Overwhelmed And I Think I Just Quit Therapy

[whiteraven]

I'm really trying to approach life with the understanding that it's how we perceive and respond to struggles and challenges that creates our suffering. When I realize that, I have it a lot easier. If I change my perception, I don't suffer as much.

But...it's a learning process. Esp. when a way of being and seeing is so deeply ingrained.

And when you can't get a f*cking break to take a breath and realign your thinking.

There was security breach at work and my identity, along with that of several others, was stolen from payroll. This was tax information, so they got all of our information that goes to the government at tax season. About a month later, I got a letter from the IRS that someone had filled out tax forms in my name, using my social security number and address. I've been dealing with that for the last 3 weeks. I have to fill out a police report, as well, just as a precaution, but also because I wasn't able to get any info on the return, and I have no idea what the preparer had in mind to do with the monies once the return was processed (that is, if they had attached a bank account or PO Box for deposit or if they planned to hang out at my house and steal the mail, although I think that is unlikely).

I've been feeling physically unsafe since this happened. My home is the only place that feels safe in the whole world, and now that feeling is mostly gone. I do what I can to re-create that feeling, but it's been really hard.

Work has been horrible. Like, traumatizing-horrible.

But the worse thing, is that during all of this, I have no support. And part of me thinks I should be able to do this on my own. But all the rest of me screams that I NEED HELP and is so mad that the people that signed on to help have let me down in so many ways.

At the top of that list is my therapist.

I've written about him here before (I think), so I won't go into too much background. I've seen him for almost 5 years and I really like him (or did until recently. He's kind of on my shit list right now.) He has helped me in so many ways - I never would have made it without the complete switch in direction he helped me make, both in therapy and in general life.

But a year-and-a-half ago, there was a *deep* betrayal by a psychiatrist I was seeing, someone I had seen for 14 years. About the same time, I also suffered several mini-betrayals by medical professionals, and subsequently lost trust in most health professionals. I was very depressed and "stuck" in therapy. I also started having what we finally identified as trauma reactions. My therapist thought it would be beneficial to see another psychiatrist but I couldn't bring myself to go (think intense panic reaction followed by dissociative amnesia at the very thought). I haven't been able to even go to a doctor during this period of time, and he has not been able to help much except keeping me in survival mode, week-to-week.

I've been telling him that what we're doing is not working.That it feels like there is something missing - a kind of *space* between where I am and where I need to be to get motivated to do stuff that will help me move on. And all he keeps saying is, "I just want you to be happy. How you get there is up to you."

I finally said that if that was all he was going to say, I thought maybe we should just extend our 2 week break indefinitely. He knows how bad things are for me. He knows that I'm pretty much end-of-the-line. His response was that I was welcome to email or come back anytime.

I think I know what the response will be here. "Get a new therapist." I've heard that before. So...I am open to the idea/reality that I may be done with this one. But, I am currently unable emotionally to even think about finding a new one. I'm not sure I'll ever be there again.

Wondering a couple of things - how does one regain trust when it's been betrayed over and over again by those in healthcare, esp. therapists?

When there's NO support and NO ability to hold on to anything solid internally, what do you do?

 

[Deadman]

I'm must be a little dense. From what you've written I don't see any betrayals. I don't doubt you I just don't so the coonection between statements like

I never would have made it without the complete switch in direction he helped me make, both in therapy and in general life.

and betrayal.

 

[Teasel]

I was in the same situation over Christmas and have been wondering the same thing.

I decided I was tired of being a mental health patient and so I'm taking a break from it. Instead I'm being a what makes me feel good student.

And I guess I've come up with needing to work on gaining trust in myself first and liking myself first and figuring out what I need first before I can look to anyone else to provide help to me.

A coupe books I found helpful for me were when things fall apart - Pema Chödrön and the gifts of Imperfection - Brené Brown

So, am working on getting in touch with myself, re-evaluating what's important to me, asking myself what kinds of things do I want to spend my time doing? How do I feel? Is there anything I need? Want?
Is there something i really enjoy doing that I haven't done for a long time?
What habits and routines can I work on to improve my quality of life and build self care levels, what kinds of life skills could I do with learning? what can I do that's small but is a new experience for me? Can I think of some small challenges? Something small but that pushes me to stretch myself just a little.

Everyday I stop and think about something I'm grateful for, I meditate, do something around the house, walk somewhere, preferably in nature, read a paragraph or two from a nurturing book, spend some time in silence, eat something delicious and healthy. I've found a couple places I can go for peer support.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I'm really trying to approach life with the understanding that it's how we perceive and respond to s...

So what your therapist said. "I want you to be happy, how you get there is up to you" implies he cares about your well-being but won't tell you what you need to do. Won't control the path you take. Based on that line, good therapist. I know you'd love more guidance, so would I lol. But my therapist is the same in that and it's good therapy.

And what he replied? "You are welcome to come back or email anytime" also reads like a good therapist. He should not want you to stay or want you to leave. It should be completely up to you, he isn't putting his own emotions into this. That's hard to do and I realize comes off as insensitive and I've been burned by that line as well. But it really is to put the ball in your court at all times. It sucks. Therapy is a lonely proces a lot of the time. It has to be so it doesn't foster dependence. Although I would LOVE to depend on my therapist for the rest of my life.... can you show him the post or tell him how his words make you feel?

 

[qwyoey]

I guess I'm having a hard time seeing him as doing anything that would qualify as a betrayal on his part.

What would you like from him?
How do you think he can help you?
Do you feel capable of following through on his suggestions?
What do you feel capable of doing on your own?
What would make you happy?

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Perhaps trying a different therapist and different modality might be a good thing for you. Maybe you gained everything you could from this therapeutic relationship and you are ready to move on. You can try trauma therapist that uses EMDR, somatic therapy, experiential. My guess is your therapists does talk therapy. Try an alternative approach and see what happens.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Just a thought..... What if you went to an EAP provider through your employer (assuming you have this option) and just talked about the work place and the security breach? I know that must seem simplistic given what else you have on board, but I had to do this at one point because my T just couldn't manage my work stuff drama with my trauma stuff. Bad therapist, but that's another story. Anyway, I found the opportunity to just focus on the one situation with the EAP counselor to be very helpful, fresh insights and all. It wasn't invasive or deep, and I think that's what helped me the most. It was just about talking through issues at work, evaluation and reframing, alternate suggestions for coping, things to build confidence, working it out, self-care, etc...

At the same time or alternately, you could apply the techniques that @Bearlinda has written about above for self-management and add a new T who uses different modalities as @UniversalBeing has suggested. I think about that sometimes when I consider returning to therapy. Just someone who uses a different approach. I seem to have had T's who all went to the same LMHC program and guess what, they are all kind of cookie cutterish. Mix it up. Trust will have to build with this therapist, as you know, so maybe hold your cards for awhile and try some of the suggested self-support options while you transition.

 

[whiteraven]

I'm must be a little dense. From what you've written I don't see any betrayals. I don't doubt you I jus...

The betrayals I referred to were not with this therapist and not connected to the sentence you quoted. Sorry if that was unclear. I did say,

But a year-and-a-half ago, there was a *deep* betrayal by a psychiatrist I was seeing, someone I had seen for 14 years. About the same time, I also suffered several mini-betrayals by medical professionals,

, but that psychiatrist was not this therapist.

 

[whiteraven]

I was in the same situation over Christmas and have been wondering the same thing.

I decided I was...

Thank you for this! I really love that book by Chodron. I think I have trouble giving myself permission to just do what feels ok for me, even if it doesn't involve intensive therapy and working on issues. What I haven't had in a long time is real self-care or nurturing. My therapist was never very good at helping me understand how to do that and, even though I knew *what* to do, I was horrible at doing it. I think now, feeling kind of abandoned, I'm finding it in small things. Maybe that's what I need most.

So what your therapist said. "I want you to be happy, how you get there is up to you" implies...

Yeah, I get all this, but...and I didn't go into this detail because it's complicated...I have been severely depressed for quite awhile and I have not been able to do anything to "get there" for over a year.

I actually have a very good handle on the notion of suffering and how we create our own and are truly the only ones who can find our way out of it, but I also believe that, when you are struggling with severe depression or intense trauma, it's not unreasonable to reach out for some help.

I haven't felt like he's been providing that.

 

[Deadman]

OK I'm still lost then. Are you saying you have one good therapist and are just fed up with therapy? Or are you saying you don't have a good therapist at all?

If its the first then arranging a break with your T might be a good idea.

If its the second and you really don't have any other support then you'll probably need to start the difficult task of finding a new T. Like people above have suggested this might be a good opportunity to try a new style of therapy that might work better for you.

 

[whiteraven]

I guess I'm having a hard time seeing him as doing anything that would qualify as a betrayal on his part...

Most of the betrayals came from others. I think maybe a lot of my feeling of general betrayal now is cumulative, and this therapist just got caught up in it. Although a lot has happened with him as well in the last almost-year.

As I said before, I don't feel like I can follow through with his suggestions re: seeing a psychiatrist right now. And I don't know how to get past that.

I don't know anymore what I want/need from him. I think at this point, I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about me at all or what happens to me, so I don't think I want anything from him. I think at one point I wanted him to not leave it up to me to notice that what we were doing wasn't working. To respond to my constant pleas for a change in the way we were doing therapy. To not just imply that if it wasn't working, it must be that I wasn't trying hard enough. Esp. when I was working as hard as I could and harder than anybody I knew in my situation - something he later acknowledged.

I think now I would be happy if this life were just over. But I suspect that's not the answer you were looking for.

Perhaps trying a different therapist and different modality might be a good thing for you. Maybe...

Maybe. My therapist's focus is on mindfulness. He uses ACT and similar modalities. It's actually *very* effective, but I have just been experiencing a lot of new trauma and have had no opportunities to process much of anything.

Just a thought..... What if you went to an EAP provider through your employer (assuming you hav...

I think I like this idea. Of course, there is the trust issue, but if I can get past that (and if I went with the idea that I'd focus primarily on the security breach, that might help), it might work.

Thank you, VioletButterfly.

OK I'm still lost then. Are you saying you have one good therapist and are just fed up with therapy? Or...

Sorry. I'm struggling in my relationship with this one good therapist. Does that help? He's being a total *ss, in my opinion, to put it bluntly, for reasons I have not gone completely into here because they are long and complicated.

I didn't want to take a break, but I felt like I had to because his attitude toward me was making me worse. And yeah, that could totally be my perception of him, but I actually don't think it is. I have several emails that say otherwise.

Anyway, I appreciate your replies. I'm really struggling and it helps to bounce my ideas and thoughts off of others and to hear what you all have to say.