Prison Walls

[Blondie]

From the outside it may not look like a prison.
From the outside I look like everyone else.
No barbed-wire topped walls.
No guard towers to prevent escape.
They aren't needed. The walls stretch.
When I move, they move.
Always keeping me inside.
Sometimes even from the inside I get confused.
And hurl myself blindly against the walls.
But the walls stand.

I am so tired of this prison of PTSD I live in.

 

[Jade-]

I totally relate. I think all we can do is find an escape route.

 

[Sethe]

There's a trapdoor in the floor hidden under the dust and debris.

 

[Jade-]

The problem though Sethe is once you go through the trapdoor there's a tunnel. Then you have to decide which direction to go.

 

[LeoTheLion]

I can related to this too. I do also feel like I am prison inside even not outside of me. Good Posting!

 

[Sethe]

The problem though Sethe is once you go through the trapdoor there's a tunnel. Then you have to decide which direction to go.

That may be the case- and sometimes the tunnel leads back to the cell. And sometimes, the tunnel can take you away (even if it is just an inch) from the cell.

Maybe it's the scraps of hope that filter my brain which encourage me to think of trapdoors... I'd like to think there's something there.

*crosses fingers*

 

[Tinyflame]

A window

 

[Jade-]

A window

Is there a window in your prison Junebug? Must be nice to open it every now and then and climb out.....even though you're shackled and can't leave for good.

There's no window in mine. Just the trapdoor, which leads to a tunnel, then the tunnel divides off and I'm always so confused I don't know which direction to go. Then I always end up right back where I started because I'm too afraid to take a chance.....

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jadebear I hear you.

I think after 28 years of this someone else helped make a window for me. No, I wouldn't say it's big enough to climb out of, but it definitely brings some light and air in.

It reminds me of a story I heard once Jadebear, about a guy in a prison- a real hell. His borther, then his best friend, then his boss, all went to the warden and asked he be let out- no luck. Then someone came and asked instead to be let in with him.

Do not give up Jadebear, I have been there- where no soul on earth should have to go- and I know you have been there too.
When you are ready if you can choose the kindest, gentlest rode you've never taken before. Not what we 'know'- but what we would want those we care about to choose-choose the same, "just because". Sometimes I think the hardest battle in our lives will be to change the perceptions of ourselves into kinder ones, and to hope.

All I know is you have lots of wisdom Jadebear, and you are supposed to be here.

 

[Blondie]

thank you Jadebear..........I am trying really hard to find my escape route........just haven't been able to yet. And Junebug.......if I had a window I could fly out of....wow. Anyway thank you for your kind responses.........just struggling these days.