People wont always like you

[The Albatross]

===>> something to examine more, "I come off rude at times when some jabber 24/7". Conversations are fluid things and not cumulative... or rather not intended to be. Nor can someone jabber 24/7. That is not fact based.

 

[Rani G2]

24/7 is not fact based. Yes? But some humans have the tendency to be "I" focused all the time lets say most of the time.

 

[Rani G2]

If i am brutally honest I think this all come out of a deep sense of feeling less worth ( you know Alba)

I want others to be thankful, for what? What shall they do?

Its me not them.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

When I try to imprint my malfunctional issues onto others (which I honestly and personally have a strong tendency at times to do this) I then have a tendency to lose sight of trying to find out who the hell am I in relationship to others? And honestly, I don't have a clue who I am and I am struggling this day to remain present and deal with my severe personality deficits (which are part and parcel of what was taught to me by perps long ago - and these cruel negative and self-defeating messages play 24/7 in my mind except when I'm asleep which lately as only been averaging 3 1/2 hours per night).

Also, for me, it is so easy to get caught up in what others think about/of me and this is a huge detrimental problem for me. I have never had an "I" and have never allowed myself think past food, clothing, and shelter the basic human needs. Even to this day I feel as though I don't deserve to live and I can't for the life of me understand why I am still here? For my body and mind were ravaged sexually, physically, and in most every other violent way and was assaulted and destroyed and now starting from scratch (without trying to constantly as before take myself out of this world) I'm beginning to learn a little about what I like, don't like, what my serious debilitating personality problems are, how to try and work on them and change myself and this is oh so hard for me. I knee-jerk react if anyone questions my "okayness". I am so trying to protect myself almost like a hyper-vigilant soldier on guard night-watch trying to keep the pred./pervs from harming me and they're all dead now, I do believe.

Anyway, I am not perfect and this is not an excuse to act in an unhealthy manner towards others - this is simply where I am at in life. And I know that I'll make mistakes, and I will learn from them or doomingly repeat them until I learn, or they kill me, etc. And when I don't know where someone's coming from when they question my reality (okayness) then I feel judged, attacked, and am on-guard. This is who I am today and am learning to try and not be as f*cking hyper-vigilant and that maybe, just maybe someone is questioning my okayness, because they perhaps maybe care about me. Care...about (crying) me... Peace...and most of all...love.

 

[The Albatross]

Tendency is a far far cry from 24/7 which is what you were telling yourself. That's why I called ya on it.

 

[The Albatross]

It is okay to be an introvert... and it is okay to be confused and take time to figure out what that means, where you're at, and how it effects what you want ahead of a trip home. You're ahead of the game in a big way cuz you're thinking about it now. But if you can flesh it out more it will help you better to assess and create a more successful strategy where you can have a more pleasant experience. Honest.

 

[Rani G2]

Thanks Alba/ jadesjewel! Will be back soon

I find it hard to selfsoothe myself now. I am everywhere! Crying is all that works

 

[Beans]

If i am brutally honest I think this all come out of a deep sense of feeling less worth ( you know Alba...

Whoa. "Thankful for what?" just hit me. Pple in childhood are used to having a ton of attn lavished on them, aren't they? His majesty the baby lol. Pple are used to being adored, having pple there and having that attn need filled. Why would they be thankful for attn, they likely expect it. They likely have pple they can get it from and possibly don't "need" the attn like i do. They likely don't need my attn. I'm grateful for attention cause I'm starved for attn. That doesn't mean that's everyone else's experience. Hmmm.