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Play Therapy For Adults Traumatized As Children

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passerine

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I'm curious if anybody on the forum has experience doing any sort of play therapy as an adult, particularly addressing aspects of childhood trauma. My therapist is a social worker who I know does play therapy with children and who has a shelf full of toys and games in his office that I am constantly looking over at and secretly wanting to play with. I haven't had the courage to say anything about it because I'm ashamed and embarrassed, but I really want to explore play in therapy as we start to delve deeper into my childhood.

Thoughts? Ideas?
 
I haven't specifically done play therapy though I do body/somatic focused therapy and my therapist has a shelf full of interesting toys and stuffed animals. It took some guts but I told her one day I sort of wanted to go look at a puppy on the shelf. That was completely cool and she offered to get it. I told her I wanted to get it. And oddly, that took an hour. I was scooting on the floor, stopping, crying, I couldn't even look at the puppy. When I got up to it I couldn't look at it or do anything but cry. My therapist offered to get it for me and I let her. I still don't totally know what that was about, but in a deep and general way...everything. My worst traumas were early childhood, like mostly before age 7 as far as I know (not that I remember much around those years). I don't do well with talk therapy, though sometimes I do need to talk and verbally process, and that's good. Either because of memory or age, the body and movement approach seems more helpful. And for me this involves some childish things. Now I often need to hang onto a stuffed animal when getting stressed in therapy and it's a step up for me. I used to have like zero access to self-soothing. I just had to self-destruct. So I'm sort of going backwards and hopefully developing those skills I never really had. We've also done some mirroring in a playful way, which felt like a safe way to communicate and connect early on...I had to watch her, copy what she was doing with her hands or whatever, and she had to watch me and follow. I liked that and even suggested trying that again one day when I felt really disconnected.
 
I did play therapy as a child until my mom quit taking me.

Now though, my current T encourages me to do a LOT of art therapy/journaling as a coping skill and a lot of hobbies (knitting, reading, etc). We also have used some cards in therapy once. SIMILAR to the old ink blot cards, but more modern. She also has some squishy toys in her office that she will hand me sometimes to feel and ground myself, but often I grab a pillow. We've done inner child work too..
 
One of my parts has played Mancala with my therapist. I do drawing sometimes or coloring as myself or as one of my parts. I always bring a teddy bear and my therapist recently brought in some blocks and a doll specifically for me. I know it's a little bit different for me since it's my parts that are doing some of the playing, but it does help them, which in turn helps me. I think when working through childhood trauma, it's okay to address the inner child part of you that wants to play. My part that plays Mancala will eventually feel at ease while playing and start to talk while playing- it makes it easier I guess. I don't know your therapist so I don't know how he'd react, but my hope is he would think it would be just fine.
 
I too want to play with the toys in my therapist's office but don't say anything. Once she had me pick from a basket of plastic animals as to which one I was and where I stood in relation to those close to me. I still want to play with the animals. I often bring a stuffed animal with me to therapy as a way of calming down.
 
I have just started to "play" in therapy. I am quite frozen in there and typically can't even turn my head but rather sit like a statue afraid to move; just as I did during my abuse. One day, I was really triggered when I went to see my T and out of the blue, picked up the big ball she has in her office and started bouncing it like crazy; doing this while it talked about being triggered. When I finally sat, I instantly picked up one of the toys on her coffee table and started playing with it. I have since bounced the ball at my next session and she had something ready for me to fidget with when I saw her at her other office last Thursday. It gets my body moving out of freeze mode and we are calling it our home made sensiormotor therapy!
 
My therapist doesn't see many children. There are no toys in the office but one night after I left therapy I went to the toy store and bought myself a teddy bear.

I sent him an email and told him that I did that and how I felt about it. Several weeks later I got up the courage to ask him if I could bring it and he encouraged it.

Now I bring my bear to every session. I don't always get it out but it is there if I need it.

But my favorite thing ever is a couple times my therapist has read children's books to me. At first I felt embarrassed that I liked it so much. Now I don't care because of how peaceful it is for me. I also have younger parts so it was very comforting.

Although the first time he read to me I sobbed and sobbed. I had read to my children many times but it is a different experience being read to. I had always wished for those moments I saw other kids have with their parents. It was very healing for me.

So we will often work on really hard stuff and then leave the last 15 minutes for something like that.

He has been on vacation for the last two weeks and knowing that I have nightmares and that bedtime is the hardest for me...he bought me a children's bedtime book. I have read it very night and only had a couple of nightmares since.

Sometimes at home I will color but I won't do it if my husband is around. Although I sleep with my bear and my husband has been very supportive and okay with it.

I think a lot of healing can be found in nurturing those younger parts and I am still figuring out how to do that.

Thank you for your post. I have looked on here for similar posts because I felt like I was the only one and I was too chicken to ask myself!
 
If you've been secretly super curious about some of the stuff your therapist has, could you bring it up? Do you have something in mind or a certain toy you are drawn to? My therapist notes whatever I'm doing, which is helpful. She probably saw me staring at the puppy and asked what I was looking at before I told her I was interested in it. Could you tell your therapist what you are interested in and see what unfolds, whether in terms of a sort of conversation or play or working out something non-verbally?
 
Though I didn't do "play therapy" per se, I did do several years of being the "Arts & Crafts Teacher" for Vacation Bible School. I found it beneficial because it actually took effort for me to accomplish the first year, and two more to "normalize" and loosen up.

A wise member, in after a meeting where I was stressing said, "Hey, ease up and relax... this is all about play. Take a play day... when is the last time you did that?" I thought about it and determined she was right. I took a day off... spread out all the activities and crafts for the different age groups on my living room floor, and "played". It helped me just as much as it did the children I was teaching.
 
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