Out Of Body Experiences......worst Symptom Ever

[Littlemissbrit]

Since being diagnosed with PTSD I have suffered from a range of symptoms:
- not being able to get to sleep
- nightmares
- waking up
- heart racing
- sickness
to name a few....

But the worst for me if not feeling like I am in my body....

I clearly remember the first time this happened, I am a teacher and I was sitting in a parent teacher meeting with a parent and their child who I teach having a conversation about their childs progress, I had just been given a tea with sugar in it and a biscuit, which I had eaten, and low and behold all of a sudden I felt like I was going to be sick, faint, vertigo, dizzy and looking at my self from the side talking to this parent, then I was back in my head and everything was fine, and then two second later it was back. This happened twice.

I put it down to a hyperglycaemic sugar rush... this was back in November 2013 (having been attacked and sexually assaulted by a stranger in September 2013).

In February this year this started happening a lot more regular and I started to get lots of symptoms above, this was when I was formally diagnosed with PTSD.

The more stressed I am at work, and every time I am in a counselling session this "out of body" experience happens over and over and over, until I actually want to cry. It happens when I am at work teaching....and is starting to make me think I can't work. It is the most unsettling thing ever.

I don't understand why it happens or what it is - is it the same as dissociation?

Does any one else get it? How do you control it? Is it something I should be concerned about? Am I actually going to faint?

My counsellor told me to have a grounding device like a ring that I can touch so I know I am not dreaming - does anyone know if these work?

Any information on this or even just to say its normal would be appreciated.... as its really making me anxious.

 

[The Albatross]

It is a post trauma coping mechanism. That's all it is. It is fairly common. I was out of body for many years. Basically if you asked where "I" was, I would put my hand up about two inches from the bridge of my nose. That is what happens when we've experienced a bodily assault. On some core level we decide that the body is not a "safe place to be".

I got back in and can put myself in when I'm out or half way out with cranial sacral therapy. I needed to restore the sense the my body is a safe place for "me" to be.

 

[The Albatross]

"Am I actually going to faint?" What if you do? I fainted from nine years old to thirty something (37?). What's the big whoop? I still had a job, responsibilities and no one thought the less of me for it.

 

[StellaBlue]

"Am I actually going to faint?" What if you do?

One time, when I was mentally spinning out of control, I asked my therapist "what if I end up back in the hospital?" His response was..."what if you do?" It helped me realize that, while not the most pleasant or desirable of outcomes, the world wouldn't come to a screeching halt if it happened...and so that fear was taken out of the mix. It helped, of course, that it was said with curiosity and compassion and not in any way meant as cruel or sarcastic.

 

[ghotiff]

I have this but it doesn't upset me unless there are other things going on at the same time.

Would it be helpful to try and take an detached type of observers view, like a scientific view of it. Ie. the self talk of. That's interesting. It's happening again. Wonder how long for. Rather than the emotional view which labels the above with fear or panic or similar.

It helps me to remind myself that it always stops at some point, it's just a matter of when

 

[The Albatross]

I asked out of curiosity, and then told you my own personal experience along with my own thought when it would happen next time. I would be vertical or sitting one second. On a heap on the floor the next embarrassed as heck and trying too fast to get back up even though I knew better because of other experiences and my thought in my head would be, "Hey this isn't your first rodeo, calm down and take your time... What's the big whoop?" I would calm me down from panicking, stop the shaming messages for the most part and prevent me from hyperventilating.

Not my best self today, but I can assure you I didn't mean by my response to be cruel or sarcastic.

 

[Littlemissbrit]

Thanks guys for all your thoughts....I am glad this feeling of not being in my body is one that is apparently common amoungst us sufferers.....I am very new to this PTSD and this feeling is the one that scares me the most. What you said @The Albatross actually really helped (I didn't see it as cruel or sarcastic) as you said you feel you are two inches in front of your nose.....I am always above myself looking down from the my left side....I am curious as to what the positioning means....but what you said makes sense....

On some core level we decide that the body is not a "safe place to be".

I guess at that time I was being attacked, I didn't feel my body was a safe place to be....

Thanks @ghotiff I think I will try your suggesting of reminding myself that it always stops its just a matter of time....I just find the whole thing every unnerving....

 

[ghotiff]

I am very new to this PTSD and this feeling

In reading this I realised that I should point out....my abuse was in childhood so I'm very old to this feeling (never lived without it)...this might help add context to my thoughts above.

 

[Hashi]

I'm a bit confused about whether people are talking about seeing yourself from outside your body, or simply feeling you're not in your body.

I'm used to the phrase "out of body experience" as including being nearby watching yourself. @Littlemissbrit you seem to be talking about this in post #7.

To other people, the difference may not be important. To me, it is.

For me, not feeling like I'm in my body is a muffled, sleepwalking sort of feeling. I'm aware the connection is almost there, but I can't make the connection. Or I forget, then see my hand doing something (that is, I see it in the normal way of seeing) and I'm taken aback that this hand is mine and I'm moving it. For a while I'd forgotten I had a body at all, but then I'm reminded that I do and I have to try to adjust to this knowledge.

I see this as a brain-related thing. My brain is struggling to keep the connections in place. The way I address it is to do things that are literally grounding, like touching something, walking, etc.

What I'd call an "out of body experience" is when my consciousness moves out of my body and watches over it. I am no longer connected. I've detached myself, but I'm still quite conscious that there's a separate body down there. I've chosen to leave it, but not to go far from it. I can't bring myself to abandon it. I am watching over my physical self both literally and figuratively. I keep an eye on what's happening.

I see this is as more to do with my essential being. For want of a better word, and I wish there was a better word, I see it as a soul-related thing. My soul/consciousness/essential self is struggling to stay with a brain and body that have to endure the things they do. I've heard it said that rape is a soul wound, and I agree with this. I think this is a manifestation of the injury to my essential self rather than my psychology. For me, normal grounding exercises are not what this needs.

 

[StellaBlue]

Not my best self today, but I can assure you I didn't mean by my response to be cruel or sarcastic.

I didn't mean to imply that you were being cruel or sarcastic - I'm sorry if it came across that way. I know when my counselor told me "what if you do", I later told him that his saying that was helpful - like you, it helped take some of the shame out of the mix. But he also said he needed to be careful saying it, as it could be taken as him being flippant about a fear that I took very seriously.

 

[ghotiff]

@Hashi I really value your posts.

I'm very new to all the terms that describe things. I've been linking this with my 'out of body' moments where I'm always behind and to my left. I don't understand the whole 'grounding' thing...but maybe its because grounding is better applied to the other thing (which I don't understand yet).

 

[StellaBlue]

I am always above myself looking down from the my left side....I am curious as to what the positioning means...

This is interesting to me, because I've started doing somatic experiencing and the SE therapist seems to think there is something about my left side...I'm too new to SE to totally grasp what that means. I think keeping curious is important... I also experience leaving the body (I call it going away), and like Hashi, there seem to be different experiences - the numbing, zombie-like thing and the actual "leaving the body". Recently it happened (someone said something that totally shocked me) and it was like I was thrown about a foot outside my body, then yanked back in. It was terrifying. Using some of the grounding techniques I've learned helped get me back in time, but I was "hung over" for a day or so.[DOUBLEPOST=1399121905,1399121626][/DOUBLEPOST]Some of the grounding techniques I use when I'm going out of the body are: moving my feet like I'm walking, looking around the room and naming things (that is a blue chair, that is a brown desk with a computer on it...), repeating simple statements like "I am sitting on the couch, it is Thursday, this room is safe (only if it is actually safe), I am in the present"...