Obessive Need To "fix"

[Justmehere]

I'm in a bad headspace and I could use any feedback to help me think through it and get out of it. I feel anxious by a problem and I feel DRIVEN to fix it. It's a situation where it's best for me to do nothing. But I still feel driven to solve it. I'm very wrapped up in it. My thoughts feel very obsessive in nature. I feel really stuck. I've been here before and it never helps if I try to fix anything hen I feel like this. I can't seem to figure out how to pull myself out of this. It's baffling.

 

[franciemarnie]

I totally identify. For me, it usually happens when I am in pain and/or in a state of hyper vigilance.

Something must be fixed and it must be fixed now! I can think of nothing else. I feel a little insane even, but the feeling is so real and urgent, it's nearly impossible to ignore or let alone. It wipes everything else out of consciousness.

Again, speaking only of my reality because I never want to tell anyone theirs, it's completely tied to my PTSD condition and is not reflective of actual reality.

In reality, there might be a situation I would like to see go in a different direction. If I were not in fight or flight intensity, I would have perspective and could make an intelligent decision , but there is no perspective when I am obsessed.

Getting out of it is tough! Doing an honest self assessment of where I am at PTSD-wise helps. Then a still, small voice says, Wait until perspective and rational thinking returns. In the meantime, do what can give perspective. Get the insane laser focus off. Sometimes an intense work out helps me or talking with someone or doing something that gets me out of myself. My favorite novel is good to reread.

If you can step back maybe it would help, but I don't know what would work for you to pull you out. What has the power?

 

[Suzetig]

I could have written your post this morning. I'm obsessing to the point I can't focus on things I actually need to do. I know the situation won't be helped by me jumping in but I really really want to. And then I'd just obsess about what would happen next.

 

[Friday]

Action kills fear. I hate waiting. Very, very bad at it.

 

[hailstorm]

@Justmehere I get you on this. Some things that have helped me get out of a cycle of obsession are:
Positive self talk - forcing myself to list only the benefits of NOT doing what my obsession wants me to do. Don't allow any thoughts to take hold that will feed my obsession. This is really difficult but will usually keep my mind occupied long enough to curb some of the nagging feelings of needing to do something that is not good for me. *repeat this process as often as necessary*
Deep breathing - *doing this correctly* a lot of times we think that we can just take
some deep breaths and we'll be fine, but we don't always do it correctly. To stop the sympathetic nervous system excitability we have to turn on the feed back system (it's apposite) When we are stressed we tend to breath very shallow and from the chest causing our brain to think that some thing is wrong so it over compensates and we breat even faster. Stop this cycle by closing your eyes and concentrating on taking deep breaths filling your lungs to capacity. Put your hands on your abdomen and make sure it rises with each breath. Keep concentrating. Do this until you start to feel a calm come over you. When this happens you have effectively stopped the excitement of your sympathetic nervous system. Then it is much easier to think rationally and calmly.
I have been able to stop a panic attack with this.

 

[RussH]

@Justmehere I will sometimes get caught into similar situations, where there is something that I need to fix, or at least, I think I need to fix it. And I think for me it comes from the need to feel significant. The need to feel like I have value. If I can just fix this problem, then that shows value.
Another thing I will do is make other people's problems, my problem, and that is not healthy for me.

So in both of the situations I have to step back and realize that:
My self worth, or value, or signifiance does not come from, nor is it dependent on my being able to fix this problem,
Other people's problems are their problems. They do not need me to step in and fix them. If they ask for help, that is one thing, but to just jump in to fix it, is not good for me, or them.

 

[blindcansee]

sometimes I feel terror and I feel the need to stop the perceived danger. I'm slowly learning to force myself to do the grounding exercises, to do breathing exercises, and to take myself mentally to a safe place.

my EMDR therapist told me I may feel like I am in danger, but the truth is that I am not.

 

[Tanishq]

Somewhere on internet I read and thought it could be helpful.
'You don't need to be fixed to go ahead'

Does this relieve you? You could use this as an affirmation.

 

[scout86]

It sounds like you already understand that the best thing to do with the situation is "nothing". Then I'd suggestion finding distractions until the urge to "fix" what ever it is passes. What ever is a good distraction for you. Some things you enjoy, are positive, and require your undivided attention.

I use that method a lot, Usually there's some kind of project I've been postponing that I can get involved with as a diversion. Eventually those unproductive urges seem to pass.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice. I can't type much right now. I'm pacing to get myself to not fix things... I'm so anxious. It's almost like this fixing things is a drug...

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist thinks this "caretaker" "get stuff done" part of me (not a separate personality) is good to have, but not all the time. I don't know if she fully understands yet just how obessive this is...

She did say it would get worse before it gets better. She says the more I can just let it get worse and not act, the sooner I will build new pathways in my brain to make this easier.

We talk about my "inner warrior girl." The me that wants justice and problems solved. She said there are two kinds of mercy. One kind of person who sees injured people floating down a river, and pulls them out and tends to their wound. She says there is a rarer person who shows mercy by going up the river I stop whatever is injuring people on the first place. She says I'm that person sometimes. Like now. I want to go get justice for a dumb situation that I already know I need to not get tangled up in. It's not my battle to fight. It's unjust, hurt people I love, but I gotta let others take it on... But I want to fix it. So bad.

I think "warrior girl" is pretty much the same thing as this compulsive fixing.

My therapist says to talk to myself, to talk to warrior girl, like she is a passionate teenager who needs respect and guidance. I can't find the words. At all. I work with teenagers but this is so hard. I honestly have to work so hard to not tell myself abusive things about this.

I'm re-reading everyones words to me and my inner warrior girl is calming down.

 

[Justmehere]

Ugh. I just gave in and binged on a bag of potato chips. Not stuff I would even normally eat. It didn't even make me feel better! I am so anxious.