FullOfExtremes
New Here
Hi,
I'm not sure where to start start but here goes...
I am currently signed off work with stress, i know this isn't a stress forum but please bear with me.
I was molested/abused as a child by a neighbour for a number of years, and recently been confident enough to tell my closest longest friends (no family members). I also have an alcoholic mother.
I grew up being responsible for two younger sisters, i learned to cook and clean while stood on dining room chairs as i couldn't reach. I moved bottles and glasses so when mum fell asleep on the sofa she wouldn't injure herself. Taking her to hospital when she did.
I helped my sisters with homework, forging my mums signature, attended parents evenings from age 12 so people could see my sisters had some support at home, often stayed up late to greet dad when he came home from work so he had someone to talk to.
In high school a boy in my class used to harass me at school, pin me against a desk and try to access my early developed chest.
During my second year at uni, my dad had an affair and left the family home, three months later me, mum and sisters were 'homeless' housed in a b&b at first and then a domestic violence hostel. A teacher who worked for amnesty international saw the accommodation on offer and said we could stay with her and her husband but she only had room for two so i said my sisters should stay, as they were younger and i wanted them to have a stable environment. So me and my mum stayed at the hostel and my sisters stayed on weekends for 4 months. I began having blackouts where i would just collapse.
Since then i achieved a diploma at uni, got a full time job as a events programmer, which i enjoyed as is combined computers and music.
Recently my mum and sister were evicted from their current home (i moved into my one bed flat 4 yrs ago, mum had a seizure type thing which i witnessed and consequently suffered a massive asthma attack) So i moved into my lounge so my sister could move in with me, she has since been diagnosed with depression and we are having communication issues which i am trying to resolve.
As i said first i am currently signed off work with stress from feeling undervalued at work and the situation at home, suffering breathlessness which i am slowly gaining control of. I'm not in crisis or panic, i subconsciously hyperventilate and don't realise until i feel dizzy
For the first time in my life i'm considering telling my gp all this and finding out whether this is the root of my current stress reaction. Or whether i should do what i always do, dig deep and keep going.
I have been reading alot to try and help myself without having to disclose this to the doc or work. I believe i do suffer from hyper vigilance (i have startled so often in non threatening situations) I have often woke myself up screaming, and generally have trouble sleeping, phases where i am awake for upto 72hrs or sleeping for 14+ hrs. I also have times where i am hyper and talk so fast people don't understand what i've said.
The reason i am posting here is that i know myself i have trust issues, i do find i trust people with experience of what i've been through as friends often don't and can't relate, and this seemed the best forum. I struggle to communicate verbally hence posting here and i'm worried that things have finally began to affect me that i cannot do my job.
I realise writing this i do need to tell my doc, and hopefully get a referral, from reading a few posts here i don't feel as alone in the world.
Thank you for taking the time to read this i realise this is a long post.
I'm not sure where to start start but here goes...
I am currently signed off work with stress, i know this isn't a stress forum but please bear with me.
I was molested/abused as a child by a neighbour for a number of years, and recently been confident enough to tell my closest longest friends (no family members). I also have an alcoholic mother.
I grew up being responsible for two younger sisters, i learned to cook and clean while stood on dining room chairs as i couldn't reach. I moved bottles and glasses so when mum fell asleep on the sofa she wouldn't injure herself. Taking her to hospital when she did.
I helped my sisters with homework, forging my mums signature, attended parents evenings from age 12 so people could see my sisters had some support at home, often stayed up late to greet dad when he came home from work so he had someone to talk to.
In high school a boy in my class used to harass me at school, pin me against a desk and try to access my early developed chest.
During my second year at uni, my dad had an affair and left the family home, three months later me, mum and sisters were 'homeless' housed in a b&b at first and then a domestic violence hostel. A teacher who worked for amnesty international saw the accommodation on offer and said we could stay with her and her husband but she only had room for two so i said my sisters should stay, as they were younger and i wanted them to have a stable environment. So me and my mum stayed at the hostel and my sisters stayed on weekends for 4 months. I began having blackouts where i would just collapse.
Since then i achieved a diploma at uni, got a full time job as a events programmer, which i enjoyed as is combined computers and music.
Recently my mum and sister were evicted from their current home (i moved into my one bed flat 4 yrs ago, mum had a seizure type thing which i witnessed and consequently suffered a massive asthma attack) So i moved into my lounge so my sister could move in with me, she has since been diagnosed with depression and we are having communication issues which i am trying to resolve.
As i said first i am currently signed off work with stress from feeling undervalued at work and the situation at home, suffering breathlessness which i am slowly gaining control of. I'm not in crisis or panic, i subconsciously hyperventilate and don't realise until i feel dizzy
For the first time in my life i'm considering telling my gp all this and finding out whether this is the root of my current stress reaction. Or whether i should do what i always do, dig deep and keep going.
I have been reading alot to try and help myself without having to disclose this to the doc or work. I believe i do suffer from hyper vigilance (i have startled so often in non threatening situations) I have often woke myself up screaming, and generally have trouble sleeping, phases where i am awake for upto 72hrs or sleeping for 14+ hrs. I also have times where i am hyper and talk so fast people don't understand what i've said.
The reason i am posting here is that i know myself i have trust issues, i do find i trust people with experience of what i've been through as friends often don't and can't relate, and this seemed the best forum. I struggle to communicate verbally hence posting here and i'm worried that things have finally began to affect me that i cannot do my job.
I realise writing this i do need to tell my doc, and hopefully get a referral, from reading a few posts here i don't feel as alone in the world.
Thank you for taking the time to read this i realise this is a long post.
