Panic because of thoughts/urges

[AJ45]

Has anyone ever panicked because brain screams/urges to do certain things to end all the pain suffering crap and darkness of life? Along with desperately trying to get help and having it not help or even make things worse? Constant thoughts that break you down to point where panic and you start giving into urges by practicing?

 

[Recovery4Me]

Will always miss mom. Never really got chance to be with her

^ Understand and offer love, light and warmth.
As I am sure you are aware holidays are especially challenging for so many due to love, life and loss. Also being someone’s confidant - you carry an extra ‘luv’ weight at times if they stress or trigger, ect. So difficult to be there for someone when your own well-spring of resources are depleted. You are amazing in many ways.

I go between ideation and further

If you don’t wish to go into further (explaining that is) - I respect that. However, we can be your confidant if you do wish to share. Also, I once found a anti-suicide board that was so helpful. Support was strong and there were ’cutters’ or self-harm people that came forward In shares. I do not, but just offering such boards are out there too.

I knew a Nun that self-harmed. Her Abbey allowed her to go to therapy in the UK. That is huge for the Catholic Orders and offers that it sometimes takes a village to heal. Are you seeing a therapist? I do. I chose to and need the help to maintain my symptoms, depression plus get a star to sail by.

Helpline the people are so sweet and try. so hard. Not sure its helpful enough :/.

When my mindset flushes down the crapper ... in those agonizing moments, hours, days ect. “help” seems hollow. I understand in part. I have a few unsettling diseases that are at times episodic, one is in remission currently the other progressing slowly.

But during the throws of my immediate symptoms- my PTSD activates full blown ...thus as my condition or body fails - I reevaluate (as you do perhaps, most everything). I dissociate and those helpful, well meaning and kind people/professionals seem so distant during those times.

What I am trying to share from my prospective is that I am in pain physically and/or mentally at times (such as you perhaps) but I am in pain because I want a better life, stronger self. Therefore, I need to make it so-through being my own advocate and actively seeking with hope how to do so.

The rare constant in my life has been that all things change! You can make yourself a better life...one day at a time. if you accept

 

[AJ45]

During holiday times, I have been struggling......it doesn't feel as bad when I climb out of my head, when I get up and do something for or that involves someone else I care about, like call them, send them a card, or make something they'd enjoy.....brownies have been popular lately. Doing something for someone else gives short-term meaning. If I stay in my room, under the covers, and ruminate...........it only get's worse and the negative thoughts spiral. I also make a list of things I plan to get done the next day. However, if you need to go to the hospital, do so and keep safe. Remember, this is just a moment in time.....it will get better so take action to stay safe.

I always make lists. Its like you do everything you should yet..... Holidays havent existed since like middle school

^ Understand and offer love, light and warmth.
As I am sure you are aware holidays are especially challenging for so many due to love, life and loss. Also being someone’s confidant - you carry an extra ‘luv’ weight at times if they stress or trigger, ect. So difficult to be there for someone when your own well-spring of resources are depleted. You are amazing in many ways.



If you don’t wish to go into further (explaining that is) - I respect that. However, we can be your confidant if you do wish to share. Also, I once found a anti-suicide board that was so helpful. Support was strong and there were ’cutters’ or self-harm people that came forward In shares. I do not, but just offering such boards are out there too.

I knew a Nun that self-harmed. Her Abbey allowed her to go to therapy in the UK. That is huge for the Catholic Orders and offers that it sometimes takes a village to heal. Are you seeing a therapist? I do. I chose to and need the help to maintain my symptoms, depression plus get a star to sail by.



When my mindset flushes down the crapper ... in those agonizing moments, hours, days ect. “help” seems hollow. I understand in part. I have a few unsettling diseases that are at times episodic, one is in remission currently the other progressing slowly.

But during the throws of my immediate symptoms- my PTSD activates full blown ...thus as my condition or body fails - I reevaluate (as you do perhaps, most everything). I dissociate and those helpful, well meaning and kind people/professionals seem so distant during those times.

What I am trying to share from my prospective is that I am in pain physically and/or mentally at times (such as you perhaps) but I am in pain because I want a better life, stronger self. Therefore, I need to make it so-through being my own advocate and actively seeking with hope how to do so.

The rare constant in my life has been that all things change! You can make yourself a better life...one day at a time. if you accept

I cant so much respond to what you say very drained but am trying to understand

 

[TruthSeeker]

I always make lists. Its like you do everything you should yet..... Holidays havent existed since like middle school

I am alone. I create the holiday I want it to be. I left the people who created the holiday drama. Now my life is more predictable, and shit doesn't happen on holidays. Generally speaking, it's a pleasant day. I decorate, make plans I want to do, and craft it so that it's a positive thing with positive people. Consider how you want holidays to be for the future......and make a short list of traditions that would be fun and manageable (and not fall thru because of someone else being a jerk).

But now, holidays are over and we have a new year to look forward to.....what would be your vision for a positive new year (aside from covid not being an issue)......I think we have the capability as humans to make choices that make us unhappy and get into situations not realizing the consequences........and we stay there because we don't feel we have another choice, are afraid, or stay because of shame...........but we have the capability as humans to climb out of a hole we may have dug for ourselves when we decide the life we have isn't what we want. Dare to dream. Make a list of how you'd like next year to be. I think I've been doing a life overhaul for several years now.....values......expectations of myself...boundary setting and realistic expectations of others, choosing who is healthy to have in my life....choosing those who lift my spirits and don't manipulate ...making my home really feel like mine.......listening to the quiet and liking it.....as opposed to the drama, criticism, and negativity of others. I think I had to identify what I didn't like, set a bar of what was acceptable, and stick to it....it is work to turn things around.....still working on it but life is better. Good luck to you there....have a better week.