Pick Pick Pick

[fuzzypenguin]

I never know how to start talking about this, so bare with me.

I don't know exactly why I do it, but I do.. I don't remember starting to do it at any particular age, I just remember doing it... I wish it was easy to stop, but it's not. I'm in the process of talking to my counselor about it (but due to school limits, I only have 2 half an hour appointments left; was only one full session {1 hour} left but thankfully it can be broken up into half hour increments) but it's hard to pinpoint why I do it when I do it. My last homework assignment was to write down my mood/emotion 3 times a day - during the day, in the shower, and after shower. Long story short, I do it during my shower or immediately after before I get dressed... anyways... I strongly believe I'm doing good to my body..by cleaning out the pores, regardless of where they are. I also understand though that I am doing harm...esp if I draw blood from pinching too much... My nails are never long..to me. They are long to my boyfriend at different points though. It doesn't matter whether they (nails) are long or short, I'll still do it. I'm too embarrassed to say what I get out of it, other than cleaning...that's where I'm at with my counselor. ... I really just want to hide at this point because of what I'll be typing. I have my hood up which is somewhat helping but not enough... I haven't told her whether I like blackheads or whiteheads more...I haven't told her that when I'm talking about it (even now) I just have the image in my head of doing it..the ideal pick, sort of speak... I guess I do it when I'm really anxious..and that's when my next homework assignment is coming into play.. to write down things that cause me anxiety... I'm worried I won't have enough time between my next two sessions to get everything out...guess it's time to stop beating around the bush and just get to the point...
I don't know what I was getting at typing this..I just needed to type it.

time to go curl up in bed and pretend I don't exist


*While typing this, I took many breaks to try to organize my thoughts and feelings. Sorry if they seem out of order, jumpy, or don't make a lot of sense.

 

[Changing4Best]

When I was a teenager I used to do this too. I don't really have but one of them left now, a small black head. SO other than that, I don't do it any longer. I am in my mid 60s now in age, but I do still get something from it too, though I am too embarrassed to say what as well ;).

 

[Anniebananie]

I am 50 and my legs are covered in scabs from picking ingrown hairs. I also have scars on my face from picking at pimples. In the last few years, I've picked my face so badly during stressful times that I looked like I was in a car accident or a fight. I try to stop, but I get into this catatonic state and I'm watching from the ceiling shaking my head trying to stop, but I can't seem to, and I don't think that I'm worth the effort anyway.

I'm working on self-compassion and my mantra today is, "You deserve to be loved. I am surrounding you in loving kindness." It helps a little, even though I fight it and argue that I don't.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I used to pick zits, if tgats what youre talking about. Havent had em in years. Doesnt seem that bad a thing. Just my 2 cents

 

[anthony]

Are you referring to picking at your skin? Not sure what the shower has to do with this?

I'm too embarrassed to say what I get out of it, other than cleaning

The secret is half of your problem, because not understanding why you do it, is part of the solution to help you stop.

 

[fuzzypenguin]

Yes, picking at my skin. Sorry for not clarifying.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Oh lord you should see my arms. Have done it as long as I can remember. I have KP, aka "chicken skin", ingrown hairs on my arms and legs. I know picking at it makes it worse but it feels like the right thing to do.

Dermatolomania or something?

 

[fuzzypenguin]

yup, Dermatillomania. close enough ha

 

[KwanYingirl]

@fuzzypenguin Ive worked in women's healthcare for 35 years. What you are describing is more common than you'd think. It is not quite the same as self injury, but it does relieve anxiety because it focuses the mind on something mundane. You know how people get sunburned and they peel the burned skin off. One of the doctors I worked with used to tell women it's a trait of being a mammal; to watch monkeys and gorillas they are always picking. Don't know if that's valid, but he said it was. Mutilating your body is self injury and my guess is that your counselor needs to get a handle on the severity of your habit. Wait til you have a child, then you really start picking at them!! You're very brave to have shared your story. If you feel ashamed about your picking, you can try other means to dispel anxiety. I'm sorry that you only have a few times left with your counselor.

 

[Thinkbig]

I totally agree that this seems like an anxiety thing. I've looked up a bit about emotional regulation because I always was holding onto so much tension. It has to come out somehow. Good for you being honest with us!

Google emotional regulation at myshrink -may be helpful to explain how we can get stuck in anxiety mode.

Personally I find very deep sighs to be helpful since I suck at exercising. :cool:

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I have read this is a symptom of of a lot of people with PTSD. I used to do it a lot when I was younger. My mother was really bad, she not only picked at herself but at us kids too. She would literally sit on me to try and hold me still while she dug into my skin. After a while once I saw her peering at me with a certain look I would just take off. I don't know the whys but it is vey common.