing your fears can give you an incredible amount of relief afterwards. At the moment your fear is controlling you, and that is dangerous for your future mental health, if not the damage already done. What you did is exactly the same as what life savers are trained to do, being to know when to let go if the person you are trying to save is simply going to kill you also. Life savers are even trained to try and knock them out if possible, so they stop struggling from panic. If they can't and face being pulled down with them, then they must let go. One life lost is better than two lives lost. That is the realism of the situation. Knowing you did your best to try and save the person is what you need to concentrate on, opposed to the negative aspects. The facts are that you did everything you could have known to do at that time. What you know now vs. then, not a comparison. Concentrate on then, not the what ifs and such.