Opinionated Family

[Tanishq]

Someday you will have a family of your own.

I can't wait to be there. But reminding myself to go with turtle speed.

Thoughts of becoming good husband and good father does motivate me a lot. It keeps me hopeful and working towards it.

Thank you gizmo for your motivational words. :)

 

[MissMacD]

@ Jaret I only share my PTSD on a need to know basis with people I absolutely trust. Randomly telling someone about it is like me pulling the pin out of a grenade and expecting nothing to happen. I am so out of control of my triggers that talking to someone about it pulls me back to a place that I fight so hard every day to stay away from. Having PTSD is a full time job. There are no weekends or days off and I certainly don't get paid for it.

Little things like grocery shopping can be a nightmare for me so to try to explain why to someone else is even worse. Once while grocery shopping I saw a cereal from my childhood and suddenly was a little kid again and became frozen in the grocery aisle and couldn't move. I bought the cereal because it was something that I wasn't allowed to have as a kid but couldn't eat it. That triggered an instant lengthy depression.

People wonder why it's so hard because there is no escape and no telling when it's going to jump up and bite you in the @$$

 

[Tanishq]

Miss Mac, I am sorry you are having so rough and hard time. I can understand what you have said here.

I can see you're trying to work out through this all issues and how you are setting up boundaries for your own care. I could understanding something more why I met people who bashed me and accused me of wrong things. I ended up being much hurt and made me cry eventually.

It is good idea to first check out that people who we ask are willing to help us not. Do they really want to help us or not. Something I never checked and got fallen down in vain. :(

Did you find Therapist or someone who has specialized in ptsd for support?

 

[MissMacD]

I have been on a waiting list for CBT for 1.5 years and have my first appointment on Monday. I have been fortunate to have a super empathetic social worker who has been holding me together in the meantime.

My last encounter telling someone that I had PTSD was a few months ago and cost me my dream job and blacklisted me from a community that I have been trying to get into for years. I got hired at a raw vegan restaurant and had a serious adverse reaction to a new antidepressant that I was on and had to take time off a week after being hired there. The chef didn't have any empathy and as soon as I told him about PTSD he said "Oh I have a niece like that and we have to watch her all of the time". For a man that I had only know a week I had no room to say "Like what?" because I was so infuriated for his choice of words and his loss of respect for my ability to do my job.

I don't tell people to protect myself and am super careful what I reveal to people who are not trained to deal with trauma because it can trigger very serious depressions. Sometimes I just get so pent up with garbage I feel like I will burst and it feels good temporarily to tell someone I hardly know about my past. I get a rush at first and then afterwards I just feel depressed and empty and vulnerable.

Because of my unhealthy past with relationships I haven't been good at judging who I can tell what and in the end it has always come back to bite me.

 

[MissMacD]

If you want to help your family members understand most therapists will allow them to sit in on sessions, this is how my boyfriend and I have made progress in understanding each other.:)

 

[Tanishq]

"Oh I have a niece like that and we have to watch her all of the time". For a man that I had only know a week I had no room to say "Like what?"

This would make me angry here. It's completely careless thing we could hear.

I am sorry that you had to go through those incidents. They can damage your confidence and can create more difficulties for you.

I have stopped talking to my friends,too. Trauma is the highest difficult thing to handle. I think that if we feel much difficult to handle this, others can too.

That's mine difficulty. Here therapists are only available in metro cities. I am living in big city but still our town don't have such ptsd T. Most people don't pay attention to mental health. It's bit downward. I don't think my family members want any kind of help. They think they are perfect. It is like they should be left better alone otherwise they can cause me more harm.

It's good to hear you and your boyfriend are able to understand and carry on relationship. :)

 

[saffy]

I often think because of the way I think I lack the ability to make good judgements or decisions. I looked into what elements it takes to be able to make them.
1. Acknowledging and trusting my own feelings
2. Listening to my instincts
3. Make decisions based on those feeling and instincts
4. No! I have the right to change my mind
5. Take as long as I need to make a decision
6. Don't be afraid to ask questions, especially to fleeting derogitary remarks.
7. Don't be afraid to say no
8. Get time to know the person do not assume automatically that they are ok or looking after your interests.

mmm. When I rated myself on these I would say I was pretty low on numbers 1, 2, 5, and 8. So they are the things I have to be working on. I think this would help me be able to communicate better and make my own decisions or judgements about people or things. And not feel guilt or doubt about it :)

I think it might have helped if MissMcD asked what the comment meant. It might have given the chance to comment on things he might not quite understand or to set him straight about things he might have wrong. It might not be too late?

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Saffy, that was an excellent list. I really got alot out of it. Thank you for sharing. Very helpful.