DogwoodTree
Platinum Member
What is the primary purpose of therapy?
I worked so hard and so long to fix myself, to grab hold of every possibility and make it work for me, mostly on my own but sometimes asking for tidbits of help. That wasn't working, so I guess I went into therapy to counterbalance that, thinking its purpose was to work under the guidance of someone else, creating a safe place, predictable, where I could slowly get used to the idea of letting things out that I've protected inside for so long, and do the work of becoming more vulnerable, and have those things received in a safe way, a way that felt comforting, that relieved the pressure inside, so those things wouldn't bother me anymore.
But maybe I've got the wrong idea. Maybe the real purpose is to challenge me, and challenge my ways of thinking and acting and reacting.
If I were to compare psychotherapy to something like physical therapy or occupational therapy...those therapies aren't comfortable, either. You don't go in for someone to set you down in a padded bed with tons of pillows to make you feel as comfortable as possible. You go in to be stretched and pulled and pushed to where you're almost at your limit, at a pace that the professionals, from their expertise, believe is appropriate for you.
My pastor is recovering from a stroke, and he said that his physical therapists told him that if he came in with guns blazing to knock everyone down with his determination, he would actually be in there longer than necessary because he would push himself too hard and hurt himself. There's supposed to be slow, steady pressure to push him towards improvement at the rate his body can heal.
I think I've taken the "guns blazing" approach to recovery for so long, and maybe tried to back off of that in certain ways to where it's now a really strange mixture of "guns blazing" and a more cynical, defeatist mentality...it feels like I'm flying through a thick fog with no sense at all of where I'm going anymore or how to get there, or which way is up, or how close I am to the ground.
So...I don't know where I'm going with this post, either. :shifty: I guess I'm just trying to adapt expectations to the way things have been going in therapy so that I can get better, not worse. I wanted connection and comfort. But I guess if challenge is what they're offering, I know from experience that I can learn from challenges, too. It just takes a different mindset. And, I'm not sure what happens, then, to the parts inside that are hurting so much.
I think, what scares me the most about tackling the challenges, is that I'll fall back into that very well-developed coping defense of putting forward a very capable front that hides the struggle underneath, even from me. :speechless: I can act the part. But I don't want to act. I want the healing to be real this time.
I worked so hard and so long to fix myself, to grab hold of every possibility and make it work for me, mostly on my own but sometimes asking for tidbits of help. That wasn't working, so I guess I went into therapy to counterbalance that, thinking its purpose was to work under the guidance of someone else, creating a safe place, predictable, where I could slowly get used to the idea of letting things out that I've protected inside for so long, and do the work of becoming more vulnerable, and have those things received in a safe way, a way that felt comforting, that relieved the pressure inside, so those things wouldn't bother me anymore.
But maybe I've got the wrong idea. Maybe the real purpose is to challenge me, and challenge my ways of thinking and acting and reacting.
If I were to compare psychotherapy to something like physical therapy or occupational therapy...those therapies aren't comfortable, either. You don't go in for someone to set you down in a padded bed with tons of pillows to make you feel as comfortable as possible. You go in to be stretched and pulled and pushed to where you're almost at your limit, at a pace that the professionals, from their expertise, believe is appropriate for you.
My pastor is recovering from a stroke, and he said that his physical therapists told him that if he came in with guns blazing to knock everyone down with his determination, he would actually be in there longer than necessary because he would push himself too hard and hurt himself. There's supposed to be slow, steady pressure to push him towards improvement at the rate his body can heal.
I think I've taken the "guns blazing" approach to recovery for so long, and maybe tried to back off of that in certain ways to where it's now a really strange mixture of "guns blazing" and a more cynical, defeatist mentality...it feels like I'm flying through a thick fog with no sense at all of where I'm going anymore or how to get there, or which way is up, or how close I am to the ground.
So...I don't know where I'm going with this post, either. :shifty: I guess I'm just trying to adapt expectations to the way things have been going in therapy so that I can get better, not worse. I wanted connection and comfort. But I guess if challenge is what they're offering, I know from experience that I can learn from challenges, too. It just takes a different mindset. And, I'm not sure what happens, then, to the parts inside that are hurting so much.
I think, what scares me the most about tackling the challenges, is that I'll fall back into that very well-developed coping defense of putting forward a very capable front that hides the struggle underneath, even from me. :speechless: I can act the part. But I don't want to act. I want the healing to be real this time.
