Other Noticing psychosis - when do i step in?

[Swift]

Hey all,

I'm just wondering, as a person who hasn't experienced psychosis, when do I need to arrange help for a person who I think is experiencing psychosis? How can I do that in the most respectful way to the person? Basically, as a mate (friend) who knows not much, what should I be aware of?

For some background: I live in a smallish city with a small queer community. (I'm queer, said person is queer, everyone knows everyone etc). I dated J for a year. We broke up, it was a break-up, not because of abuse on her part or mine, just a breakup.

Now, she's back in town. She has bipolar, and occasionally gets floridly psychotic. It develops slowly - to people who've just met her, it seems like it's reasonable. I sent her a text that said "hey j, dunno if this is still your number. Heard you're back in town, would be nice to catch up if you'd like to. Cheers, Swift."

Basically, "this is a small circle we move in, if I run into you we're all good, no need for any guilt or bullshit, we're cool"...

We broke up five years ago. When we were doing the dating dance, she was like, hey, sometimes I get like this, and here's signs that I'm psychotic rather than upset.


So, I've heard from my best mate that she's displaying these signs. Thinking she's running from the cops because they want to section her, and being worried she'll be disappeared (killed, body never found) if she engages with the hospital system. This is actually not a risk in my country.

So, what do I do? I don't want to overstep, if she doesn't want me to contact her I won't do that, obvs, but should I contact her supporters and be like "hey, J seems like she's showing signs of unwellness that she warned me about?"

 

[Mach123]

IDK! This is a hard one. You can't do anything with people. I was so bad on pills at my last job I could easily say "they should have done something about me." How would I have reacted? I would've said "I'm fine." You can't help people who don't want help. It strictly a volunteer thing. On the other had, if you think a person is a 'threat to themselves or others," you may feel a moral "duty" (I don't know how else to call that) to step in. IDK!? I wish you well and hope for a good result. : ( (they did step in at the end and I left, which I regret because I should've gone to employee assistance)

 

[ILoveLife]

Unfortunately if she's already running from the cops there are few options. Reasoning won't do, only in rare circumstances. You can try though, but you risk her losing her trust in you.
You can snitch. Not involve your self much, just bring her near you with the proper authorities notified. (This is what my family did)
You can drop her at the hospital yourself, if that works in your country and there isn't major beaurocracy. You will need help from other friends for this.
If anyone else thinks of anything else, I hope they mention it.

Sorry. You should only step in if you feel comfortable doing so. If not, you can let it run its course, but well, you know.. There are dangers for her if everyone does that.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I've heard it's good to speak to the person early, when they are only "half" in psychosis and can still semi-recognise the symptoms as such. She has obviously described them to you before, so is at least semi-aware of them? I would say that's worth a try. If she's unresponsive, you can let it go until it gets more serious/ a different kind of action needs to be taken by others?

 

[grit]

IMHO, humble opinion nothing is worse than being psychotic and peope you have not seen or heard or was with being in your life. That just enhances any confusion, delusion and paranoia.
Your heart is in the right place but your intentions are wrong. I am sorry.

The best you can do for her is to visit her in the hospital or jail when she lands there. Please do not involve others in her business. Anyone who is close to her knows about this by now. If you truly care about her, visit her when she is down and out in jail or hospital. That would mean a lot to her than all these preemptive help and contacts.

My two pieces.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Swift, can you ask your T or pdoc? When do you see them next?

 

[EveHarrington]

The sooner you step in the better.

Medications can cut off psychosis before it goes full blown.

When psychosis is full blown, the person is unsafe and at a higher risk for harm and death.

Don’t be worried about losing the friendship. Really, it boils down to either wanting to preserve the friendship or preserve her life. If you are tip toeing to preserve the friendship, that’s really no friendship at all. A true friend will thank you later for stepping in and possibly saving her life.

 

[ILoveLife]

A true friend will thank you later for stepping in and possibly saving her life.

This!

 

[Nessa7]

If you are still close to her supporters, I don't think it would inappropriate to bring up your concerns to them. Having been in the supporter position and also being in the position to have had to have a lot of conversations about the mental health of other people, it can be very helpful having someone validate that the things you are noticing are real and a cause for concern. Helping someone get help often starts with comparing notes because everyone notices different things. I do think that it would be very difficult for you to take more direct action, espescially since you aren't already in contact with her and haven't seen these things yourself.

 

[Swift]

Thanks for all the replies, guys.

IMHO, humble opinion nothing is worse than being psychotic and peope you have not seen or heard or was with being in your life.

Yeah this bothers me too - "everyone's talking about your paranoia!" - seems like a terrible thing to do to someone suffering paranoia.

I will ask my T when I see her.

I should add her mum is a psych nurse, lovely, very competent and very supportive.
J doesn't seem to want to be in contact with me, but is sending my best mate things to send to me, I'm uncomfortable with her making him play the middle man and so is he. She doesn't have great boundaries, which is worse when she's unwell.

My best mate is keeping an eye on the situation. I don't use social media for Reasons, so I can't do that myself. He knows I have her mum's number, so if he sees anything particularly worrisome, eg a suicidal or delusional post, he can let me know and I can let her mum know. She is very likely to post.

She also has support workers, and lives with her mum and step-dad who are both pretty great.

So, I've got to ask myself if I'm wanting to step in because it actually needs doing, or if I'd just be satisfying my own emotional impulse to help her. I think it's the latter. There are plenty of people in the community who, if she were demonstrably unwell, would take her to hospital and/or inform her supporters.

So I'll take a wait-and-see approach for now. She has my number, so if she wants my help she can ask for it and I'll gladly give it.

I would act differently if she were completely unsupported - I'd drive over there right now and take her to a hospital, friendship be damned, her life and safety are more important.

But - I trust the people in her life to a) have their priorities straight and b) have a good read on the situation, so I think I should just keep my rescuing impulse out of her business, because I might do her more harm than good.

 

[Freida]

I would act differently if she were completely unsupported - I'd drive over there right now and take her to a hospital, friendship be damned, her life and safety are more important.

This! ^^^^

 

[grit]

I only shared my experience of psychosis. I honestly believe the reason people go psychotic (as we see in the movies and such) is because precisely they do not feel safe. I felt safe in psychosis and it is one of the best thing that happened to me in therapy. I could see my inner world much clearer and actually honestly recover in therapy much faster. My self structure just cracks and I stay with it and "feel" it not worry about others touching me or moving about or talking to me or about me. It is a deep sense of seeing the past in a way that seems real but obviously is not and also not only past but also inner workings...I could see my brain spliting, my memories clearer and realistic! it is weird feeling when in safe place.

I do have siblings that happened to them and they go out! full crazy. So this woman is suffering and you are care about her but if she is already in a stress situation, you cannot stop psychosis when it gets going. No one can except the person or a doctor. Actually by stopping will make her go faster imho. If my sister calls me and she is about to go to full psychosis, I tell her to go to the hospital. It is better than I can do for her.

I really hope she is OK and finds a safe place to recover.