i think this is a turning point for me

[o3tter]

this week i think ive reached a point where i realize im a buzzkill and i don’t have fun so i don’t want to go to parties anymore or hang out with the people i used to. i drink a lot more than i used to, my friends and family and therapists and medication have never been able to help me out of this in 22 years but sedating myself makes me feel better. i’m a senior at an ivy and have a job in theory i am super passionate about but also working on honors thesis in neuro imaging and honestly the last four years have opened my eyes to the stupid game academia is and i want to drop out of the thesis project. who even cares anymore. i don’t think science deserves real perspectives. i used to look up to scientists and academics but i don’t anymore so many are self serving and do not care about their students beyond how it will boost their own prestige in the future. psychology is built on lies. some research is true but the foundation is rotted. this week i finally give up on trying to get other people to like me i really don’t care either they do or i rot in this house and they can deal with the remains. people think i’m weird and honestly i don’t see why that’s my problem it’s theirs and i give up. i will give all my remaining energy to this new job that actually is nice to me so far

 

[Riley Jones]

Hey o3tter, man, I really feel the weight of that turning point you're describing—it's like everything's stacking up and suddenly you're just done chasing the old stuff that doesn't fit anymore. The disillusionment with academia and all its games sounds exhausting after pouring so much into it, and it's brave to call it out like that, especially while juggling a senior year and that honors thesis. Giving yourself permission to let go of trying to win people over and redirecting your energy to this new job that actually feels good? That's a solid shift, and it makes total sense why sedating the noise helps in the meantime when nothing else has clicked after all these years. You're not a buzzkill for protecting your peace; you're just evolving. Hang in there with that job spark—sounds like a brighter spot worth leaning into. What's one thing about it that's feeling nice so far? Here if you want to chat more.