Numb

[stuff]

Having a bad day. I fight with a sense of emotional numbness a lot of the time, but I at least managed to have a bit of enjoyment when it came to Halloween. It was the one childhood thing that never got squashed for me somehow, but I'm sitting here today, I've been to two parties and I have a Halloween bonfire to go to tonight, and I just can't care about any of it. The fact that I can't care about any of it is really hurting me. All I want to do is enjoy myself, but there's absolutely nothing there. Can't tell if this is because I had a relationship hiccup this weekend and I'm punishing myself or what. I just feel utterly void, and that makes me feel like garbage.

 

[kers]

The numbness is so painful, I know. I think it's really good that you are pushing yourself to go out nonetheless. Staying in the world and making contact with people is a good thing.

I hope tomorrow is better for you.

 

[LSNP]

I am sitting home alone, on Halloween, in the near dark. My daughter is with her father, whom I told today, once again, to F-Off.... we have been back together thirteen or more times in 2.5 years. He tells me to "move on," "date," "don't go dark." I'm thinking, "Quit coming back into my life, A$$HOLE."

I have not been invited to one event.

I have not had one call from anybody in ages.

I have shut everybody out of my life.

I am utterly alone for the first time ever.

So... yeah. I get it. Nobody likes to be around Debbie Downer. Hell, I can't even stand her.

 

[anni]

You did get some enjoyment out of Halloween this year, try not to be so hard on yourself, or expect too much. Perhaps your head is just telling you it needs some peace at the moment, you know? It will just make you frustrated to make yourself get out to these things when you just are not up to it. Halloween can be spent this year celebrating quietly, and it's just fine, albeit WITH copious chocolate.

Chocolate makes an awful lot better, and it's a little known fact that it has no calories on Halloween night. :)

 

[stuff]

Thanks Anni. I think I just feel like the last few things that I can get excited about are getting blotted out a lot lately. I couldn't even get the wherewithal to host my annual carving party. I took a lot of flack for it, but I just felt blank every time I tried to plan. I'm forcing myself to go to these things because I know if I just sit at home like I want to I will regret it. Maybe it is my head needing some peace. I've been a busy lady lately, maybe I need a breather.

 

[Tessa]

I know that numb feeling.I've had it for years...like part of you is permanently paralysed. When new traumas come it makes it worse.

Even though you cannot feel right now,know that you are not alone and we care.