Thoughts and feelings of an Aspie.
mumstheword, I greatly sympathise with the long term pain you must have felt living around family members with Aspergers - in my experience the vast majority of Allistics have little to no understanding of the condition (not meaning to imply that you don't, it doesn't matter as it is still a trial whether you do, or not) and continually expect me to be able to respond typically to social cues and situations regardless of seemingly endless attempts to explain that I'm not wired the same way, that I may need clarification and a second go at it, if I am unable to correctly interpret the subtleties of normal social interaction.
I confess, without malice, that I became quite upset as I read the article, 'Stunning Example of Lack of Empathy' - to me, it read very much as extreme bias toward a different neurology.. I felt discriminated against by this author, walled into a false position from which this self supporting article brooks no escape.
Having read the whole thread, I thought it worth mentioning that, if Allistics find such a situation emotionally draining (and I don't doubt that they do), then what must it be like for the lone Aspie, surrounded by, and constantly having to interact with, people he/she wants desperately to relate to, but who will not reciprocate (I don't mean that as a blanket statement as I have, on rare occasion, met Allistics willing to make the effort).
For me, every day I step outside my door, every encounter I have, is an event fraught with terror, the expectation of rejection by yet another member of your race, of which I am nominally a member by dint of genetics, but which shuns me and forces me into perpetual isolation. My diagnoses of anxiety, depression, PTSD, my experiences of abuse at the hands of predatory narcissists, and my inability to form friendships or have relationships, are all the result of the general subconscious Human response to
difference combined with my inability to
manage that
.
I was then brought to tears to read of your success in building bridges with your father, as much for your own healing as his. Your post brought to mind my own daily fear that I might not be an adequate father to my young son, that I may be unable to provide the emotional support he needs as he grows, as he strives to fit in with his own peers. What advice can I give him, how can I help him when he wants to form intimate relationships.. what is it like to feel loved, to be held when you cry, to have a mate to share experiences with and who knows you to your soul. I may never have the opportunity to experience these things and I may never be able to support my son through his own.
I would ask you, with love, to be careful of unproven diagnoses and the personal opinions of others.
I must also thank you, from my heart, for sharing your experiences and being willing and open to discussing this subject - it is only through reaching out to one another that we can work toward an understanding of ourselves, and how best to work at our relationships with those we care about so much.
