Processing burnout

[somerandomguy]

A few weeks ago I had some kind of a breakthrough and since then I've been processing my issues at a tremendous rate. New insights into my situation and trauma are popping up pretty much constantly.

It's good, and it's been very helpful, but I am feeling a little exhausted. I'm trying to do a lot of self-care but it's as if after being stuck for many years my mind wants to get it out all at once. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night with something new and I won't be able to go back to sleep. It's also pretty destracting at work.

In a way, I'm also afraid that if I don't keep constantly processing this, I'll slip back into the miserable stuck place where I was for so long.

Has anyone been here? How did you deal with this?

 

[frogthroat]

I'm there right now and I've been feeling so overwhelmed and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I began to be sexually abused from a much younger age then I originally thought - probably my whole life until almost 15. I actually have been so stuck I've been feeling like there's not anyway out of it but that's part of the processing. All these things coming forward bother me and make me tired. I'm not as emotionally resilient as usual.
I had to make a list of negative things I tell myself and the positive and one of the the negatives was "Everything hurts so bad." She told me there has to be moments where I don't hurt like when I'm at work or I'm doing some other thing and I told her that's true. It's really not all the time like I thought.
My point is that if you're worried about getting stuck you're not going to let yourself get stuck. Sometimes when it's painful progress feels like you're back at square one. If the memories are waking you up the processing has already begun. Maybe give yourself a break from trying unjumble everything. T said the past is over and you can relearn everything how to have relationships, learning new things etc. Nothing is as hopeless as it feels. I get new tasks to every week like journaling, drawing. This week I'm supposed to go outside and walk even if it's for 5 minutes.
Don't get me wrong. There are times when I remember something and I want to die but I think if you just continually do things to improve your situation even tiny things you'll feel better even things you don't want to do. When you live everyday life as much as you can memories lose their power. I can't do this all the time. I have weeks sometimes where all I do is function at minimum. I try not to beat myself up for it. I hope that helps. It was kind of a rambling post.

 

[somerandomguy]

@frogthroat It was very helpful. Thank you.

if you're worried about getting stuck you're not going to let yourself get stuck

I hope so. This gives me a lot of hope.

Maybe give yourself a break from trying unjumble everything.

I'd like to, but my brain doesn't wanna!

 

[ladee]

Once this part is set in motion... it continues. It does slow down. Try not to 'make sense of it' or put labels, or attach a lot of meaning to it... It will come back, calmer , when time to really do the processing.. it does feel very overwhelming, but it also shows how much incredible work you have done, that you are ready... we never 'feel' ready, but it happens nonetheless... maybe writing some of it down will help...

It's a lot of hard work that got you here. Be proud... And be kind to your self.... respect sent to you !!

 

[somerandomguy]

Thanks @ladee - I think writing about this in my trauma diary and sharing parts of it with loved ones is what is keeping the train moving. It like my new favorite book "journey through Trauma" says, it's like assembling a whole bunch of jigsaw puzzles all at the same time. My brain is really in a hurry to put them all together all at once, it seems. But I'm trying to be mindful at the same time so I can still live my everyday life.

 

[Freida]

Been there ---- I feel like I'm drowning in the memories when they come back all at once. It's like a damn breaks and I can't decide if I need to let it flow or dam it back up. So far my success at keeping my sanity is 100% (though I sometimes wonder!)

Like the others said -- self care self care self care. Don't try to fight it. I know -easier said than done. But the less energy you expend fighting it the easier it will be. (and if you figure out how to do that let me know! :))

 

[ladee]

And you are working on a good balance, the balance that is right for you. That is awesome to read. It is very hard when we get 'flooded'... but seems you have a clue where your 'duckies' are... Not necessarily trying to get them in a row, but acknowledging them.... and being aware when you are wearing your self out... Awareness changes everything... you are doing an awesome job with your healing journey. I know it doesn't feel that way at times... but what the hell do we REALLY know about feelings anyway... :rolleyes: We get so tired of hearing, 'feelings aren't facts'.... but I promise you, there does come a time, that you will trust your feelings, and know in many cases, yes, they are facts... because you have done the work you are doing now... learning and unlearning.... Much respect sent your way.... is it ok to say I am proud of you???

 

[somerandomguy]

@ladee ... aw, thanks. :)

Much respect sent your way.... is it ok to say I am proud of you???

Sure - reading that means a lot to me. :D

 

[ladee]

Great... proud of you @somerandomguy !!! This is not a journey for sissies.... but learning to be vulnerable at the same time.... so confusing sometimes... but we are not alone... and that makes it a little easier....