Poa, No Will, Lawyer Etc.

[lostforgottensoul]

you want the bank to know that there should be no activity in her account

Her account is frozen. I think all of her assets are. Likely by the State since the DPOA is no longer effective and there was no will, the State pays all debit with assets first before the heirs can do anything. Actually, because her account got frozen, she cant be cremated yet as that was being paid by her apparently.

I dont have contact with these family members and have no clue whom the bank is or anything. Im getting info from my dad as he gets it from my brother.

My brother already knew to look at for my aunt claiming that my mom owed her money so it doesnt get classified as debt. She was a caretaker there at the end so i bet she will try something. She was like a sucker fish on my mom and blocked everyone else. Thank god my brother knew to dig into this as i never thought to.

 

[scout86]

All of this stuff varies from state to state. (I ended up hiring a lawyer to deal with my brother when our mom died & he was worth every penny, but he also came highly recommended,) I second the "let your brother do what he's doing", as long as you trust him. Whether she has a will or not, the bills will have to get paid first. If she has a will, that generally determines how the assets are divided, if there's anything left. The person with POA, technically, doesn't get to decide who gets what, they have the responsibility for making sure stuff gets done. Your aunt spending your mom's money on beer and pretzels (for example) amounts to a kind of embezzling although it can be hard to prove. Technically, she should be keeping receipts and records of where the money came from and how it's spent. Unless there's a bunch of money involved, fighting over it is often more trouble than it's worth.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

as long as you trust him.

I do. I dont his wife but he's down here by himself so i dont know.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My brother's laywer is having me sign a document to transfer my mom's SUV into my name & his name so we can control what happens to it.

He seems to be ok with giving it to me but i do want to see it, drive it etc but any free car is good as either or (mine currently or hers) can be sold. He is also wanting sell the remainder of her posessions which im ok with ('cept if i can get that sword from Spain that would be great) and then he wants to split all remaining money 50/50 with me.

I have a bad feeling that she was making at least a small amount of money on my videos... :(

 

[sedna]

My brother's laywer is having me sign a document to transfer my mom's SUV into my name & his...

Make sure that you have a formal list of all the possessions for sale and are informed of how they are going to be evaluated and priced. The documentation of the sales etc.

If its just a craigslist thing or an estate sale, if you're not there he can just hand you whatever amount of money after and call it half. Hate to be so pessimistic but it never hurts to be cautious.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Do you have access to Legal Aide in your state?
A durable power of attorney is a document in cement unless you contest this in court, I think.
I am glad you got the suv and I hope you get the sword and any other items that have meaning for you. I also think that you have to have a certified death certificate as well and I hate that you have to deal with this quagmire so early. Hang in there, your brother sounds like a fine man.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Hate to be so pessimistic but it never hurts to be cautious.

No you're fine. I think he is thinking of bringing it up to MI to sell but not sure. I know he was talking about driving the car back up to MI to get more money for it before he knew i needed a new car.

I think right now him and his lawyer is just trying to gain legal posession of everything first.

A durable power of attorney is a document in cement unless you contest this in court, I think.

In Florida, DPOAs are only effective while the person is alive, once they die the DPOA dies with them. The will is next, if no will the State uses all and any assets to pay debts and once paid it goes to the next heirs in line by Florida Statue which is my brother and I. Her sister has zero claim by Florida law:

Link Removed

 

[Deleted member 12723]

That is a huge relief and good to know. Thanks for defining the situation for me.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My brother decided not to give me the SUV and is going to drive it to MI (if he gets it) to sell it. Apparently my mom doesnt take care of cars though im not sure which one (mine or that one) is in worst shape as i havent seen it. I dont know why he doesnt choose a day im off and can drive up to Gainsville to look. My dad told him about my car but my dad doesnt know everything and how much money ive already sunk into my car. But whatever.

He is putting everything into storage though.

Also, if the assets (all money in her bank account, the sum total of all her possessions including the SUV) is over $7,000 then he must het a laywer (guess he hasnt yet) and it goes into probate and he will need to pay $1,500. Im not sure if any of that is worth it. I mean, I can see, after selling it all, being a few grand (though i could use a grand or so) but my brother may be paying out more than his share. I wonder if i should offer to pay for some of his flight cost and possible probabte split the $1,500 cost if it goes to probabte. That way its more fair since he's doing all the work (though he has way more money than me).

What we dont know yet is how much money she has in the bank. That will be the deciding factor. Remember that the State pays all debts first. My dad keeps saying that she made a dying declaration that she wanted everything she owned to be split between my brother and I but i dont think that matters here without an actual will.

Anyway, thats the lastest on that. On the emotional front, Im back to numb. I keep getting these flashes though. Not really flashbacks but more flashes of memory that come & go very fast of very younger years. Much younger. Most not good though some are. Its effecting my job.

Im getting these strong almost auto pilot ritual urges. I keep reciting the cult's "bible" over and over. I am back to seducing as many men as I can and cutting myself there as punishment. Im going into the shower every night to "bleach myself". Also not allowing myself to brush my teeth. "Animals dont brush their teeth".

:( that's all so embarrasing to say...

 

[Deleted member 541]

Ok @lostforgottensoul ... I understand that your mothers death, the financial shit, the emotional strain, and everything has caused you to backtrack with your healing. But you are way more deserving than the treatment that you are putting yourself through right now. You've been through enough shit in your life that you really don't need to bring on anymore abuse to yourself.

Try whatever you need, to regain some sort of "healthy" behavior. Do whatever to be kind to yourself, because you've already had a shitload of abuse and don't need self imposed abuse. Call a therapist, get pissed at whomever you want, (including me) if it will make you wake up and stop hurting yourself.

What all of us need to TRY and remember is this... We've been through enough shit in our lives, that self abuse just isn't an option anymore. That all of us need to find a way to stop inflicting self abuse.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@She Cat, I hear you and do wish it were that easy. I remember when I first came to this site and people were saying just dont do it, get rid of your dog (which im so very happy i didnt and im not doing that ritual; just so no one jumps to conclusions cuz it was a big thing on the site) but anyway, when i was orgainlly doing them, I couldnt just stop. It stopped over time through a shit ton of processing and steps foward. The cult still has a small hold on me but the good thing is, i did make previous ginormous steps foward so its not near as strong as it was orginally.

I think its that small hold thats making all the cult stuff come back and its "junk" that i hadnt worked through previously that i now have to.

Cant call my therapist, he's in Chicago until the 3rd but i'll be ok. Im doing as much of DBT distraction and self soothing techniques as I can (another thing i didnt have first time around).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My mom's SUV is a 2002, a year younger than my car, has 130,000 miles on it (all info given to me for me to agree its worse than mine & basically junk), my car has almost 190,000 miles on it, has trouble starting at times, has trouble knowing its in the correct gear or going into reverse sometime (not often but does happen and i hope its the clutch) and my car will likely go out before that one.

I havent even gotten to see it. If i were doing this, with an even 50/50 decision, id at least let them see the f*cking car before deciding to sell it but would also say "well come see the car and we'll get together and talk about it" <--- that's fair!

What he is doing, without me offering, is taking his expenses (already up to $1,000) of flying down and doing all of this out of the money left them splitting that in half (though i doubt i'll see a dime) and im cool with that, he's doing all the leg work. But im not cool with him making all final decisions...all decisions completely as though he promised to call me, he hasnt.

What mom said was "I want you and [me] to each have half of what i have and own". Thats not half. Thats controling it all completely making all decisons by yourself without any input for me to ensure you get the most amount of money without thinking of me.

They are all saying to take the half minus expenaes i get and buy a much better one. If i wanted to spend my nest egg I would have already (and will if im forced to) but thats a free car no matter how much "junk" it is.

My dad said without the car there isnt much left and my brother is out a bunch of money...BUT I didnt ask him to do this and all i asked.for was the car and told him to keep the rest. If she had a lot of money id higher my own laywer but she doesnt have enough to care. Just pisses me off the way he did this. Greedy bastered that makes double i do. If it was really a piece of junk he wouldnt be driving it from Florida to Michigan. And im positive irs in better shape than my own car.

I mean at least call ME and talk about it with ME, not our dad whom agrees with my brother 100% of the time because my dad worships the ground he walks on.

I didnt expect anything from my mom's death (oh and her cermation & memorial comes out of that money too), but damn, if im a 50/50 heir then at least f*cking call me and have a conversation about it!

ETA: I got her ugly ass china (ah, dont have to buy goodwill china to break ;)) and her f*cking tooth brush. Thanks! :tup::wtf: