Overused My Meds

[KwanYingirl]

I have this to say. I read a lot of books, scholarly books and papers about PTSD and trauma. All written by well meaning people. All making sense. But when you hear the same stuff coming from sufferers, well that makes it REAL. Thank you all for the shake up. It means a lot to hear it from ya'll.

My psychiatrist is well aware of my bad spell I had prior to joining this group. I was so isolated, I was severely dissociated and suicidal. I felt like I was on a tight rope heading away from treating my anxiety by dissociating and approaching the unknown. It was a difficult time. I was having twice weekly therapy and monthly shrink visits. I was frantic facing a life without dissociation. I've been taking my meds as prescribed now for a few weeks and I'm doing well. But I gotta face the piper when I have to call the shrink that my Geodon is getting low.

 

[NovemberStar]

I'm confused - you say you're taking your meds exactly as prescribed, but your first post you say you were over-using them and don't want your Dr to know - which is it?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I was over using, not currently. But the fact remains that I'm low on Geodon and will have to talk to my psychiatrist and he's harsh.

 

[cherryblossom]

Perhaps he's harsh for a reason, misusing medication can be potentially very dangerous. You clearly need support, and to get the right kind of help, you need to be honest with your health care providers. If you can't be honest with your psychiatrist, then you need to find one that you can be honest with, because lying to him will do you no favours in the long run.

You have mentioned your T (therapist), is he/she a specialised trauma therapist? I don't know your history, or your diagnosis, but for PTSD, medication alone isn't the answer. While medication might help, especially when starting and 'enduring' trauma therapy, medication alone will not solve PTSD. Specialist trauma therapy, be that CBT, exposure therapy, EMDR etc, is the process you need to go through to make your traumatic memories more manageable.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes I have an excellent trauma therapist. We're working towards EMDR. Right now he is trying to help me build self care strategies and safe place. He and my psychiatrist communicate which I like because then I have two brains trying to help me instead of one

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, the time to take action came. I called my psychiatrist and told him the truth and he said he was glad that I wasn't abiding my anxiety or sleep meds. He phoned in a prescription for my Geodon and he wished me luck with the Reiki. So as usual, here is one more time I have misjudged my doc. I always go to the negative grrrr.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

That is really brave of you, KwanYingirl! It must have been hard to tell him. You took a great step forward doing that.

So as usual, here is one more time I have misjudged my doc. I always go to the negative grrrr.

I know, I get that too. I guess we have been classically conditioned to not trust others, as the last time(s) we did that it did some serious damage. It's a very natural reaction, purely aimed at your own survival. Please don't be so hard on yourself about this. Embrace what you did do right: you told your shrink the truth. That's gotta count for something, right?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes @Snowwhite
I struggle with trust. And my psychiatrist is kind of harsh. It's like he and my therapist play good cop-bad cop with me. I forget that he is an Osteopathic Doctor, and his medical training supports alternative health care. He seemed genuinely pleased that I'm getting Reiki and practicing yoga.

I really do feel less anxious lately, aside from the normal stress of selling my house and downsizing. I had a sexual abuse nightmare last night but I didn't grab my drugs to put me to sleep like I used to. I'm really trying to stay grounded and not dissociate. I self harm when I dissociate. I've had enough, it's time to be part if the solution instead of always creating problems.