On Being Fat

[eloc]

one of the mantras in the hypnosis was to say to yourself "not hungry thirsty" and grab water instead of food = drinking more water is one of the secrets of reducing

 

[DharmaGirl]

@VioletButterfly, I have taken self-defense courses to feel safe, and I have 2 mastiffs. I'm sure I'm old enough for men not to stare at me like they used to, at least I hope so. Meditation helps with all fear for me, and I haven't been keeping up with it. I wonder if there is a hypnosis tape like @eloc, suggested, but for feeling safe? I'm going to look for that. That would be the most beneficial for me, I think. I will also use a mantra about being safe.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I find it much more difficult to feel emotionally safe than physically safe.

I'm working on surface stuff right now to help myself feel more emotionally safe, like adding structure to my da0 such as having a small agenda of minimums that I try to do - i.e. putting entries into my health journal, writing in my regular journal, reading my devotional and prayer, toning/stretching/strengthening exercises, working on eating better and taking vitamins, adding a creative activity, music (always), etc... Practicing self-care that shows me that I care and am trying to provide a safe environment in my own company. I can't always control what memories pop into my mind, but I can be alert to their intrusion and speak to them. I also record these activities and acknowledge them, telling myself that I am worthy and showing myself that I can take care of myself. It's back to basics for me in this regard.

I think self-care pairs well with self-compassion when the memories or feelings surge. I tend to act out, so the compassion really helps pull me back from the edge a lot. Also being able to practice mindfulness instead of judgment when my first urge is to run to behaviors because of a core belief that I am not strong enough to manage emotions can be powerful. I always record these wins and honor them for what they are showing and telling me about myself that I need to know. It's like I have to find enough light to fend off the darkness of the lies I've been told about ourselves or the world. Sometimes a visualization, like a mantra, can be helpful. I use those quite frequently.

Don't know if any of this applies or can be of help to you, but am hoping as I know this is rough terrain. Sending a candle to light your way. Best to you. VB

 

[DharmaGirl]

@VioletButterfly, wow, that is some truly helpful stuff for feeling emotionally safe. I was only thinking of the physical side, but you are correct, the emotional side needs safety too. I do journal, and I have been upping my self-care. Thank you for your post, I'm going to read it again, and make notes on what I want to add to self care.

 

[joeylittle]

I don't know if this relates - I also have trouble managing food because doing positive things for myself - self care - is extremely uncomfortable. I have a strong automatic thought that I'm stupid for trying. I think this is the same reason I haven't found many self-soothing techniques that work for me. I get very uncomfortable.

Not sure how much of that is directly tied to trauma messages, and how much is just basic negative core beliefs.

I usually self motivate better (?) through being hard on myself. Only, that doesn't work so well anymore either. It's like I know enough to be super-aware that negative reinforcement is not very sustainable...but I don't yet know enough to be able to replace that self-critical voice with a self-supportive one.

It's really bugging me lately. And it plays out the most around food and eating.

 

[DharmaGirl]

@joeylittle, does that even happen when you do things you like? I love to garden, and it is part of my self-soothing, as well as taking care of my animals. I do it everyday, not to self-sooth so much as to enjoy myself. I do have my go to things for self soothing, but I find it is easier to make a habit out of several of them every day, then it doesn't seem like you are fighting to help yourself, it just seems normal.

I decided I will not try to diet or force myself to lose weight. The issues that people have brought up on this thread have really got me thinking of easing my emotional and physical fears, getting into healthy habits that will make me feel good (not food related) and now that I have been working so hard outside, my back hurts much less. I believe this is such a huge issue for women. When my son was 5, I was doing Weight Watchers and he asked me how many points he had left to eat. That's when I started thinking about the whole food as comfort issue. He didn't have a weight problem until after I became suicidal, and we found my brother's body. I had worked so hard after that to be well, and it worked, but if it means I'm going to carry weight the rest of my life, so be it.

 

[joeylittle]

does that even happen when you do things you like?

Because of anhedonia, yes. That wasn't the case when I was able to get some relief from things like knitting or playing with the cats. I lost my most therapeutic pursuits when I started gaining this weight. But the depression symptoms right now are really keeping me in a sort of foggy bubble. I can tell I would feel some happy something from my cats (as an example), but it's like everything is on the other side of a very thick wall.

Depression just makes things harder. (JL states the obvious)

 

[DharmaGirl]

Amen to that. I have lived there a long time, and just moved out not too long ago. Hopefully I won't need to visit much.