Problems In Therapy (again)

[scout86]

I'm beginning to suspect that one of the reasons my T WANTS me to email him is that, if I take the time to write stuff down, I also take the time to think it through. In his office, it's pretty common that I can't think of anything to say, or can't find the words to say something, etc. Email helps that process a lot, for me anyway, and, I would think, a lot of people. So, too bad your T apparently isn't in to that approach! But, for all the same reasons, if I was you, I would sit down and write out what you want to talk about. You could bring it along. Or, you could just take a list of bullet points, so you can remember what you want to cover, or something like that.

I think it's important that you talk through all your concerns and make sure you know what her point of view really is. That's the only way I can see that you can decide what's going on. You know, what ever happens with therapy and this person, just going through this process may be a valuable experience. You are learning how to express your self and ask for what you need. Those are valuable skills!

It's almost funny to think that someone can be "too emotional" while I am, apparently, "not emotional enough". (Not something my T said, or would endorse, just that way it sounds to me.) Maybe we should get together and average things out, between the 2 of us, we might be "ok"! :wideeyed:

 

[macca]

Well, I sent her a short text, saying that if I am Histrionic, then it brings everything into question for me, including my fear, and that I am uncomfortable about coming to session, particularly a double session (the EMDR). I asked for a regular session, if that wouldn't be too inconvenient.

She rang me and clarified over the phone. Thank goodness! She said that she did not mean it diagnostically, that she used the word in a general way to say that my emotions are intense, (outside of my awareness), that it indicated to her that there had been significant emotional neglect for my brain to wire itself that way as a default. She clarified that she did not mean it as a personality disorder, or that I had personality disorder tendencies, or anything like that. I am very relieved, even though I shouldn't be, as nobody chooses to end up with a personality disorder, it's the environment you grow up in.

I had ended up before the call questioning my knowledge of myself, second guessing every reaction in case I was overdoing it, and freaked out - in effect I was actually doing what she said I did, and reacting very strongly. Not with awareness, but just because of my emotional setting being weird. I also thought it might mean that I was reacting with more fear than I should have been, (re the core PTSD issue), but she said that she thinks that is a big part of what's behind it. So I will do the EMDR after all.

Perhaps I am too keenly looking for signs of negative reactions or rejection. There was a lot of that in my childhood, and I probably am too sensitive to it.

Lol Scout - evening out our emotional responses would be good if we could only manage it!

I do feel like such a boofhead. It was doing my head in, but I feel a lot better than I did. Thanks to all of you.

 

[scout86]

Perhaps I am too keenly looking for signs of negative reactions or rejection. There was a lot of that in my childhood, and I probably am too sensitive to it.

macca, I think that comment shows a lot of insight. I'm glad you sent the text and had the conversation I'm also glad your t called you. I think that shows concern and awareness on her part. Sometimes, in the learning process, I think we actually have to confront things like this to learn how to work through them. Sounds to me like you've done that. Glad you're feeling better, good luck with the EMDR!