Other Options To Cutting People Out Of My Life. Any More Suggestions?

[ms spock]

Hi @Abstract,

If I am understanding correctly then in friendships you have a tendency to blame all on yourself but then it can get to a certain point when someone pushes certain buttons or you are overwhelmed where you explode and at that point there is no self awareness anymore. ? Is that right?

Yes and unfortunately I can be nasty at that point.

If I am understanding you have a friend and were in rescuing mode over abused children and she was not being very helpful in her responses. You then lost it with her and went into attack and also became very upset by it all. ?

I have done it to a few people and I am feeling a lot of regret of this acting out emotionally.

 

[Abstract]

Hi @Ms Spock,

We are all only human and self awareness is painful but opens many doors. It takes courage to look at ourselves so you deserve credit.

You don't need to answer if it isn't helpful but how good are you at putting up boundaries earlier on? In other words if we take the friend and the child abuse issue then are you fully accepting her limitations and do you protect yourself accordingly or do you tend to blame yourself when she says things that get to you? Maybe you say to yourself you are over-sensitive and therefore just continue as usual? How good are you at allowing yourself to see her limitations and your vulnerabilities early on?

 

[ms spock]

I was sexually abused from about 2ish in a violent chaotic family. I never had those boundaries to begin with which is a real bummer.

 

[Abstract]

Dear Ms Spock,

Noone should have to experience that. You were not allowed any type of boundaries. It is very hard to learn to set boundaries and listen and give weight to our feelings when we haven't been allowed them.

I find staying self aware really hard work but essential with this stuff. Learning to set boundaries has been very hard work but very valuable.

The good thing is that so much can better now for you now with learning all these new skills.

 

[mamachick]

I have found myself saying very nasty things too. It feels uncontrollable at times. I know I am responsible for my actions but hit a limit. Reality is that relationships take constant negotiations as things arise. They are never perfect and an ongoing process. I am also on the receiving end of my children doing this. I think they have learned that whoever is not talking to me seems to get the attention as I am pre-occupied with their absense and my hurt. In my family of origin, the most hurtful thing was ignoring and being isolated from others. Its the ultimate punishment. I have realized that this in generational and my children have used it as punishment. So I have decided to refuse to give the person who wants to "shut off" communication no attention. Its not the end of the world.