Parents Explain Ptsd To Their Kids On Video

[void]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA0hXS58oXY


Explaining that a parent has PTSD and why.....to children.

When should it be done?

How should it be done?

What details should be provided?

Have you told your children? will you?

My hope is to stimulate discussion on this complex issue. It is undoubtedly VERY difficult to approach this challenge.

Feel free to share any thoughts/experiences you have related to this topic.

Ty.

 

[Deadman]

Oh god I hope they screened those kids first.

I'm very thankful there were no children in my situation.

 

[desiderata310]

Yes but I was lucky in a way. My kids were grown.
We didn't talk about my suicide attempt. I don't think they really remember it since they were very young and it was decades before I knew I had PTSD. If they don't remember it it's not important to the story.

As far as they are concerned they know the story or they know enough of the story. They know that their ex-step-dad was why I have PTSD. That's good enough.

Since then my two boys have been diagnosed with PTSD (from their life with their step-dad). I don't think my daughter is far behind them at this point. She's a stubborn hold-out there but she recently had a bad accident and has been suffering from post traumatic stress but not full-blown PTSD yet.

What I did was to admit that I had started to go to a therapist because S had really messed with my head and that I had PTSD. They knew enough about him to not have to hear details. That said, SOME details have come out over time and the boys have had a very tough time hearing the very barest details of the sexual stuff. They are old enough to know that these things happen. Both proclaim that they had better NEVER see him ever again.

*sigh*

I've mentioned a few things (since they are grown and my parents are dead) to give them some indication that my childhood was not 'rosy'. I've never gotten into the discussion that I was actually dx'd with C-PTSD. The fact that it has changed my life, that I have a service dog, that I deal with things differently now. That's enough.

There's nothing to look at in my experience for them to be "proud" of except that we left. Suddenly. And I made it stop. But I didn't fight for my country. In many ways, I think that makes it easier to talk to kids about what's happened. No one wants to have the conversation about being raped and beaten by your husband to your kids. :unsure:

 

[Deadman]

Now that I think about it I did have a guy in one of my groups that talked about how he explained his PTSD to his son. He son was in the 8 to 11 yo range I think. He simply said that he had been injured in Rwanda and that the injury was on the inside where it was hard for other people to see. He explained that the injury sometimes made him do or say things he didn't mean. As his son got older he provided more details but only if his son asked first.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I couldn't watch the whole video. I think kids should know. I think a talk should be had. But, what is said how many details and how graphic the details are need to be very carefully filtered. Kids can tell when something is going on. They also, try to understand the best they can. And at certain ages there are certain things that are very hard for kids to understand. The little boy in this video didn't seem to understand what was being said to him. He couldn't remember seeing his dad in the hospital. The honesty is good. The conversation was necessary. I just wondered if it was too much for him.

I don't know the people in this video and I know people do the best they can. I guess for me the answer would be to be as honest as possible with respect to the age of the child. My kids know I have PTSD. But, my kids are in their 20's. I haven't told them every single detail. And I won't tell them. My son is protective of me and it would be distressing to what end? I'm honest with them. They know the names of the traumas. Things like rape and emotional abuse for example. But, the details? The details are hard enough for me to deal with.

 

[Candleflames]

I couldn't watch the entire video either. It's a bit of a delicate decision when it comes to how much to disclose and highly variable depending on the situations. I have 3 children in very different ages. So when I was diagnosed 4 years ago the way I explained things to my 14 year old was very different from my 10 year old and very different from my 8 year old. That was because they each had a different base of information for context and were at different emotional levels.

They all knew from a very young age that grandma and grandpa were not in their lives much because they had done bad and mean things to me growing up. I didn't trust them to not repeat the abuse so I never let my parents alone with my kids and well my kids noticed. So when I was diagnosed I explained it right away. First we had a family meeting and I came clean. I explained that the bad and mean things were so bad that now my brain is stuck in thinking that it was still happening. That that was called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I then answered my youngest's questions and then let her go play. The conversation continued with the older two and it was explained that what I experienced was physical and psychological abuse by both my parents. Answered more questions and let my middle child go. This is where my oldest informed me that they had just studied PTSD in school. That he hated my family for doing this to me.

As the years have gone on the conversation has grown with all of us. When explaining to kids a one time conversation is useless. On going conversations that build on the previous talks are how their understanding grows and an interesting side effect, so does your relationship. I personally didn't offer up details and when asked I simply say that that is a visual I don't want them to have. Just as their are things they want private that's how I feel about my details.

While I have an obvious start date of talking about PTSD, my date of diagnosis, I'm going to say the best time to start is when they start asking peripheral questions. For us it was where is our grandpa? It was definitely easier having laid down the groundwork by talking about our family dynamics, health/mental health, touching both appropriate and inappropriate, abuse and how to be a good friend by telling.....

 

[Beemo3780]

I disagree with letting your kids know anything. I don't know what good can come from that.

My daughter's therapist told me not to tell my daughter about my PTSD, nor about how my mother was bipolar and she took her own life. My daughter is a teenager, and I found out I had PTSD when she was about 10 after I witnessed my mother's death, but also was dealing with an abusive relationship with my daughter's father. She doesn't know I have PTSD, and I will not be telling her, maybe when she's an adult. My ex husband, unfortunately, told her all about my mother, whom I never let around my daughter in the first place when she was alive.

I grew up with a mentally ill mother, and it was covered up for the most part to the outside world, but it was always the excuse when my mother did something violent and crazy. I hated her for that. I was constantly stressed out to the point of being 6 years old and pulling my hair out in clumps, but she had bipolar disorder, so it was ok for her to act like that. That was the message I got.

I will not let my daughter grow up with any worries about my health or mental state. I keep my panic attacks hidden from her. I keep my anxiety from her. I keep my physical health problems hidden from her. I absolutely dread having to be social or be around people that I don't know, I have to suck it up many times, and have learned to fake normal. Even when I'm having a panic attack. It's the same idea as not involving kids in finances. They are innocent, it shouldn't be their job to worry about their parents' problems. She already has one parent that is a drug addict and a violent man, I need to be the complete polar opposite of that. Kids need strong roots to be able to survive out in the real world.

 

[Justmehere]

I think it's a balance. Both of my parents had untreated and unmanaged PTSD. I didn't know until I was an adult. All I did know was that my parents, my primary caregivers, were very much not ok, and like many kids, I blamed myself.

I wouldn't have wanted or needed to know all the details, but keeping it a complete secret didn't help me feel any more safe or secure, and simply left me up to my own devices to piece together what was wrong.

Something was wrong.

I thought it was me.

Kids don't need perfect parents. They need safe responsive parents that help guide them through life challenges, even when it's ones the parents are facing.


Knowing age appropriate info that mom is having a bad day, sometimes gets worried when everything is actually ok, and that it's not the child's fault - or later when a teen/ young adult, more specific info that a patent has PTSD and is getting help - this kind of basic info that isn't too detailed and doesn't put the burden on the child, but does help them know the reason why things are the way they are, can help the child grow into a healthy adult who knows it's ok to not be all ok and it's ok ask for help.

1 in 4 women have been sexually assaulted. 1 in 3 active law enforcement officers have full blown PTSD. Kids usually don't need to know what the trauma is, but it's also not harmful to say a difficult thing happened and mom or dad is hurt and working through it.

Kids usually know something is wrong anyhow.