Relationship Progress

[Dallas]

Watch a good movie tonight (no love stories though!). Get a good nights sleep. Get up tomorrow if you don't have to work and go for a run or do some exercise. Then clean your house, and organize all your paperwork. Start making lists of goals you want to accomplish FOR YOUR SELF and start working on them. Plan a trip for yourself ( I want to go to Israel, but not in this political climate) and figure out ways to start saving for that.

You have no choice. You cannot have him arrested and have them bring him to your house. For whatever reason, which 99.999% has nothing to do with you, he cannot be with you right now. You have to respect that and let him go. He will be fine. So will you. Let him heal however he needs to heal.

This disease has taught me great lessons in respect and humility. It has forced me to learn we have no control over anyone but ourselves. It has forced me to learn to respect other people's needs and wishes and desires. It has forced me to attend to my own life and healing and taking responsibility for making my own life, to make it the very best it can be. It has forced me to focus on God and how I can serve Him to the best of my ability and learn to put GOD first in my life, not my man over God which is idolatry and blasphemy.

Praying peace and blessings for you and your loved one-

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

Being a PTSD supporter is like being enrolled in a graduate-level Al-Anon class. Lol!

Unless you have that co-dependent/enabler thing firmly in the bag and have good control over it, it will be a very tough row to hoe.

I have struggled my entire adult life with being an enabler. I am 51 years old. It takes constant work every day to be vigilant against those tendencies. I thought I was done with all those relationships...lol! Then I met B. God sure does love to test us and see how our progress is coming along, doesn't he! lol!

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Lovemyman]

yea wow, we have a lot in common, my last ex husband is a drug addict and it was very physically and emotionally abusive. It lasted for 7 years and I thought I was through with that also. Although my man has never even raised his voice or a hand or gotten upset with me, I really thought it was all ok. I do love him more than anything and am willing to help him through this but I've got to be able to talk to him so he will know this that my mind hasn't changed even though he up and moved everything out including his stuff.

 

[Dallas]

He already knows you love him. You don't need to contact him to tell him that.

 

[LoveHimThroughThis]

I think you need to realize that, as impossibly difficult as it sounds, in order to love and support him, you are going to have to accept that he needs to be able to be selfish sometimes too. Sitting here posting constantly about NEEDING to see/talk to him isn't conducive to anything positive. You are keeping yourself worked up and there is no relief from that.

Take the advice given, do something productive, start a new hobby or plan something positive for YOU. By everything you have described about him as a loving, wonderful, considerate man, when he is ready, when he has dealt with what he needs to, he will return to you. You keeping yourself in a constant state of crazy about it not only isn't good for you, it doesn't present a very welcoming image for him.

 

[Lovemyman]

Thanks and I'm sure you guys are right since y'all have gone through this or are going through this. This is all new to me and so totally unexpected that it has thrown me for a loop. I am trying hard and at times it's easier than other times.