Pizza? Tired? Ptsd? What Is It?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

My family had a yard sale today so we were out in the sun all day. I took a shower and relaxed once we came in. Yesterday my husband and I had decided to order pizza tonight. So after returning from the transfer station, my husband and I talked about pizza. He was so tired that I said I would go if he wanted me to in order to pick up the pizza. Then, he said he was just going to order a pizza for the boys and I and he'd leftovers in order to keep the costs down.

When I got into my car and drove to get the pizza, I was crying. I was upset that my husband wasn't getting pizza and was sacrificing once more even though he said he was fine. I was upset (quite irrationally so) that it was only a small pizza for 3 people to split.

At the pizza place, I dissociated/switched and bought chips and a drink without really thinking about it. On the way back to the car I had to walk between two men and I was positive they were going to attack me (they didn't). I have been withdrawing ever since. And I am left wondering, what is going? Why do I keep falling apart?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can't really tell. Busy day then disappointment? Feeling guilty because hubby is putting his desires aside? Then maybe your mind got activated and you dissociated . It happens in the blink of an eye. It's never easy to have to walk between strange men-let that piece go. Plus you're probably hungry. Good luck, I hope it passes through quickly.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is it really saving all that much by ordering a small? I know that here, the price of the smalls is crazy, but its not that much more to get a large. I'd be pissed and want pizza, too!

 

[RussH]

This tells me that finances are tight for you. I completely understand that, and whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, financial pressure is real pressure, and it will affect the way you are triggered, especially emotionally.

I know when I am stressed financially, it affects all aspects of my life, and my ability to handle daily pressure, much less the issues associated with PTSD and all his little friends. I am much more easy to tear up, or mentally beat myself up while under financial pressure, than other times.

JEK this also tells me something else really, really important. Your husband really, truly loves you, and loves your children.
Excuse me if this sound like preaching but let me share this with you.
In Ephesians 5. Paul is writing to the church and he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus love for the church is a sacrifical love. He gave himself, surrendered his life for the church, and there is no higher love.

Your husband is demonstrating this kind of love for you and your children. Yes, going without pizza is a little thing, but the message he is sending is not; he loves you, and you want to know why? Because you are worth loving.

Jesus also said a man will put his treasure where his heart is, and your husband has shown where his heart is.

I know it is hard for you, seeing him go without, but he is doing it for a really good reason.

blessings to you.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@RussH and @Solara - We had a "welcome to the neighborhood" coupon for a free small. My plan was that my husband would get the free small and the rest of us would split a large. Sometimes it's hard to say what I want and I just go with the flow. Everything my husband chose to do tonight was to save money, but honestly the extra pizza wouldn't have broken the bank and to me it was really about enjoying something special together.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I agree, sometimes its just the little things that matter, you know? I don't ask for the world, but I do like a little something every now and again, especially when its a treat that I'm sharing with my significant other.

I hope that you can work on asserting your needs and wants with your husband instead of always going with the flow to make everyone else happy. Does your husband know that this is an issue? He can't be a part of the solution if he doesn't know it is a problem.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Solara - I am not sure if my husband knows this is an issue. I tell him things in spurts whenever I feel brave enough to share. I suppose it's time for another chat, but I don't feel brave enough. I've been talking with my therapist about this lately, too.

 

[Recovery4Me]

:hug:
It is ok to cry. It is ok to fear strangers. It is ok to want chips and coke. It is ok to feel a hot mess:wtf:. It is called, human. Be gentle on yourself. I often fell apart on littler & safer issues before handling the core issue that I was reaching towards in therapy. Baby steps sometimes are those little breaks of the dams allowing the flow to reach consciousness.

You are so steadily walking through & facing your pain. I believe in you. :hug:

 

[anthony]

You sound pretty stressed about something, or lots of things, that is for sure.