angel.of.music
New Here
Hello... I am pretty new to this. This is my first forum seeking healing advice, actually. I was first molested by an older, somewhat distant family member when I was four. Another family member was a victim turned abuser. The older member touched inappropriately until I was twelve and finally broke the fear and told someone what was happening. Two years later, the victim/abuser was placed in a correctional facility. I had been demonized by my step father, and had blame put on me by my mother for a while. Then I decided it was not to rule my life, and I suppressed most of the memories. I was very good at that, it seems.
Eleven years later, (last year) I started having flashbacks of certain events that had happened. I suffer from anxiety, insomnia, night terrors, flashbacks, I'm irritable, easily goaded into outbursts of anger, I have difficulty concentrating, hyper-vigilance, an exaggerated startle response, and am guilty of the "thousand-yard-stare". I'm kind of a shut-in. If I smell someone that has the scent of well water and dogs, I break down into hysteria. I feel my fiance's daughter has an Oedipus Complex towards him, and acts like a lover instead of a daughter - and it is a cause for many arguments. He says it's because of my past, I say it's because her mother is loose and she thinks that's how you show affection.
I feel she may be a victim of abuse, because of her strange behaviors. But this thought is disregarded by him and the child's mother. And I am demonized for feeling this "red flag". This girl is my trigger. She comes around and all the feelings flood back in, flashbacks, feelings and thoughts. It's like I'm back in that house... And I can't help but hate her, because her being there hurts me. And it's strange that she became my trigger, as his children have been in my life for three years. Why would she become a trigger in this last year?
I have difficulty keeping steady employment. I'm .... "touchy" I guess you could say, my emotions are VERY close to the surface. I rage easily, I sob easily, I have immense joy easily. But my normal state of being is tensed. I am 25 and I am afraid of the dark. I do not drive, for the anxiety is too great. My life is in fear constantly.
I had been medicated and told to "get over it" by my therapists. I was medicated for insomnia, depression, and given anti psychotics. I also have an OCD it seems. The drugs did not help, so I quit going. Does anyone else have these issues? If so, how do you deal with them? Please don't be hateful about my opinion, I have that enough in my personal life. I need help healing, and my therapists couldn't do that for me. I feel like a loose shoe that needs the laces tightened.
Thank you for anything you can contribute to help me understand, and control these bitter, strong emotions.
Kay
Eleven years later, (last year) I started having flashbacks of certain events that had happened. I suffer from anxiety, insomnia, night terrors, flashbacks, I'm irritable, easily goaded into outbursts of anger, I have difficulty concentrating, hyper-vigilance, an exaggerated startle response, and am guilty of the "thousand-yard-stare". I'm kind of a shut-in. If I smell someone that has the scent of well water and dogs, I break down into hysteria. I feel my fiance's daughter has an Oedipus Complex towards him, and acts like a lover instead of a daughter - and it is a cause for many arguments. He says it's because of my past, I say it's because her mother is loose and she thinks that's how you show affection.
I feel she may be a victim of abuse, because of her strange behaviors. But this thought is disregarded by him and the child's mother. And I am demonized for feeling this "red flag". This girl is my trigger. She comes around and all the feelings flood back in, flashbacks, feelings and thoughts. It's like I'm back in that house... And I can't help but hate her, because her being there hurts me. And it's strange that she became my trigger, as his children have been in my life for three years. Why would she become a trigger in this last year?
I have difficulty keeping steady employment. I'm .... "touchy" I guess you could say, my emotions are VERY close to the surface. I rage easily, I sob easily, I have immense joy easily. But my normal state of being is tensed. I am 25 and I am afraid of the dark. I do not drive, for the anxiety is too great. My life is in fear constantly.
I had been medicated and told to "get over it" by my therapists. I was medicated for insomnia, depression, and given anti psychotics. I also have an OCD it seems. The drugs did not help, so I quit going. Does anyone else have these issues? If so, how do you deal with them? Please don't be hateful about my opinion, I have that enough in my personal life. I need help healing, and my therapists couldn't do that for me. I feel like a loose shoe that needs the laces tightened.
Thank you for anything you can contribute to help me understand, and control these bitter, strong emotions.
Kay
