Part Of Me Says I'm Not Allowed To Call This Cptsd.

[Valance]

I think I might be recovering from a psychiatric injury that happened years ago, I exhibit symptoms of CPTSD. I have not been formally diagnosed; I only learned of CPTSD very recently, but it fits with the way I think and react. Sorry for the long post.

I don't want to go to my friends about it, because they have their own problems to work through and mine pale in comparison, I don't want to bother them. My inner voice is telling me that this isn’t a real thing ("it sounds so stupid, you’re just looking for an excuse for being weak because you’re weak, you’re weak, you’re weak, just suck it up and deal with it").

I've been looking at other posts here, and most of your stories are so much more serious than mine--my grandparents committed suicide some years ago and my closest friend stopped acknowledging my existence when she found out. A month later, I started sixth grade, where my total lack of friends and social skills rendered me the brunt of all the bullying in my class. (All elementary schools in my district are k-5 only; new sixth-graders are stuffed into one building and sorted into random classes. I think the administration does this to force kids to learn to socialize, but for a quiet little kid with ADD who was previously totally oblivious to social norms and who is now dealing with the abrupt and confusing deaths of her grandparents, socialization was nearly impossible.) I had absolutely zero support system at school, no way to make friends, and no way to escape. I retreated into my mind, using almost-hallucinatory daydreams to hide from my own inadequacy. My family was as supportive as they could be, but they were also trying to cope with Grandma and Grandpa's decision. I remember almost nothing of that year and the two that followed. My mother says she was terrified that I was going to kill myself--I would say I've never been suicidal, but I don't remember.

Today, I am hypervigilant and exhibit most of the signs of someone recovering from a psychiactric injury. I have difficulty trusting people, and almost always feel I am not good enough.

Posting this is difficult. I am afraid that mine is not a valid enough reason to have CPTSD. I haven't been through what you have, I had a good childhood, I'm not suicidal or chronically depressed, I've never self-injured. I am afraid that I am just looking for an excuse. I am afraid that there is no real reason for the way my mind reacts to certain things, and that I am just a freak who doesn't belong and who will never belong.

If this is the case, please be honest and tell me. I don't know who else to ask. Am I recovering? Or am I just weird?

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Valance,

Welcome.
This is not something to go to friends about. The person to speak with would be a therapist (also known as a counselor).
We cannot diagnose you, only a professional therapist can do this.

None of your symptoms or history would suggest CPTSD, and it is very dangerous for you to try to come up with a self-diagnosis of this, or any other disorder. I don't think you are looking for an excuse or that you are "just weird". You might have a social anxiety disorder, which is very treatable, and far more easily than CPTSD. Again, the only person who could diagnose and treat you would be a therapist.

You can refer yourself to a therapist, ask your doctor who they would recommend you speak with, or if you belong to a religious organization, often the head of it can advise you. There are even chaplain's offices and social workers in hospitals that you could go ask for assistance, since they know some of the best therapists in your town.

The type of person you would speak with as a therapist would be a psychologist (Ph.D.) or social worker (CSW or MSW), these are the people I would recommend you see first. They would most likely send you to a testing psychologist for a complete diagnosis. If you need any medications, those are generally prescribed by a psychiatrist.

Don't worry about the CPTSD, Valance. Just get yourself to a therapist, and they'll help you from there.
With all my warmest wishes for recovery and a happy life!
Deer

 

[kers]

I hear that you are experiencing a lot of challenges and pain. Seek treatment, as only a professional can diagnose and truly help resolve a mental disorder or suffering. Self-diagnosis is a dangerous thing, as a qualified psychiatrist or practitioner has years of training analyzing the criteria for each disorder and they are familiar with the presentation of a variety of issues.

 

[Iam]

Hi Valance,

I want to welcome you to the forum.

I am sorry that you are suffering so much and think so poorly of yourself. As both Deer and Kers have said, the best route for you to take is to go to a therapist for help in figuring out what is going on and how to best help you.

We cannot diagnose you, but given what you have stated it is highly unlikely that you have C-PTSD as it requires childhood abuse in some form that was psychological, physical or sexual in nature in which you felt helpless, that you believed your life was in danger or witnessed someone else in that kind of danger or ongoing domestic violence. It does not sound from your post that you experienced that type of trauma unless maybe you witnessed your grandparents committing suicide or found their bodies? You might want to take a look at this article on the forum [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/connecting-events-and-symptoms-of-cptsd.13767/[/DLMURL] which will help clarify causes of CPTSD. There are many disorders that have similar symptoms and as Deer said, you would be much better off with any of those as most are curable whereas PTSD is not.

That is not to say that the suicide of your grandparents was not traumatic for you. Especially if you were very close to them and given the fact that it sounds as if your parents were unavailable emotionally to help you sort out your own feelings about what occurred. That is so tragic and I am sorry to hear it.

You are welcome here on the forum as we are here to support each other. Wishing you all the best.

 

[just me here]

Do you want to feel better? Do want to make the effort to get what you want?

I didn't know about cptsd, I also doubted my "street cred" here. All I can say is: If you answered yes to both questions above, you are on your way and the name of the diagnosis is unimportant, just get a starting point, a goal, and start building the map from here to there.

Welcome, you have found a valuable resource, good luck.

 

[Seneca]

You shouldn't trivialize other mood or anxiety disorders. Part of what helped me come to terms with possibly having PTSD was realizing it referred to a specific syndrome caused by malfunctions in the brain, rather than some abstraction dividing the "really bad" from the "epically, cosmically bad."

Don't get me wrong, PTSD is pretty bad. But there are some people with PTSD who are doing better than some people with chronic depression, or bipolar disorder, etc.