Relationship Partner is nonresponsive suddenly.

[rsal57]

It’s a huge learning curve. Nobody knows what they’re getting into when they start a relationship with a sufferer. You have to have a rhino hide for sure. It a tight-rope walk… being empathetic without being a doormat.

I had no idea how severe this could be until she started talking to me about how some of my actions can be triggers. Then when her ex got sentenced to multiple felony counts I had an ‘oh shit’ moment. He broke her collarbone, strangled her, gave her a black eye. It’s definitely a huge learning curve.

It doesn’t help that I have abandonment triggers. Luckily I have a professional therapist to work through all this with. This forum has been immensely helpful too

 

[honeybeeABC]

I had no idea how severe this could be until she started talking to me about how some of my actions can be triggers. Then when her ex got sentenced to multiple felony counts I had an ‘oh shit’ moment. He broke her collarbone, strangled her, gave her a black eye. It’s definitely a huge learning curve.

It doesn’t help that I have abandonment triggers. Luckily I have a professional therapist to work through all this with. This forum has been immensely helpful too

Hi , I'm currently going through this myself with my partner. I understand completely how you're currently feeling.

I met my partner 9 months ago , officially been dating for going on 6 months now.

He basically switched over night , however I did see little sign's a month leading up to where we are now. I think the hardest part for myself is that I had no pre warning. He had explained bits of his previous abusive relationship and now looking back on the things he was saying to me with a better understanding of what his going through he did try to explain how he was feeling but his communication wasn't very clear. I feel terrible for not understanding him but have to also give myself grace. I just didn't understand what I understand now. We are basically very much in the same situation as your relationship. I'm constantly going through mind loops myself , back and forth from does he not love me anymore to this isn't about me give him time and space. It's that constant battle between doing the things he loved me doing ( such as daily messages ) to now respecting the space he has asked for. It's definitely a hard situation especially when it's the first time and not having the tools in place to navigate this. Waiting and praying he can find his own way out of survival mode to be able to have a conversation about how I can best support him or even just anything to understand more about what he is dealing with. It's hard to speak with anyone else people don't really understand. Family & friends love you so in their mind your partner is just being a terrible person , however you know differently and you hold so much love for this person that you truly don't want to give up in their time of need. I'm not sure if this is allowed however if you would like to reach out I could definitely use a friend who understands and is going through the same thing. I haven't spoke to anyone about my situation I struggle with it because I know right now he lacks trust in me, but deep down logically i know i am his safe place.I believe this is all part of his survival tactics because his irrational thinking and the fact he doesn't even understand why or when he started feeling this way clearly explains it. I just can't walk away from the man I love right now even if his walking away from me. I need to try at least and I truthfully believe he will be ok. His such a smart , determined person. Right now im praying alot , seeking my own mental health assistance, learning about ways I can better support him when he comes around. I'm also back at the gym and doing my own work to insure I have clear boundaries and better ways of coping in the event that it will most likely happen again.

 

[honeybeeABC]

Hi , I'm currently going through this myself with my partner. I understand completely how you're currently feeling.

I met my partner 9 months ago , officially been dating for going on 6 months now.

He basically switched over night , however I did see little sign's a month leading up to where we are now. I think the hardest part for myself is that I had no pre warning. He had explained bits of his previous abusive relationship and now looking back on the things he was saying to me with a better understanding of what his going through he did try to explain how he was feeling but his communication wasn't very clear. I feel terrible for not understanding him but have to also give myself grace. I just didn't understand what I understand now. We are basically very much in the same situation as your relationship. I'm constantly going through mind loops myself , back and forth from does he not love me anymore to this isn't about me give him time and space. It's that constant battle between doing the things he loved me doing ( such as daily messages ) to now respecting the space he has asked for. It's definitely a hard situation especially when it's the first time and not having the tools in place to navigate this. Waiting and praying he can find his own way out of survival mode to be able to have a conversation about how I can best support him or even just anything to understand more about what he is dealing with. It's hard to speak with anyone else people don't really understand. Family & friends love you so in their mind your partner is just being a terrible person , however you know differently and you hold so much love for this person that you truly don't want to give up in their time of need. I'm not sure if this is allowed however if you would like to reach out I could definitely use a friend who understands and is going through the same thing. I haven't spoke to anyone about my situation I struggle with it because I know right now he lacks trust in me, but deep down logically i know i am his safe place.I believe this is all part of his survival tactics because his irrational thinking and the fact he doesn't even understand why or when he started feeling this way clearly explains it. I just can't walk away from the man I love right now even if his walking away from me. I need to try at least and I truthfully believe he will be ok. His such a smart , determined person. Right now im praying alot , seeking my own mental health assistance, learning about ways I can better support him when he comes around. I'm also back at the gym and doing my own work to insure I have clear boundaries and better ways of coping in the event that it will most likely happen again.

Sorry I went of track but I haven't told anyone because I have a hard time dealing with keeping his current situation private and not giving him an actual reason to feel like he can't trust me. I have spoke a little to my mother and she has expressed understanding letting me know that I need to lean on them while I support him but I've not gone in depth with his situation. It's a very confusing, hurtful and lonely situation to be in.

 

[rsal57]

Hi , I'm currently going through this myself with my partner. I understand completely how you're currently feeling.

I met my partner 9 months ago , officially been dating for going on 6 months now.

He basically switched over night , however I did see little sign's a month leading up to where we are now. I think the hardest part for myself is that I had no pre warning. He had explained bits of his previous abusive relationship and now looking back on the things he was saying to me with a better understanding of what his going through he did try to explain how he was feeling but his communication wasn't very clear. I feel terrible for not understanding him but have to also give myself grace. I just didn't understand what I understand now. We are basically very much in the same situation as your relationship. I'm constantly going through mind loops myself , back and forth from does he not love me anymore to this isn't about me give him time and space. It's that constant battle between doing the things he loved me doing ( such as daily messages ) to now respecting the space he has asked for. It's definitely a hard situation especially when it's the first time and not having the tools in place to navigate this. Waiting and praying he can find his own way out of survival mode to be able to have a conversation about how I can best support him or even just anything to understand more about what he is dealing with. It's hard to speak with anyone else people don't really understand. Family & friends love you so in their mind your partner is just being a terrible person , however you know differently and you hold so much love for this person that you truly don't want to give up in their time of need. I'm not sure if this is allowed however if you would like to reach out I could definitely use a friend who understands and is going through the same thing. I haven't spoke to anyone about my situation I struggle with it because I know right now he lacks trust in me, but deep down logically i know i am his safe place.I believe this is all part of his survival tactics because his irrational thinking and the fact he doesn't even understand why or when he started feeling this way clearly explains it. I just can't walk away from the man I love right now even if his walking away from me. I need to try at least and I truthfully believe he will be ok. His such a smart , determined person. Right now im praying alot , seeking my own mental health assistance, learning about ways I can better support him when he comes around. I'm also back at the gym and doing my own work to insure I have clear boundaries and better ways of coping in the event that it will most likely happen again.

I can't tell you how good it feels to read about someone going through the exact same thing for the first time. Honestly, I'm realizing that the only people who I can trust to discuss my relationship with are my therapist and the members here. It's the only place you'll receive advice that is applicable. No one really understands. What I will say is this: Avoid alcohol and substances because at least for me it really impacts my ability to be mindful and not give in to the fear based thoughts. All of the sadness comes rushing in and becomes deafening when I drink and then I can't give my partner space. Try your best to practice gratitude and ask yourself if your negative thoughts are from a fearful place? I'll shoot you a message if you'd like someone to talk to. The first time you go through this it is so so hard. You know when the time is right your partner will come back. Maintain a long term outlook. I know that is super hard to do but I've been doing alot better this week after reading this message earlier:

Might I suggest thinking of things another way?

Giving her that space is a loving act. She needs it to feel better and you want her to feel better. Step back, take a breath, and stop the catastrophic thinking.

She didn’t say “I want to break up” or “I don’t want to see you anymore.” She didn’t cut off all contact. She just needs a break from life. Why spend the energy panicking and feeling bad?

Take a little me time for yourself and consider it a vacation. Give her a week with no “I miss yous” or relationship talks. See if she comes around.

She will appreciate the chill, and you will feel better too.

I’ve been with my sufferer for over a decade, and if you take all the PTSD symptoms and quirks personally you’re going to make yourself nuts.

 

[rsal57]

A truly heartbreaking response. She said her trauma is too recent. All she can think about is healing and she's not ready to be physically intimate with someone and won't be for a very long time. She loves me so much but everyday her trauma occupies her thoughts. She is about to send her abuser to prison for a very long time and it's eating at her everyday. She said she does not want to lose the friendship part of her relationship and I don't want to lose that either. I'm not sure what to respond with yet because it is too fresh but I am relieved to have closure for now.