Oh My God Flashback And Shitty Reaction

[IrisL]

I just no clue how - attacked with bulls*"t from no reason my boyfriend - proper ouch - no explanation
And even I got to the point when I said put things and just after a few minutes realised what I'm saying is the feel and thoughts what I had when I was 11 years old. And between few minutes I jumped and lived around 4 years ... He just talked did nothing, because he has the right to talk.
When o said to him I want to go under the table his answer was just go... And when my answer was that's not right because the things what I said and now what I want to do is all happened when I was 11 and so wanted to tell him to is happened and my mum try to grab me out from the table and my abusers stepdad just stood there and got proper panic...
Now he attacked me to who the hell I'm texting, because previously attacked him to who he texting.
And when I told to him I'm writing to the forum -and after when I finish if you want you can know it...his answer was I do not give a sh•t....
And
Still quite shaking and no clue what's triggered it... Did I triggered myself? Is that possible?? And what the hell can do with that - I'm still scared but I'm no im not there

And I'm list of no clue what.

 

[IrisL]

After a while I felt something like I will fall down - asked him to please hold me -" hold yourself" was the answer ... His view point "what you expect if you treat me sh"" then I will treat you well"
He is again thinks that's some act... ???

And I didn't need it anything else to stop it, to he hug me... :'(
How I can show to him how much he means???? How much he can do ? I know he don't... Or I don't know ... I understand nothing...
Really lost with everything - and who can calm me down is just rejects me... And tells me I will know who he is when I'm not here...