Old Caretaker

[Wolvescry]

When I was around three my mom use to take us to a distant aunts house to be babysat. It was my 5 year old brother and my 4 year old sister that were with me. Anyway this caretaker had three kids too. Two older girls and a son my age. She spanked us all, all the time, yelled and was just plain mean. Her son use to do bad things and blame my brother, and then she would beat him in front of us and call us liars when we tried to tell her it was not him. Then she would tell my mom we were bad kids.

Anyway, we did not have her as a babysitter too long. When I grew up I seen her at a family party. Everyone was pushing us to say hi to her. My brother and sister did it quickly and friendly and went on their way. I froze and looked so confused about it. I did not smile and just stared confused and said a quick hi. I had not seen her in a long time. I was looking into the face of a threat.

Well that party passed and years later I find out that the woman is disabled and having trouble finding a caretaker that is not abusive. She has been abused by multiple caretakers. I don't know why this is sticking with me. But I feel bad for her. In no way would I wish any person to go through abuse like I have, and even though I am not fond of her I feel for her.

I do not know what to do with these feelings behind it. I also think that a part of me is relieved that she may now understand how we felt, but at the same time I feel bad. What do I do? Does anyone else deal with this.

 

[Changing4Best]

First of all, there is an old saying that what goes around comes around. Another way it is described is Karma and still another is that people usually get what they put out or get what they deserve. There is never a time limit to these situations, it can come around back to a person on their death bed even, but it usually does come back to them one way or another.

That being said, the one thing I would not ever do if I were you is to offer to be that caregiver. I would not put myself into the position of looking at the face of a person who abused me. It would not be healthy for you. So I hope you were not thinking of doing that!

One thing you can do is to write a pretend letter to her stating your feelings about what was done to you. Imagine giving it to her and letting her read it. You might even want to tell the imaginary her in this letter that you bet she finally knows what it felt like to be in the shoes you wore as a child. And finally, you might want to tell her that you forgive her. Forgiving is something that is really done for you, not for her, you see. It relieves you of the bitterness about what was done to you and leaves the responsibility at her feet, not yours. Abusers so often try to place the blame on their victims, that we sometimes buy it and think it was our fault and that was why they abused us. No! That abused us because there was something wrong with them. They abused us because they were cruel. They didn't abuse us because we committed some unforgiveable sin! We were children, innocent, learning, open and curious. Children are noisy, active, and so on. Those are all things that drive the cruel to cruelty, unfortunately. Why? Because they have no love, no patience and no common sense!

 

[Wolvescry]

I think that is a really good idea, I will try writing a letter. And I get what your say about kids being innocent and learning.