General Plant The Seeds Of Change And Watch Them Grow

[amethist]

We all know that if we give men very small hints and ideas of something, they soon come up with the full idea and make out it was all their own. This is what I have been doing with my husband these last few weeks.

I have been noticing how shabby our home is looking and it really does need some major TLC, but also know this is not high up on the list of things to do, but has to be done before it gets too bad for us to cope with.

So last week when I was cleaning our bathroom, I thought this has to be tackled first. It is not a big job compared to some and it can be done in bit over a week or so.

I told hubby that I had though of giving it a lick of paint and would he mind just cleaning and redoing the grouting. He looked at me and told me it was not that bad and it could wait a bit longer. Basically he was avoiding and ignoring how bad it was all getting.

I left it a few days then asked him if he we still had that tub of grout in the outhouse. He told me we had, plus the white gloss paint and ceiling paint was in there too.

The seed was sprouting. ;)

On Friday he reminded me we needed some grout cleaner, before he could re grout what was needed, and we had some filler to fill the small crack's in the walls, but we had no paint left to redo the walls. "No problem" I told him, "We can use whats left from the kitchen, it will go OK with the floor covering and bath mats"

Today he is going to fish it all out for me, so we can get started this week.

Next seed to be planted is the hall, stair's and landing, but I am going to need a heck of a big seed for that one. :roflmao:

 

[Sunshine71]

Brilliant! Thanks for sharing Amethist :O)

 

[Toria]

My memory is awful... but I do remember someone saying that their husband was better (in general) whilst he was re-furbing their bedroom. Think I've got that right! Mine is always better when he's planning something and doing something manual like that. In fact it played quite a large part in his diagnosis - the fact that he physically could not sit still and do nothing, and the fact that in the past six years he has basically taken our house to pieces and is only now starting to put it back together! He's got a fortnight off at the moment and so far we've had the plasterers in, he's painted the back bedroom, started on the attic this morning, is planning on putting down decking and clearing the gravel out of the front garden (it acts as a giant cat litter tray for the hundreds of neighbourhood cats!) before replacing the edging and filling it with chipped bark. The work seems to tire him mentally as well as physically - so you get watering that seed!!!!!!! x

 

[amethist]

:roflmao: Think I might have to put this seed into a slow growing medium.

He dragged me outside about an hour ago, to fish out all we needed to decorate the bathroom. Not liking spiders one bit, I had to go digging for all we needed.

Only problem we have now is, we do need to buy new grouting. As the tub we have is so old, it has gone off and stinks like an old drain. The lid had a split in it and water had got in. :eek:

He has now decide we will go down to the next village and buy some on Wednesday morning.

Looks like by this time next week bathroom will be completed.

All I need now is a bucket of motivation to write up the next report for his solicitor. Wonder if we can buy that on Wednesday too. :rolleyes:

 

[amethist]

I have just opened a fortune cookie on Facebook, it say's:-

"Much more grows in the garden than that which planted there".

:roflmao: Too spooky for words.

 

[intothelight]

Amethist,

Sometimes it is really hard with PTSD to know where to start. There is a tendency to look around and see "everything" , become overwhelmed and shut down. Having someone point things out, especially a starting point, is immensely helpful.

Sometimes just having that starting point and a plan can really make the difference, between being functional or shutting down. Glad to here it is working so well.

Deb

 

[ISupportHer]

I think there is truth to this. Sometimes the term "enabler" has a negative meaning. When it's used to enable someone's negative behavior. But it CAN be positive as we just plant the seed, or point in a direction, yet enable THEM to do things themselves, and not be the person stepping in all the time. And not just for PTSD. Far any relationship.

ISH

 

[IvyMillie]

That's pretty clever. Actually, my hints don't usually work. However, what does work for me, I have to take it a step further. I have to try and do it on my own--this is sad because I have no talent or abilities. When he sees me struggling and looking ever so pathetic he will take over.

I also agree that when he is busy he is much better. I don't think I can say happier because he never is really happy. Let's say satisfied. If he is working on something and it goes great that is the best. He doesn't always handle problems too well. I do think a busy guy is definetely better. :) It must be therapeutic to work with their hands and create something. Maybe just like for us girls shopping is our therapy sometimes--even if it is just window shopping.

 

[ISupportHer]

Hmmmm, do we call it "planting seeds" or passive aggressive behavior?

(just thinking out loud)

:laugh:

ISH

 

[amethist]

With men ISH it is planting seeds, then we women watch them root and wait for the idea to come from the men.

So if the same principal works with my PTSD husband, then I will keep going with it. :D