Positive Vibes Or The Ptsd Yarn Barn Bar. Greatest Moments.

[Wagon]

Ha Ha Haaaaa. Having some bad sleep myself these days.

But this stuff is really starting to crack me up. I do remember trying to have fun as much as possible. There was no choice. 1500 swinging dicks on 800ft of steel for months on end. You have to have some fun. Otherwise you completely lose your shit. Some did. They get a suicide watch, and special helicopter service the next day. nobody is any the wiser, they just disappeared.

We had an intercom on the ship called the 1MC. Used to announce everything ship wide. The finest moment for our department was when we figured out how to circumvent what gets announced on the 1MC.

We were located on the bridge, so we were opposite the Bosun of the Watch, the guy that does the announcing on the 1MC. We had regular telephones at every position on the ship. Just like regular home telephones, only no tracing. Archaic shit.but probably over 3000 telephones on the ship...... making for much fun. No tracing....

1. Exactly 30 seconds after casting off and announcing "underway" One of our team on the other side of the bridge would call the Bosun and ask if we could start dumping trash. Of course disguised as a galley hand just to breed the hatred. Much cursing would erupt and sometimes an offficer would ask WTF. (FYI you can't dump trash at the dock only 200 miles at sea.... old days)

2. We disliked the Postal Clerks....everyone did. Even the Officers. So..... Every time a helicopter landed, someone would call the Bosun and pose as a Senior Postal Clerk and ask that "Mail Call!!!" was announced.

Upon which 45 people would turn up at the Post Office and start to curse at them, because they did not have any mail. Fun stuff. It passed the time nice

 

[Sarg]

We, four or five of us were sitting at a table t the Corsaire Club, downtown Ubon. We were all smashed. The guy next to me is rubing an empty Seagrams bottle furiously against his pant leg and hands. So, I ask him and says if you get the bottle all heated up, take your thumb off and light the top with a cigerte lighter a big long flame will shoot out. He gets ready, pulls his thumb off and one of us lit it. Sure enough, a long, blue flame shoots out, sounding like a jet engine.

Only problem is, he didn't move his thumb out of the way. So there we are, looking at this guy's thumb that is now smoking. He looks at me and then the strangest look spread across his face. Then he jumped up and started jumping around and screaming.

We al fell out of our chairs and rolled around laughing our asses off. You should have seen his bandage the next day, size of a tennis ball.

What a hoot!

Sarg

 

[Jroocan]

OIF 2, 2004. I was with in a CAAT platoon with 2/7 Wpns Co and we were in an Observation Post. Tanks were attatched to us for support. I drove the Humvee to a good spot and parked it for security. Time passes and we are given the order to move out. I reversed the Humvee (without looking back) right into an M1Abrams tank! haha! It scared the shit out of me, and more so the tankers b/c they thought they were hit or something! I scratched their fresh paint, they were a little upset but it provided a great laugh! I'm probably the only jackass who has backed into a f*cking TANK! haha! I remember telling my platoon sergeant "I didn't see it" haha

 

[Wagon]

My Beloved Navigator had some great quotes....even though idiotic. When he was new, first time on the bridge pulling out of Norfolk it was dead fog. Standard procedure is to turn Navigation over to radar plot and take their recommendations.....But not this time...... The Captain also was not the coolest cucumber, so panic set in quick.

After the first turn, we almost hit an Aircraft Carrier in bound, destroyed a channel bouy and "partially" ran aground.

Captain: Joe!!! where are we Joe!!!
Navigator: How am I supposed to know where we are if we are lost?

Another great source of entertainment was the Navigation briefs prior to entering port. Courtesy of the Navigator. Only time us enlisted pukes were allowed in the ward room.

The Navigator is giving his song and dance when somebody asks what the bottom is like at the anchorage.(you know rock, sand, etc) We wrote the briefing so everything was right there in front of him, but he answers....Uh I think the bottom is vegetable matter. To which the XO asks. Would that be peas and carrots or the more leafy type....important..

Wagon

 

[Fargo1]

OMG I litterally pissed my pants laughing reading that Wagon. I was a QM back in the day before the USCG rolled QMs and BMs into the same rate...hated that one. I have sat through way too many Nav Briefs that went way too much like that one. Vegetable matter. Jesus.

 

[Fargo1]

Alright, here is one from the shipyard. My ship USCGC Sweetbrier (WLB-405) international call sign NODX. Well we were scrapping and re-painting the flying bridge, taping out patterns in the deck and I tell our FNG to tape out our international call sign on the deck, put on one coat of paint, sprinkle sand over it and let it dry. Then put two finish coats on it by the end of the day. I then start running around doing all of the other things on my todo list that day.

At the end of the day I go to the flying bridge to look at his handy work and what is taped out and flawlessly painted on the deck? NO DICKS... When he did not know our international some wise guy told him the unofficial version...

>>smacks forehead<<

 

[Wagon]

Hey Fargo. Funny as hell. Hahahaahahaha. Great stuff. Yup QM2 that was me. I think they have rolled that in with Signalmen now. Which is also a candidate to roll into RM. And then they'll split it all back up again....... But BM. Come on. Just because you can blow a whistle and tie a know doesn't mean you can Navigate. I had allot of deck friends, but there is no way I would let any one of them touch the sextant.

I just realized something. I've been backward projecting allot of hate towards my old Navigator and then I remembered something. He had a really strange military career for a LCDR in the Navy. He started out as a soldier in Vietnam...... He probably had PTSD.

It really fits now. He had absolutely no tolerance for us or any of the Junior Officers. He yelled constantly. His greeting to us on watch was "So where the f*ck are we huh? Do you know what the f*ck you are doing?" He had no friends of his own rank and the Senior Officers disliked him. Junior Officers were genuinely afraid of him. Running scared. I think he sat in his cabin in port. Never saw him out.

But it was useful, because any time you had a problem with a Junior Officer on the bridge all you had to do is say "Well, Mr. Blank, I can always wake up the "Gator". That did it. Worse than calling the Captain. No more argument.

Wonder what else is laying about in this head of mine..............

NODX... Great!! ours was NEGX.

Wagon