Please Help Me

[Born2fightfire]

So I go to my shrink once every two weeks and he specializes in first responder ptsd. It has helped me tons. He's been there for me through the burn to charcoal people to the mutilated baby and much more. My fire department pays for my sessions is why I go not that often. My symptoms are getting worst. I'm seeing dead people, startle at little things, sweating like crazy in my sleep, hearing screams, and terrible night terrors through out the night. I need more help. I think about killing myself way to often. Can someone please give me advice on who I can go to for help? I'm not a coward but this isn't easy alone. Just have to keep praying.

 

[Friday]

Probably the most useful tool I've ever gotten is this

The PTSD Cup - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Explained

I've always said I have a finite capacity for stress, and I've used a helluva lot of -accidental- coping strategies over the years... But this article laid shit out in an Oh. ...Oh!... Kind of way that really let me start doing shit on purpose. Unbelievably, phenomenally helpful. Both in the day to day and long term.

 

[Born2fightfire]

Probably the most useful tool I've ever gotten is this

[URL='https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.83659/...

Thank you sir! Gives me a different view of this gnarly shit. Deffinetly helps me understand what I've been facing better.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

Yes definitely lower all stress levels when you are symptomatic with PTSD. I saw an interview of a psychologist who had witnessed people getting shot and dying all around him in Paris at the recent massacre. The reporter asked him how's he's doing. He said he has lots of symptoms of PTSD so he's slowed everything down in his life. He says his body is on overdrive and needs to keep a supreme sense of calm to recalibrate is whole system. He said he's making an effort to talk slower, he drives slower, he works shorter days...he does everything he can to keep his senses calm. I wish I had done that after trauma. Things may have gotten better for me more quickly had I had the wherewithal to slow my life down and reach out to others for support in the aftermath.

Don't isolate yourself. That's the worst thing you can do. Find an EMDR therapist. Memories like yours don't have to have so much power of you forever. There will come a time when you have the memory but it will only feel like you just saw it on TV. It won't always feel so visceral and wretched. I think EMDR is going to be best for you. No violent TV/games or anything until you feeling more centered and calm.

Thank you for your work as a firefighter keeping us all save. You are such a hero. Wish you didn't have to deal with this beast of PTSD.

 

[Seasounds]

Some other ideas:

• If your 'shrink is a psychiatrist you might ask this De. To adjust your meds.
• If your 'shrink' is a therapist, you may want to get a referral to a psychiatrist. Meds can help immensely, especially in getting through tough times.
• Sometimes symptoms get worse, when either more feelings need to be related to, or when a person returns to work or has increased stress.
• Making sure you feel good about yourself and that you are spending time with people who treat you with kindness is helpful-helping raise endorphins.
• Any trauma in your life before you were a firefighter? A recent trauma can open the flood gates to earlier traumas that we may not have been aware of.
• What activities make you worse or better? Pay attention for clues: what events stimulate negative or positive thoughts. From this information, you can adjust your life for your benefit.

Hope you get good ideas from the responses to your thread!

 

[Jacqueline1]

So I go to my shrink once every two weeks and he specializes in first responder ptsd. It has hel...

h my goodness that is such a heavy load to carry. you sound like you need a hug. I'm sorry. I'm here to listen. Is there any kind of group therapy you could go to as well. The people on this site are wonderful you will find everyone is kind compassionate helpful and can also make you laugh again. They have a great sense of humor. I am praying for you. Please know your not alone here. I found so much comfort here I hope you do to. sincerely Jacqueline

 

[Seasounds]

Yes, I agree with the above thread. It would be very helpful to get more contact with a group or more visits-at least weekly with your shrink.

Believe it or not, many Alanon and AA members have a history of trauma. Even though their trauma is not exactly like yours, it is trauma. i found out that I was not Alone. And being able to be with others, I eventually noticed that groups helped me not feel so panicked. Dimly Google AA and Alanon meetings; I recommend that you go to a few different meetings to find a group of people that you relax with.

It took me time to gain conforms with these groups, and be grateful that they understood trauma. My experience is that AA members more readily relate to 'hitting a bottom' like you describe. Going up to people after the meeting, and having a personal conversation was the best part; go to coffee with them.

Your profession, firefighting, due to the level of focus on surviving dangerous circumstances and saving lives, may not understand trauma, and the level of support and that it takes to heal; everyone heals on their own individual schedule. And there comes a point when a person can't just 'shut out' the trauma thoughts-suicdal, and related depression.

I support you to recognize your symptoms are showing that you are deserving of more help. Most people need more help to get through trauma. You are not alone, here.

 

[Born2fightfire]

Thank you guys so very much! All the responses are very helpful and appreciated!

 

[donethat]

When I first imploded with ptsd, I had a constant movie of all the trauma I had ever worked ,playing 24 hours a day for 3 weeks. The med. Trazadone stopped all that and turned them into normal rockwell type, slow moving movies....and I slept !
Long after that, EMDR was the single best treatment for me.
In the mean time, remind yourself that you did not cause...any of the the events you work, are trained for and love. You just respond to the "fires" and put them out. The world would not need heroes if there was no trauma/fires. And you are a hero.
If you are still "working", try to casually get crew members to open up about what they are feeling after each call. Kind of and instant casual "critical incident stress debriefing". I hope you have CISD available in your department, if not perhaps you can work on that.

You must get the current dreams, pictures etc. in control first. You must be able to talk about it all with somebody. Email if you need and ear.

Remember PTSD, is caused by "stuffing" all that bad stuff that most can't imagine....into a secret and buried file we create deep within our brains...because we can not do our jobs if we can't get past the blood, guts and screaming. If buried for years and years, it is much harder to recover from. So it is vital that you manage your symptoms now before you do bury them in that deep place.

 

[Mytime]

My husband is a first responder as well.
He did EMDR in therapy.
He has a little container in his pocket that has a smelly wax in it.
If he starts to have a flashback, he smells it and it brings he back and grounds him.
After work, most times he takes time for himself and does something he enjoys. ( self care)
If he has a nightmare, I'm there to support him through it.
If he has a bad call, we talk through it.
Talking through his calls I think helps him process it. I will ask him questions, if I feel he's defecting the calls on himself.

Your job is hard. Your seeing people in their worst moments in life. It hard to not internalize their pain and tramua. Sometimes their looking at you for the answers and there really is no answer.
Most of all, your coming in after the impact of tramua. You guys and girls have the personality to help save and protect.
Help- you can help people when the
situations are help able.
Save- you can save people when the
Situation is save able.
Protect-you can protect people by
Educating them on fire
safety,ect. You can protect
people in the middle and
end of their experience.
But not the beginning. Sending you support when you need it. Thanks for the great job you do:)

Sorry if at anytime I came across as disrespecting anyone in my wording of this post.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am not a first responder but I do have experience with the *once alive and now not alive* stuff. It's HARD! That I know.

What I do when it acts up at it's highest is:

• If It's not too too bad, I can remind myself that I am home, safe, in bed.
• If I am home I will find my alive animals and play with them, pet them, snuggle them, listen to them breath. And basically ANYTHING to remind me of alive stuff.
• I will distract any possible way I can. I use DBT distracting tools.
• And will self soothe using DBT self soothing techniques.

I am sure it is different and there are times where nothing works and I'm in a ball rocking myself. But if I can help it in any way, I am going to try.

Sorry you are going through this! :hug: