*Gaslighting is when someone denies actual occurrences in order to make another person doubt themselves, possibly to the point where they believe they are going crazy.**
Hello! I've been a long time lurker and with my ex boyfriend going overseas as a contractor, I'm here to get information and stories. I hope many of which will help me make a decision on whether or not I'm going to stay by his side and try a relationship when he gets back or move on with my life during this time of separation.
I could give you all the background, but I won't. Suffice to say that he has PTSD. He was diagnosed when he got home from Iraq about 2 1/2 years ago. I had met him just after he got back. I didn't know his personality before he went over so I'm not sure of any changes that he may have undergone as a result of combat. I didn't find out he had PTSD until we started getting more serious, about a year into knowing him.
Anyhow, when he gets stressed he does this thing where he literally outright lies about stuff. Recently, we were in a store and he did this thing where he looked back at me, winked and walked down the aisle to get his item. When I asked him "what was the wink for," he snapped back that I was crazy and that he never did that. :O_o:
We used to live together and his VA mail came to the house. He was in the process of filing for disability so the VA mail was important. If he wasn't home, I'd call him and tell him he had VA mail and he'd tell me to open it and read it to him. In one of those letters they said he needed to come in and get follow up because they diagnosed him with TBI as well as PTSD. The TBI was something they discovered when they did the PTSD eval, but he never told me about that. I learned it through the letter. I also learned he's been dodging getting any treatment for either for as long as he had been back.
So I asked him about it and he said that the VA never diagnosed him with PTSD or TBI. I told him that the letter said they did. He said they didn't and he was just trying to get more disability so he told them he had it. I was mad because I don't think defrauding the system is funny or the right thing to do.
I was confused because the letter indicate that he would be tested for those things, but that he, in fact, had them. It was a diagnosis. He took the letter away when he got home and I never saw it again. I brought it up a few weeks after that initial letter when the VA appt card came (it was the follow up appt). I know what I saw, but I didn't want to argue. Meanwhile, I started finding out all I could about PTSD and I found this forum.
Again, another letter came, this time he had moved out (extremely long story) and I called him and he told me to open it and read it like normal. It said that he had been diagnosed with PTSD/TBI and follow up was needed. That was the second notice. The original appt he was schedule to attend, he didn't...and lied and said he did. When I called him and read the letter, it even said that he missed his appt for such-and-such date and that this was the second notice for follow up. I saved the letter so he couldn't deny it later.
It's been about 9 months and he STILL denies that the VA ever diagnosed him and when I bring it up he says I'm crazy and read it wrong, and that he's sane and normal. He likes to tell me that he's normal because I have bipolar disorder. However, I take meds and am stable (and have been) since my initial diagnosis last year (for which I am supremely thankful for and feel blessed beyond measure).
Those are just a few examples of things that he says never happened but they have. I think he just lies, but the more I read about PTSD, the more I realize that he may genuinely have memory loss. However, I think he uses that genuine symptom to actually lie about stuff he doesn't want to talk about or to make me second-guess myself and my level of comprehension. When I was unmedicated, it worked. However, on meds, that doesn't work at all. I'm very much stable and can see when things aren't on the up and up.
All that to say, has anyone else experienced this when dealing with someone with PTSD or TBI? Is it a genuine symptom or is it manipulation?
Hello! I've been a long time lurker and with my ex boyfriend going overseas as a contractor, I'm here to get information and stories. I hope many of which will help me make a decision on whether or not I'm going to stay by his side and try a relationship when he gets back or move on with my life during this time of separation.
I could give you all the background, but I won't. Suffice to say that he has PTSD. He was diagnosed when he got home from Iraq about 2 1/2 years ago. I had met him just after he got back. I didn't know his personality before he went over so I'm not sure of any changes that he may have undergone as a result of combat. I didn't find out he had PTSD until we started getting more serious, about a year into knowing him.
Anyhow, when he gets stressed he does this thing where he literally outright lies about stuff. Recently, we were in a store and he did this thing where he looked back at me, winked and walked down the aisle to get his item. When I asked him "what was the wink for," he snapped back that I was crazy and that he never did that. :O_o:
We used to live together and his VA mail came to the house. He was in the process of filing for disability so the VA mail was important. If he wasn't home, I'd call him and tell him he had VA mail and he'd tell me to open it and read it to him. In one of those letters they said he needed to come in and get follow up because they diagnosed him with TBI as well as PTSD. The TBI was something they discovered when they did the PTSD eval, but he never told me about that. I learned it through the letter. I also learned he's been dodging getting any treatment for either for as long as he had been back.
So I asked him about it and he said that the VA never diagnosed him with PTSD or TBI. I told him that the letter said they did. He said they didn't and he was just trying to get more disability so he told them he had it. I was mad because I don't think defrauding the system is funny or the right thing to do.
I was confused because the letter indicate that he would be tested for those things, but that he, in fact, had them. It was a diagnosis. He took the letter away when he got home and I never saw it again. I brought it up a few weeks after that initial letter when the VA appt card came (it was the follow up appt). I know what I saw, but I didn't want to argue. Meanwhile, I started finding out all I could about PTSD and I found this forum.
Again, another letter came, this time he had moved out (extremely long story) and I called him and he told me to open it and read it like normal. It said that he had been diagnosed with PTSD/TBI and follow up was needed. That was the second notice. The original appt he was schedule to attend, he didn't...and lied and said he did. When I called him and read the letter, it even said that he missed his appt for such-and-such date and that this was the second notice for follow up. I saved the letter so he couldn't deny it later.
It's been about 9 months and he STILL denies that the VA ever diagnosed him and when I bring it up he says I'm crazy and read it wrong, and that he's sane and normal. He likes to tell me that he's normal because I have bipolar disorder. However, I take meds and am stable (and have been) since my initial diagnosis last year (for which I am supremely thankful for and feel blessed beyond measure).
Those are just a few examples of things that he says never happened but they have. I think he just lies, but the more I read about PTSD, the more I realize that he may genuinely have memory loss. However, I think he uses that genuine symptom to actually lie about stuff he doesn't want to talk about or to make me second-guess myself and my level of comprehension. When I was unmedicated, it worked. However, on meds, that doesn't work at all. I'm very much stable and can see when things aren't on the up and up.
All that to say, has anyone else experienced this when dealing with someone with PTSD or TBI? Is it a genuine symptom or is it manipulation?
