Not Talking About Trauma

[Lost in the Woods]

I am wondering if this is common. I never talked to anyone about the abuse in my childhood. It wasn’t that I was hiding it, the thought of talking about it never really dawned on me. When My wife and I first started living apart and my whole world went into hyper dysregulation an old friend came to visit me in Bisbee. I told him I had PTSD and he asked from what. So I told him about my childhood. He has been my closest friend for over 50 years and he had no idea. I was surprised I had not told him either. And then I realized that the thought of talking about it never happened.

A couple months ago a mutual friend who we have known over 50 years confided with my friend that he is now blind in one eye due to beating he endured from his mother. In childhood he actually completely lost his vision from a beating and it didn’t come back for months. Now that he is getting older the old damage has now caused the loss of vision in one eye. He also said he has been passing a little blood since he was a child due to a beating.

The three of us have been close friends all these years and neither Dan or I ever said a word about it. Dan is the kind of guy that just blurts out whatever he is thinking. He is a bit crazy but in a nice way. He was the high school LSD dealer and later he was a punk rock star. I can’t imagine him censoring anything so I am wondering if he is like me and the thought of talking about that stuff never arose. It isn’t a matter of intentionally hiding it.

So I am wondering if others have had similar experiences.

 

[SjMel]

I am wondering if this is common. I never talked to anyone about the abuse in my childhood. It wasn’t that I was hiding it, the thought of talking about it never really dawned on me. When My wife and I first started living apart and my whole world went into hyper dysregulation an old friend came to visit me in Bisbee. I told him I had PTSD and he asked from what. So I told him about my childhood. He has been my closest friend for over 50 years and he had no idea. I was surprised I had not told him either. And then I realized that the thought of talking about it never happened.

A couple months ago a mutual friend who we have known over 50 years confided with my friend that he is now blind in one eye due to beating he endured from his mother. In childhood he actually completely lost his vision from a beating and it didn’t come back for months. Now that he is getting older the old damage has now caused the loss of vision in one eye. He also said he has been passing a little blood since he was a child due to a beating.

The three of us have been close friends all these years and neither Dan or I ever said a word about it. Dan is the kind of guy that just blurts out whatever he is thinking. He is a bit crazy but in a nice way. He was the high school LSD dealer and later he was a punk rock star. I can’t imagine him censoring anything so I am wondering if he is like me and the thought of talking about that stuff never arose. It isn’t a matter of intentionally hiding it.

So I am wondering if others have had similar experiences.

It is very common to not talk about childhood trauma. Men especially have a tendency to not talk about it. Not until life circumstances make it necessary to reach out. Such life experiences like the loss of a significant person, the ending of a marriage, out of control life that came about because of addiction, the loss of a job and inability to provide for their family...such life defining moments sometimes is what it takes to talk about childhood trauma when such childhood trauma has led to coping mechanisms that no longer serve it's purpose.

 

[amicableDog6980]

Also if a person thinks what they experienced is normal not abuse then why would they bring it up? Thats mainly what happened for me and the what happens at home stays at home mentality - I got in trouble for attempting to ask for help outside of the family as a child.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I kind of get that. It feels a little like if I don’t say it,it doesn’t exist.

 

[arfie]

i take not talking about trauma as part of the human condition with lots and lots of room to argue nature vs. nurture. among the children i have cared for, it seems to run about 50-50. about half seem to forget as soon as the blood stops flowing. the other half obsess over the trauma and eventually get shushed in hopes of getting them to focus on another topic.

It feels a little like if I don’t say it,it doesn’t exist.

i followed this feeling into full trauma induced amnesia. over the course of my recovery, i grew convinced that the stuff i don't acknowledge the existence of was the stuff which controlled me the most. i don't remember learning how to walk, but the lessons exert themselves as naturally as finding my way to the fridge. i remain one of those people who seem to forget as soon as the blood stops flowing, but i learned the hard way to nudge myself past the feeling. it be a feeling, not a fact. that particular feeling has led me to some very messy places.

 

[amicableDog6980]

I kind of get that. It feels a little like if I don’t say it,it doesn’t exist.

I have had that temptation before. If I don't address this issue, if I pretend I didn't realise it was physical abuse I won't have to deal with the implications and potentially loose my friendship with my mom who I reccently reconciled with.
Yesterday counsellor asked if I wanted to stay stuck. My answer is a definitive NO!! So well then I can't pretend I don't know.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I’m in the same boat, too late to hide. I just have to go through it as unpleasant as that is at times. It is a bit of a leap of faith that it will all be worth it, only time will tell.

 

[Anne-Ana Mouse]

I am wondering if this is common. I never talked to anyone about the abuse in my childhood. It wasn’t that I was hiding it, the thought of talking about it never really dawned on me. When My wife and I first started living apart and my whole world went into hyper dysregulation an old friend came to visit me in Bisbee. I told him I had PTSD and he asked from what. So I told him about my childhood. He has been my closest friend for over 50 years and he had no idea. I was surprised I had not told him either. And then I realized that the thought of talking about it never happened.

A couple months ago a mutual friend who we have known over 50 years confided with my friend that he is now blind in one eye due to beating he endured from his mother. In childhood he actually completely lost his vision from a beating and it didn’t come back for months. Now that he is getting older the old damage has now caused the loss of vision in one eye. He also said he has been passing a little blood since he was a child due to a beating.

The three of us have been close friends all these years and neither Dan or I ever said a word about it. Dan is the kind of guy that just blurts out whatever he is thinking. He is a bit crazy but in a nice way. He was the high school LSD dealer and later he was a punk rock star. I can’t imagine him censoring anything so I am wondering if he is like me and the thought of talking about that stuff never arose. It isn’t a matter of intentionally hiding it.

So I am wondering if others have had similar experiences.

I like the latest PTSD research that shows the differences between men and women processing trauma. Women talking about it re-traumatizes us so it’s best to focus on our present and our strengths, while men don’t really heal until they can talk about it. I’m not surprised by your account at all. I believe most men don’t speak of such things for various reasons until much time has past. When they do talk about it they seem relieved but not until the right time.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

For me it has been a flood. Before the PTSD diagnosis I rarely thought about any of it except to falsely tell myself I came through all that crap unscathed. Look how wrong you can be.

 

[amicableDog6980]

For me it has been a flood. Before the PTSD diagnosis I rarely thought about any of it except to falsely tell myself I came through all that crap unscathed. Look how wrong you can be.

Did you ever suspect you had PTSD before or was it a surprise? I'm going to ask to be referred to a psychologist to get tested. I'm kinda terrified to get a label but on the other hand it could be helpful...

 

[Lost in the Woods]

No I never suspected it. I have a neurological condition and for the last 24 years all my symptoms were attributed to that. A couple of years ago I had a freeze followed by intense adrenalin rush. That made me think panic attack which would be good since a psychological problem is easier to work on than a rotting brain. After all those years a therapist at my health care clinic spotted it and tested me. The great news is my neuro condition may actually be very mild and all the stuff that was ruining my life was actually PTSD.

 

[Anne-Ana Mouse]

Did you ever suspect you had PTSD before or was it a surprise? I'm going to ask to be referred to a psychologist to get tested. I'm kinda terrified to get a label but on the other hand it could be helpful...

You might feel more at ease to do an online assessment, they are pretty painless and straightforward. It may help you to get a sense of the symptoms and some ways to cope or strategies to deal with them. When you do get to the Psychologist, you’ll have a better understanding of what to expect and it may help to have a better conversation about your experience. If you have time to try any of the coping strategies if you learn about them, you’ll also be able to help Doctor by sharing what works or doesn’t. Cheers!